I love him and he is a good man but made a mistake, I want to move past it and he is trying so hard, but I get so upset sometimes and so angry I don't know what to do, we have spoken to our pastor and are reading some books and planned to talk to a counselor. I just want things to get better?

Stick to one thread so people can help you easier.

Basic questions to get started

How old are you and your husband?
How long have you been married?
Do you have children?
How old are they?
Is your husband's OW (other woman) married?
If so has her husband been informed of the affair and how do you know?
Do they work together?
How long did the affair last?
How did you find out about it?

That should get you started.

sorry i had to switch it up...our internet and the weather here is AWFUL. I didn't know if it went through...

plus i have never done this before...

1 yr married, 3 yrs together...two kids...

OW and husband work together

OW not married...but has fiance...he is the one that told me.

1 month fling, affair...

i just want it to go away

sad,

Welcome to MB. I'm very sorry to hear of the affair.

I'm intrigued. Why did you choose your name? Are you happy at the moment?

You have been together three years and have two children. Are both children your husband's? How old are they?

If your H and OW work together then your marital recovery cannot start. No wonder you cannot get over it. No matter how much he reassures you, you don't know how much they interact each day at work. You also know that he sees her every day and thus rekindles memories of the affair, and that hurts YOU.

There is also a high chance that either the affair never ended or it will start again. The only way to break the addiction of an affair is for your H never to see or hear from OW ever again. Have you read Dr Harley's articles on how an affair should end?

Step 1: End the Affair

The first step on the path to surviving an affair is for it to end. An affair ends when the straying spouse ceases all contact with his or her lover and never sees or talks to that person again. Time and again I've watched what happens when a drastic and decisive break with a lover is not made. They try to remain "friends" and maintain casual social contact. But inevitably they find their way back to their lover's arms. It seems that when it comes to this one person, they exhibit incredibly flawed judgment and almost irresistible force draws them back.

But even if there were to be no risk of rekindling an affair, if any contact continues, the affair still remains alive in the mind of the betrayed spouse. Since an affair is the most hurtful and selfish act that one spouse can inflict on the other, any contact restores the memory and perpetuates the pain. Wives have told me that their husband's affair was worse than being raped. Men have said their wifes affair was worse than losing a child. It's the ultimate betrayal.

How to Survive an Affair

In spite of career sacrifices, friendships, and issues relating to children's schooling, I am adamant in recommending that there be no contact with a former lover for life. For many, that means a move to another state. But to do otherwise fails to recognize the nature of addiction and its cure.

Coping With infidelity: The End

What makes you say it was a one-month fling? What evidence do you have that it wasn't longer? This could have been simply a lie OW told her fiance.

How did they conduct their affair? Where did they go to have sex? Did they take time off work? Did they travel or spend nights together?

They are going to have to end their employment with each other. Either she gets fired, quits, or removed or your husband does. Recovery of your marriage will not happen if they are in sight of each other... Even if they don't talk to each other they can see each other.. It should anger you enough to offer tough love so your husband will leave that job. 70% of affairs (give or take) start in the workplace.

Your husband has poor boundaries among the women. You guys have been married one year and this happened? You guys should be in the best stage of marriage but has deteriorated completely.

1. Affair needs to be exposed to your family, his family, close friends on both sides, HER family, HER husband (if she is married), and some of HER friends.

If these people are on facebook, I would recommend private messaging these people. You need assistance? The vets here have expose letters you can use and just modify for your position in life.

2. No Contact Needs to be in place - Your husband can never SEE, TALK in person or by electronic means or by mail.. He also should write a letter stating how much shame he has brought upon himself, guilt, and destruction to your family. He needs to state that he loves you and that his wife is the one he needs to be with. He can never never see this person again for the rest of his natural life.

3. He needs to develop a hedge of protection (boundaries) to prevent himself from engaging in another affair.. Things like NEVER talk about marriage problems, COMPLETE transparency, and NEVER be alone with the member of the opposite sex (no lunches, no dinners, no movies, no going over to help move, etc).

4. You guys need to meet emotional needs/eliminate love busters.

it was a one month fling because thats when i noticed a change and he was texting and stuff. he told me it was just stupid stuff but once he came out he told me everything. he is trying really hard. he made a mistake, a big one but one none the less. he is a good husband and father. he doesnt have time to take off work and he is to busy with kids and work. it was one sat he went to pick up his check from work and she lives not to far from work and he stopped by. he said he regreted everything and has been showing me since. we talk about everything now and hold nothing back. he is working on finding another job, he wants to leave that place. i believe in my heart that he is in pain for the pain he is putting me through and he wants to fix it. although with me in school and him having a job financially he cant just quit although we both want it. we both know that him not working there and what not will start the healing and recovery. I just want to know what to do to get the thoughts and emotions to go away. I love that man and he loves me. we want the rest of our lives together.

Put a GPS on the car he drives, and do not tell him.

I just want 40 pounds to "go away".

40 pounds would be awesome to go away as well...

There is no magic cure to make thoughts and emotions from a great trauma go away. They will recede, slowly, with time, when the affair is over and the chance of its reigniting is almost nothing. In other words, when there is complete NC.

Your thoughts and emotions cannot begin to recover while they still work together. That is the long and short of it. I'm sorry, but that's the simple truth.