Am I missing something? Am I the crazy one? Am I really asking too much? <BR>My husband told me this morning, in no uncertain terms, that he is NOT going to send the "ending it" letter to the OW. In his words, "I've already broken up with her, sending the letter would just be pouring salt in the wound."<P>Pour, my brother, pour…is what my heart is screaming. It seems to me that by taking that attitude he is disregarding my feelings and my need for closure and is still catering to the OW's feelings…what HE thinks is best for HER . Her feelings are coming before mine. Or am I just paranoid? <P>All I know is that this whole thing is taking its toll on me, emotionally and physically. I'm totally stressed. I have horrendous dark circles under my eyes, my hair is falling out by leaps & bounds. I just came from getting my blood pressure taken - 179/120 - now that can't be good. <P>My question: if he refuses to send this letter, then how do I get closure? Am I entitled to closure, or do I just leave well enough alone?<BR><P>------------------<BR>Love suffers long, and is kind; love envies not; love vaunts not itself, is not puffed up, <BR>rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things…<P>

Hurtnbad,<BR> I know how you feel. My H admitted to one 1-night stand with a woman who has been dead for 8 years. He wouldn't even tell me her name or that she was dead until I asked him if he was trying to protect the OW from me and told him that he was putting the OW above me.<BR> I still believe that he had something going on with another woman during most of 1998 and will not admit to it out of fear of what I might do to her. I also think that he may have had more relationships that he is not admitting to. Now, he is being wonderful to me and I am working on rebuilding our marriage and trying to make him feel safe enough to admit the whole truth. I don't know how long that is going to take, and I don't know how long I can live with not knowing he's being truthful to me.<BR> I would try to tell my husband (with no lovebusters) that I need to feel like I'm the most important person in his life and that as long as he has so much consideration for her feelings, I won't feel that way. Then, keep on with Plan A. Maybe one day, he will realize that her feelings don't deserve protection at the expense of yours.

I'm not saying your H is right, but from his point of view, he may feel accountable and thinks the letter is just heaping on pain.<P>He may also feel it is unnecessary if he truly did break it off.<P>He may also be in that weird period of "bad brain" time, when he really isn't thinking clearly.<P>Although I believe my H wanted to end his relationship and he had little emotional attatchment, he still felt sorry for her and guilty he participated. That didn't mean he wanted the marriage less, he just didn't want to deliver the knock out punch, even though the "game" was clearly over.<P>Be cautious, be open and honest, but do not leap to conclusions you are personalizing out of pain.<P>And although, making it clear the relationship is over is a good thing, it is never right to use anything with the intent to inflict pain or get revenge. If your feelings are those of revenge, then it would not be right for your H to act on them. It's not that he would be putting her first, he would just be refusing to do what he thought was inappropriate in the situation.<P>Be clear of your real motives. I know you are in incredible pain.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13