It is exactly one week until we go to court for our default hearing. This basically means that we have agreed to and signed our divorce petition. The judge will simply aske us a few practical questions and sign off on our divorce. Then it will be over. Again, I am struggling with wanting this over and yet really not whole-heartedly wanting this divorce. But how do I deal with that? Do I simply go through with the hearing without saying anything to H? Or do I tell him that I really don't want this? I have told him before that this is not what I want and despite him being very "on the fence" about it, he hasn't made an effort to stop it and/or recommit to us. I am so torn. It is like knowing there is a dress out there in a store that you love, but settling for something you are ok with simply because you don't want the dress to be gone when you get to the store. I know, very bad analogy but you get the point. So, any thoughts on this would be much appreciated! Thanks.<P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<P>

Rachel:<P>I'll bite. If you don't want the divorce, stop it. Yes you'll lose credibility. But it doesn't matter. Your husband will neither stop the affair nor extend it because you stop the legal process. That activity is on its own timeline, which you don't get to influence.<P>I don't think you should divorce until YOU'RE SURE that's what you want. You can always resume the legal process if and when you gain that confidence about the decision.<P>But your husband's reaction/commitments should have nothing to do with your decision. Your decision is about what YOU want. Odds are great that he won't do anything differently.

Rachel,<BR>I think that your confusion comes from the realization that he will be out of your life. I think that you fear the new beginning. I know that I would. I would desperately cling to any hope that there would be a chance. The comfort that you remember with him is still there and you use it like a security blanket. If it is the 11th hour and nothing that you've said or done has changed things prepare yourself for a new life. I'll keep you in my prayers and thoughts. <P>------------------<BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<P>

Dear Rachael,<P>I know how you feel. I filed for divorce with my first marriage. I needed to do an exparte because he hadn't given me any money for 3 or 4 months, and the house was in foreclosure, and I was tired of his affair.<P>Once I had the temporary support orders, then I asked my lawyer to put the divorce on hold. The temporary orders stayed until we were ready to move on to either divorce or reconcilliation.<P>It was 13 months after I filed that I was finally ready to finalize the divorce, and that was only because I had bought a home and wanted to own it in my name only.<P>His affair continued from beginning to marriage to end, a total of 5 years. By the time his affair was over, he wanted me back, but I didn't want him back. By then I had completely moved on.<P>So, the decision to do what you do is still up to you, completely. This affair of your husband's will eventually end, in it's own time. It doesn't matter if the divorce is stalled, speeded up, or anything that you do or do not do will stop the affair. The only thing that you can do is to take care of you, and do what YOU want to do.<P>If you do not want to divorce, then don't. That simple.<P>TNT