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I like that! 
FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.
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BW-me-56
FWH-GreenMile-62
Married 1982
2 wonderful grown sons
D Day #1 4/1985
D Day #2 10/03/08
D Days continued for a while.
Started real recovery 07/15/10
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I have just read this enitire thread and was compelled to dend it to my WH, I have been trying to get him to start posting here but he is reluctant, but I continue to live in hope, he is desperately in need of some 2 x 4s.
BS me 55yrs
WH 59 yrs
M 34 yrs 6/26/2010
DD 25
D Day May 5, 2010
NC 5/12/2010
Duration of affair 5 years, but other affairs discovered on D Day
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What was his reaction to the idea of EPs, teaser?
I would L O V E to see tst/papabear get into it with your H! Maybe when he finally posts on MB...
Sorry for the t/j papabear--you can reply on your own thread, teaser.
Me BS 61
Him FWS 63
Married 40 years
D-Day 6/30/06
Still can't believe it.
6/08 Recovering nicely. Anything is possible!
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bump...... for a new wayward
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Live, love, and laugh because the best is yet to come!
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Me, FWW: 43
Mr_Recon6mo, FWH: 44
DD20 and DS23
3 cats
Married 23 years, together 24
Divorcing
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Aka S2
I know what's next. I filed for D. Original betrayal and two FR's in one year. I'm done.
A sure way to lose happiness, I found, is to want it at the expense of everything else.
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The other day was a pretty "down" day. Driving along, awash in depression, I discovered one small comfort: I knew that, no matter how crummy I was feeling, I was protected from making even more crummy decisions. Thus:
A few thoughts on EPs, particularly for the newly former waywards.
EPs are something you do for your spouse and your marriage. However, they are also something you do for yourself.
EPs are a set of behaviors - actions that, when practiced faithfully, become habitual protection of your spouse and your marriage and you.
It's very easy in the beginning of true recovery to vow constant care, utmost protection, undying warm fuzzies and love for your BS. However, as we all know, there are highs and lows to recovery. On those lows, I think we are all more vulnerable - in this particular instance, vulnerable to others meeting our ENs.
EPs keep that vulnerability protected. A predetermined plan, ("If x happens, then I will do y," e.g.), and the commitment to that plan, (easy, adhering to EPS is like cruise control when compared to being at the whim of your emotions), help safeguard your spouse and your marriage and you when you are experiencing those lows - when you are experiencing that vulnerability to ENs being met outside of your marriage.
Fidelity to your EPs is, in all manner of ways, is further fidelity to your spouse and your marriage and you.
Last edited by Mrs_Vanilla; 07/06/11 09:02 PM. Reason: forgot my state-of-being
Me - 30 (FWW)
H - 30 (BH)
DSx2
D-day: 2008
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Is papabear still around? Is there a thread by you on how the affair progressed from a wayward perspective? I assume it died a natural death, I am curious how that happened!
Married 1/2000.
D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013.
Single mom of 4.
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Ok, stupid question maybe but would the online MB program cover all these topics? Is there an online program that caters to recovery from an affair?
Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)
He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11
Recovering MB Online!
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Bumping for rockydugan.
TexasSun, the online MB course is frequently (maybe predominantly? I don't know) used in post-infidelity marriages. I would say it's the best online program you'll get for recovery from an affair.
There are many posters on the boards right now who've counseled w/ the Harleys via telephone or the online program. I'm sure they could chime in if you posted a new thread or on your own thread asking for experiences.
Me - 30 (FWW)
H - 30 (BH)
DSx2
D-day: 2008
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Is papabear still around? Is there a thread by you on how the affair progressed from a wayward perspective? I assume it died a natural death, I am curious how that happened! mehr, HerPapaBear's original thread is here. He and/or his wife, sexymamabear, may still be around the boards, albeit infrequently posting. If you're asking about my A in particular, I don't have a thread detailing its progression. My thread, post-D-day, is here. Don't know if any of that was what you were looking for!
Me - 30 (FWW)
H - 30 (BH)
DSx2
D-day: 2008
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Is papabear still around? Is there a thread by you on how the affair progressed from a wayward perspective? I assume it died a natural death, I am curious how that happened! Mehr, I'm still around from time to time. You asked about a thread that shows the progrssion of my affair.... The best thing I can suggest is to read my wife's thread. Her user name is SexyMamaBear and the thread she started began in mid 2007. You asked about an affair from a waywards prospective.... I'm sorry to say, but during an affair, a wayward has no ability to have prospective, they just have self will run riot. If you read SMB's thread you'll see it all very clearly, she's an amazing writer.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Me (FWH) 44
Mrs_Recon6mo (FWW) 42
Married 22 years
2 Children 20 and 22 years
Last D-Day for me: May 2009
Last D-Day for her: October 2008
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When discussing EPs, Dr. Harley addresses that the following areas need to change:
A) Blocking all communication with Affair Partners (AP’s)
B) Accounting for all of your time
C) Accounting for all money
D) Spending your leisure time with your wife. I have a question regarding the spending leisure time together EP. Does that mean ALL leisure time? Can the couple still go out with the girls/boys, say once a month or once in a while if you are hitting the right amount of UA time and that is scheduled in first? One thing that would be a sticking point should me and WH ever get to this point is he loves sport and I loathe it. I would insist he gives up a lot of the time and money spent on watching/enjoying sport but he could he catch a game now and then? I dont see him going without and I would imagine that is a pretty common problem
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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He probably would have to forgo it for quite a while, until you become each other's favourite RC companion. Once you have achieved that, are regularly hitting your UA time and and solidly in Recovery, there might be room for an occasional game. It will require a different mindset from him though - no question about it.
I've sometimes wondered about this myself, as I take regular ballet and other dance classes. My H would laugh out loud at the thought of joining. But we easily spend 20 hours UA time per week. More importantly, we are not recovering from an affair. So I feel ok indulging in this hobby.
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BUMP.
And, reminder;
EXTRAORDINARY PRECAUTIONS ARE TO BE WRITTEN OUT!!!
Last edited by HoldHerHand; 10/18/11 01:50 PM.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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