Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
M
Mihaela Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
Hi,

Here is my story. I discovered my husband's affair 10 months ago and decided then to give him a second chance. Now I found out that he is in an emotional affair. I'm seriously thinking about divorce. After the discovery, my trust in him was zero and the thing he did to "gain" it back was to tell some more lies. I'm just so disappointed and hopeless.

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Welcome to MB.
There is no hope without a PLAN of ACTION.

Lucky for you, you've come to a place where we can help you make a plan.
If you can resist basing your actions on your emotions, you will do well. You will find hope.

First, READ the "Basic Concepts".

Second, BUY the book "Surviving an Affair". (see the bookstore)

Third, tell us about your marriage.
When?
Kids?
Other important details.


Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
LINK to Scotland's thread for new posters.

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Please put a GPS on your H's car without him knowing.

Please do NOT skip this step.
LINK to GPS thread

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,434
Likes: 7
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,434
Likes: 7
Originally Posted By: Mihaela
Hi,

Here is my story. I discovered my husband's affair 10 months ago and decided then to give him a second chance. Now I found out that he is in an emotional affair. I'm seriously thinking about divorce. After the discovery, my trust in him was zero and the thing he did to "gain" it back was to tell some more lies. I'm just so disappointed and hopeless.

Mihaela, Welcome to MB.

Please tell us about these two affairs. What did the first one involve? Was it a physical affair (PA?) How did he meet the woman - through work? How long fid the affair last? How did it end? Is she an old girlfriend, or a neighbour? Did you make sure that there could be no further contact between them - perhaps by his changing job?

What makes you say that the second affair is an emotional affair (EA)? How did you find out about it? Does it involve the same woman, and if not who is this new woman?


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
M
Mihaela Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
Quote:
Third, tell us about your marriage.
When?
Kids?


We have 3 years of marriage. Our daughter is 2 and a half. We have very different backgrounds, coming from different cultures and continents. He's from the Middle East, I'm from Europe. I discovered his first affair by chance. He had forgotten to sign out from his email account and that day, out of curiosity, I was going through his emails and saw pictures of him and her and emails sent back and forth between them. He was at that time in contact with other women as well, with whom it seemed that he had been chatting every now and then (love words though in all the emails to those women) I confronted him the next morning showing him the pictures. He admitted and begged for forgiveness. I asked for divorce but after I calmed down I said to give him another chance. Since then, I am struggling with trust issues. When I think back at what happened, I can't believe that I'm still here. I sometimes feel guilty for staying in this marriage, for allowing this to happen to me.

Lately. he had been going out and coming up with excuses for being late. Like going to the pharmacy around the corner and coming 1 hour later, taking 3 hours to go to the grocery shop. He says it's all because of my trust issues and that he's not doing anything wrong.

This morning, he was in the shower and I answered a phone call for him. It was a woman. The same number called later today.I don't know if it's the same woman.

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,879
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,879
I am soo sorry you are here I would defintley be getting a lawyer and filing for a divorce you are way too young.

Did you expose the last affair? If not then that is why he is in another affair, I am sorry. If you did not expose then he felt like he got away with it and there was no consequences, he does not believe that you will divorce him if you let this one slide.

But if you do not want to save this marriage then you have every right to file.

Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
M
Mihaela Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
Originally Posted By: SugarCane
Originally Posted By: Mihaela
Hi,

Here is my story. I discovered my husband's affair 10 months ago and decided then to give him a second chance. Now I found out that he is in an emotional affair. I'm seriously thinking about divorce. After the discovery, my trust in him was zero and the thing he did to "gain" it back was to tell some more lies. I'm just so disappointed and hopeless.

Mihaela, Welcome to MB.

Please tell us about these two affairs. What did the first one involve? Was it a physical affair (PA?) How did he meet the woman - through work? How long fid the affair last? How did it end? Is she an old girlfriend, or a neighbour? Did you make sure that there could be no further contact between them - perhaps by his changing job?

What makes you say that the second affair is an emotional affair (EA)? How did you find out about it? Does it involve the same woman, and if not who is this new woman?


The first affair was physical; I have pictures to prove it. I'm not sure if he is having another affair now, but I discovered phone calls from a "mysterious" woman. Last week, I found out he had other email accounts that I didn't know about. When I asked to see what was inside, he said he'd forgotten the password (hard to believe) He's very distant, doesn't talk much, gets irritated when asked where he's been. All this makes me think that he's having another affair. The woman was calling this morning from his home country, that's why I say it would be an emotional affair. I'm not sure though. What I know is that he is hiding something.

Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
M
Mihaela Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
Originally Posted By: SapphireReturns
I am soo sorry you are here I would defintley be getting a lawyer and filing for a divorce you are way too young.

Did you expose the last affair? If not then that is why he is in another affair, I am sorry. If you did not expose then he felt like he got away with it and there was no consequences, he does not believe that you will divorce him if you let this one slide.

But if you do not want to save this marriage then you have every right to file.


I did expose the first affair. I told his parents first and sent them the pictures too! I didn't care what would happen then. I wanted to show them what their son was doing. He blames me for telling them and for showing them the pictures. I told his sister too and my sister, but not my parents. Maybe I should have told them too. I still feel that he got away with it quite easily and this drives me nuts. Now his parents talk to him as they used to, as if nothing happened. I know it's not good to remind him. What I feel now is that everybody else got past it except for me. I'm still struggling and paining. I don't know if I want to stay anymore. I had other expectations from him. I'm very disappointed.

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Do you live in Europe?
What country?

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted By: Mihaela

We have 3 years of marriage. Our daughter is 2 and a half.


If you had no child with him, you could leave him immediately.
However, a 2 year old is a reasonable reason to try to turn this ship around.

There is NO REASON for a man to take 3 hours to grocery shop.
He's "busy" during those hours.

Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
M
Mihaela Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
I'm from Romania, but now we live in the Middle East.

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted By: Mihaela

I'm from Romania, but now we live in the Middle East.


And the divorce laws where you live are ???? What?
What are your chances for child custody in the event of a divorce?

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
PS:
Your reading/writing skills in English are impressive.

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted By: Mihaela
I'm from Romania, but now we live in the Middle East.


It's about midnight in the Middle East.
Why are you awake?
Having problems sleeping?

Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
M
Mihaela Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Originally Posted By: Mihaela

We have 3 years of marriage. Our daughter is 2 and a half.


If you had no child with him, you could leave him immediately.
However, a 2 year old is a reasonable reason to try to turn this ship around.

There is NO REASON for a man to take 3 hours to grocery shop.
He's "busy" during those hours.


I know. If it were't for our daughter, I would have left him after discovering the first affair. With children, it's more complicated.

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Are you having sex with your H?

Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
M
Mihaela Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Originally Posted By: Mihaela

I'm from Romania, but now we live in the Middle East.


And the divorce laws where you live are ???? What?
What are your chances for child custody in the event of a divorce?


I would get the child only if he agrees to it. If he will fight for custody, he will get it. Many scenarios are going on in my mind right now. I'm afraid to make him mad because of the custody problem later. I live in a country where women need their husband's approval for going abroad!!! Imagine child custody.

Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
M
Mihaela Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
Originally Posted By: Pepperband
PS:
Your reading/writing skills in English are impressive.


Thanks. I've been to the US twice and am now working with English native speakers.

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Can you sneak yourself and your child to Romania?

Page 1 of 2 1 2

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 34 guests, and 50 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Lethabo, Livn1dayAtaTime, widup, Reggg, Endlessvow
71,682 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,528
Posts2,322,563
Members71,682
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5