I know you are in a difficult situation LostM, and I sympathize with you. I know what your up against and it suck majorly.

Hang in there.

Thanks CP that means a lot right now. It always seems like a new low is formed in my life. My oldest son is really taking this hard. He told me tonight that he didn't feel like he should be around mom because she is not able to make good decisions. He then starts balling in my arms. Thats pretty tough hearing that come from an 8 year old. I assured him mom loves him and dad does to. I reminded him that dad is doing everything in his power to get mom back home and that we need to continue to pray that god takes satans grip off of mom.

Thats funny you brought that up. I was praying yesterday morning about what to do and it hit me i need to forgive this girl for what she has done. She shows no remorse and is bitter with me, but i knew god was telling me to do it. So i head to work and accidentally called a friend that was at chapel at school and she said we are praying for you right now and we feel that you should be praying for forgiveness. So i get to work and i talk to my boss a little bit and he asked if i had forgiven her of what she has done. BAM 3 times within an hour and no conversation about this up to this point.

So i took the time to hand write her letter yesterday and forgave her for what she has done. I apologized for all of my stubborn behaviors in the past and really lifted her up and admitted that i have been wrong about how she has been treated. I then told her it was never to late to come home and that i needed her. There was more in it then that, but you get the picture. I also included a picture of us when we were happy and a pic of our family together at the zoo. I asked her to keep rereading the letter and to please not throw it away.

I also told her i understood if she was scared of being hurt by me and that she really has put herself in a very difficult position, But i need and want her to come home. I didnt focus any on the kids. Thats a whole different letter at some point. I made it between her and me.

Ive never heard anything from her. I asked her to read it when she was alone and had a bit of an open heart. It was titled my Precious wife.

Well she did read it and said she was going to respond to it. She really didnt seem any different to me. I told her if she was going to respond telling me she wants a div then dont respond at all. She still seems so lost and out of control with OM its pathetic. I tried to get her to stay at home next week as there is an issue with the place she is staying, but she wont do it. So you know where she will end up. It seems as if she keeps distancing her self from the boys as well.

She is going to spend time with her parents tomorrow, so maybe than can have another crack at her. They really have stayed out of her life for now, since she is so dishonest and bitter.

Are you writing down when she is at your home? Try to keep a log of just how often she is gone. Hopefully, you won't ever need to use it and your parents will get through to her soon.

Well she keeps the boys during school at her friends apartment. Her friends ex is going to be there this week and she does not want the boys around him. So instead of coming home or finding a different place to stay (her parents or other christian friends) she is thinking she may not even watch them. Um ya she is not trying to hard here. This is her first weekend to have them. Well tonight she had a seminar she thought she had to go to for photography that i had paid for a long time ago. So no kids tonight. she doesnt want them to stay at friends while ex was there so kids are now coming back home tomorrow night. She does not want to take them to church, so if i go they can come with me, there is another missed opportunity. and if my oldest has baseball practice sunday(weather permitting) it seemed like she was going to try to get out of the whole day. She did say if i skip church she would get them sunday morning. No way im going to do that, she needs to be missing out on this stuff and learn that she is screwing up.

I think seeing her parents will be good. they will not let her feel that what she is doing will right. they will try to guide her to do the right things.

well here is where things are. She was supposed to have the boys all weekend, but the friends place that she is staying in has an ex boyfriend staying there all weekend and next week. So she does not want the kids around said boyfriend. So i take the kids last night and all day today. (not complaining here as i would rather have the kids with me than WW. it is better for them) So where does she stay? at om place. I care but really she is just putting more distance from me in mind and heart.

So yesterday she takes kids to her parents and visits with mom and dad. Mom tells her to slowly get off depression medicine and that she would like to find and take her to a dr that specializes in hormone imbalances. she half heartedly agrees to such a dr. Mom tells her that the depression medicine is getting in the way of any true feelings and she said that she should slowly stop taking them. Last time she stopped she got pretty sick. I meet her and get the kids and she is bitter as usual. I text her later and invite her to church and she says she will think about it and that she knows she should be getting herself back to church. This is one of her big problems now anyway as she is running from god. Well she did not come today and the rest of my family said that she was parked at OM's house. They pass this on the way to church.

So she knows she needs to get back to god, she is choosing to stay at OMs house instead of finding a place to go with the kids and im just ready to quit. I also find that the phone that i have provided for her was full of text to om one day. SO she is not trying to hide anything.

Yesterday i was ready to just pull the plug and was feeling pretty good about it. Today i still feel the same, but hurt as well as she is not hiding anything. it seems in my mind that she is starting to get some conflict inside as to what to do. she admitted she needed to get back to church, which if she did she might get some conviction. but at the same time she is still at om's house.

Im tired of telling om to stay away, that doesnt work and at the same time id rather her figure this out on her own.

What is forgiveness? What does that mean to you?

Are we given forgiveness by God when we are unrepentant and bitter towards him?

Here is a key component of your story/epilogue that must be retained in active memory.

A started 11/2010

You are now fully at four months. Whether or not you should make the Plan A -> B transition now, it is incumbent upon you, for the good of your children, to at least have a schedule for the Plan A -> B transition.

Your situation has not improved; I would venture to say that the overall situation has DEGRADED, in that, in effect, WW has added to her abandonment of YOU, sequential abandonment of her CHIILDREN, her FAMILY, and her GOD. Her descent into the maelstrom of lunacy proximally caused by her infatuation for OM has been startling, and the vector is not in your favor. However much she chooses to damn herself, it is obvious that her fate is entirely in her hands, now.

