Not sure where to post this, so, here it is (as well as in a couple other forums I saw before this one).

Having stumbled across my own wife's affair a little over 2 years ago, I often thought "How could this person or that person not have told me what was going on?" They weren't people I was close to, but they were friendly acquaintances that knew what my wife was doing (mostly new friends of hers that seemed to like me).

Anyway, I just stumbled across what appears to be an affair between my brother's best friend and a married woman with whom I have a mutual friend. Granted, I haven't seen them together, but the guy has a Facebook account in a fake name with only one friend: this married woman.

My brother's friend is now known to have had at least one affair while he was married and had a history of cheating on girlfriends. He does not have a good track record.

I know this isn't rock-solid evidence, but having seen similar signs in my wife's affair and having read everything on the subject of infidelity on this website, I'd bet a lot of money that's what's going on here.

Finally, my questions:

1. Should I reveal this information to anyone? And if so, to whom? My brother's friend? I don't know him all that well and don't see him having a heart to heart conversation with me. My brother? He already knows his friend is a dirtbag and I don't really know what I'd expect him to do with the information (or what good would come from him asking his friend about it). Should I tell the unsuspecting husband that I do not know at all? No idea how he'd react and why should he listen to me? I almost certainly should not tell the friend I apparently share with the cheating wife, right? No idea how close they are or what that would do to our friendship...

2. If I should reveal it to anyone, should I try to do it anonymously? I certainly don't want an angry husband shooting the messenger. Any advice on how best to do that anonymously? Create a new email address without my name in it maybe?

I desperately want to do what's right and I think I would have liked someone to tell me (and sooner rather than later) and maybe I could have saved my marriage. That said, is it my business? I know a lot of people that would say it's not and I certainly don't want to make it my business, but what is my moral obligation here? What does the Bible say about tattling on adulterers? Thanks for any help you can provide.

It becomes difficult, if not impossible to do the right things when we are worried about how others will perceive US....

When we take ourselves, and our own selfish desire to look good out of the equation, things are usually more clear.

I hope you come to the right answers about this situation on your own.

Talk to this married woman's mutual friend. See what you can find out. Gather a little more evidence if possible. You asked what the bible says about this...


Rom 15:1-2 We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. (2) Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.

That word bear means to take on the weight of it. It means that we have an obligation to not wink at sin and failure.

If this woman is engaged in an A of any type, you are in a position to help them by exposing it. Sin loves darkness and hates the light, expose it, bring it into the light if it's there. If you decide to pursue this, be careful how you present things to the potential BH. Tell him the facts of what you know and don't speculate. Be there for him. he may want to talk, or he may respond with a "mind your own business" type of response. Either way, you did what you were required to do. Don't be offended by it.

cv

Cool,

Did you ever make a decision on this?

CV