Bail, LM. A gangrenous limb like WW should be excised from the remaining healthy body of your family.

...and if you're still paying for her cell phone, quit doing that.

She's got to hit rock bottom before this changes. I'd urge you to let this happen to her (Plan B) before you and your kids hit the bottom as well.

It sounds like y'all are in this uneasy peace where she does what she wants and nothing really happens or changes to make her want to do something different. Something's got to give, don't you think?

yes. she has another phone i cant to anything about so its not like using the one i provided helps or hurts. I didnt want to pay the money to end contract, but its up in two weeks and its over. Other than her seeing the kids there is not much more i can do except file. That is what she has told me she wants on several occasions. I think i will let her get a job and do it herself it she wants it so bad. No reason for me to do all that work for her. If she goes to all that trouble i just may not even sigh papers unless she does what i want. Im new to divorce so i assume that it could work that way if she wants out bad enough.

I just cannot believe my ww wants this so bad that she is willing to hurt her 4 boys so bad.

Yep, I'd let her pull the trigger on destroying the family. Really, though, if she wanted a divorce then I'd think she'd have done it already.


Yeah, none of this crap ever makes sense, but I'm sure it's perfectly clear to the wayward.

well she doesnt have any money and ive been giving her bills that she has made without my knowledge. So any money she gets she has been paying those bills. Also i gave her my truck to drive for kids and school. It gets 10 mpg and she cant afford to keep putting gas in lol and its a pos lol. I think she is stubborn enough to file just to prove her point that she is doing what is right. WW's make absolutely no sense. My MIL keeps telling me to let her do it just to buy time for her to come to her senses. There is still not one person on her side in this mess. Her sisters help me with dinners, sitters, just about anything i would ask for. My BIL's are my friends and they keep scheduling outtings for us to get out and relax. My FIL likes to call and drop in to see how im doing. Her friends call and text me to lift me up and keep my head high and tell me how awesome of a person i am for what i have done. Yet WW thinks she can do better with POSOM that is a bad father to his own son and treats his soon to be ex like dirt.

Maybe in time, but the longer it takes the less chances she has to make things right.

As a matter of fact make sure she files, and of course, you have proof of adultry. If you read around the board most people will tell you that you should make her do this for two reasons.

1) If she really wants to D you she will, but if she balks it will show her also how screwwed up she is. She might see it also. It also can drive insecurity into the AP if she hesitates, but this guy doesn't care anyway so I would not think that would matter. What could happen is that if she wants the D, and the guy doesn't seem to care and/or won't help pay for one, she might just see his true colors.

2) By letting her file you will be setting a precident for your children, plus you will let the court see also you are willing to work things out. She will have to come up with some grounds,(whatch out for trumped up crap like abuse, remember VAR and witnesses ALLWAYS), and you will have proof of an affair. This could leave you with full custody and your house, because the court will want the person who loves the kids to have those.

Yes she is a mess, but a DARK plan B is in order. Its time you stop knowing anything about her and her you also. Get a plan B letter together soon.

God bless you LOstM

Lost - Reading the last couple of posts makes me wonder if you're reaching a crossroads. Have you gotten a lawyer lined up? If so, you may want to consider a temporary separation agreement. That protects you financially and would put in writing that you have primary custody of your kids. The other thing to consider, if you file, you control the process. However, that's also barreling down to the final outcome, one way or another. It's an ultimatum. In my mind, I've got to be sure, before I'd put myself in that situation.

I understand your reluctance in actually filing, but a HARD, DARK Plan B is something you can (must?) do to continue to demonstrate to WW the hole she's getting into.

Do you have a suitable IM? I don't know that inlaws are ideal. Except for soon-to-expire cell, and truck usage, is there any other assets shared?

Make it simple: sign over title of POS truck to her, remove your plates and insurance. Hand deliver Plan B letter, giving her seven (?) days to remove any remaining possessions (principally clothes) from home (or box them and give to IM.) Block her number from your phone and be done with her.

Yeah, I know you'll have to arrange school transport for children. Sux, but the alternative is worse. Hell's bells, it's almost April. Two-and-one-half months has got to be do-able, somehow.

If i file it goes to show she gets her way again. it shows that im ending it the marriage like cp stated and i dont want the kids to see that. They know dad is doing everything he can to make mom come home. They get to hear me pray everynight that mom comes home to the family, to all of us. I tell my oldest that dad is doing the right things to help mom to come home.

I do not want them to think im not or have tried to get ww home. I am dancing a fine line with them and there emotions and so far ive kept them in decent shape. The ultimatum will have to be something she deals out and then i will try to handle it accordingly. There are many "THINGS" i would like to do, but in the end i'm still trying to do what is best for the family.

A dark plan b may be in the very near future. There are some responsibilities that i need her to take care of at the house this week(i trust her for this i think) and the kids have some school programs this week starting tomorrow. It will break there hearts if were not both there. Having 4 kids make everything difficult in this situation. She is normally not allowed at the house at all anymore unless she has permission from me. This week will be the exception to that rule.

Seeing Dad being eaten alive will hurt them just as much. You are thier father, and you have a right to not consort with heathens, and a duty to show them you are strong and God gives you that strength, when your wife wont support what God says.

I barely survived what happened to me, and anybody here would have climbed right up my A$$ if they knew what I allowed. My children did, thank God for his investment in them.

I know its hard LostM, and I am not riding you, just making sure you know you are worth more than you are being treated like, and your kids want that more than you realize. How can they have that unless thier Dad does too.

For years I thought I was teaching them forgivness, but I was teaching how to enable people who would step on you and then blame you for it. I am still worrying about that for them.

Praying for you brother