I would make this happen, obrivey. You need to get in touch with the OW's parents and talk to them. Even enlist your MIL to speak to them too. I don't feel like you are trying very hard, my friend.

I don't know where to start. Supposedly OW & her H were living in her parents house while they were building their own house. Her parents live in FL now, thats all I know. Her H was no help in getting info, he said he was done with her and was moving on.

How about asking him for a # for his MIL? Tell him you and your MIL want to contact her. Is he exposing the affair himself?

I have only talked to him a few times. He has exposed to his own family & friends. I will see if he has a # for his inlaws.

Listen Obrivey. You have to take a hard line on this one b/c if the OW's H is divorcing her and is done, she is STAKING EVERYTHING on the affair with your WH.

She is a DESPERATE DESPICABLE woman. She is on a mission. Her M is now over, because of her skanking around, and she has nothing to now fall back on. Those kinds of ow are scary beyond scary.

I say do as HarleyDuck said and cause all kind of hell. And yes! I'd go after the inlaws too of the OW..find her parents and her inlaws.

There is NOTHING to worry about. She is having an affair. All you're doing is spreading her truth about that skankaholic spreading her legs. Nobody gets in trouble for spreading the truth around! You have a desperate, desperate ow on your hands who has to be made to leave using any measure (legal of course) that you can. Nothing like coming to work dressed to the 9's, looking hotter than ever, and letting everybody at work know what she is doing TO YOUR HUSBAND AND FAMILY and yea, I'd show that skank the pic of your children.

I left a message for OWs H, havent heard back yet. My MIL does not want to make waves now, my H finally called her & started talking, so she is trying to keep him talking and doesnt want to rock the boat (she says). I told her this is as over as it gets and unless OW is gotten rid of there is no hope. Am not sure what my H said to her but she said that she thinks there is no relationship with OW.

Peachy - I agree this woman is dangerous. She left her brand new dream home to move into this apt complex where you can hear right thru the walls. WTH is wrong with her?? And she knows my children, she has met them all before. She knows about the youngest having the stroke in Nov - she doesn't care what she & H have done to them.

I do not think I want to save this marriage anymore. I am so disgusted by what has happened, and by the way my H has behaved. I doubt I could ever feel any respect for him ever again.

Myself - I am doing well. I have been taking yoga, boxing, and Jiu Jitsu classes. I look great, I feel great. Maybe my life will be better. I do not need a man who would treat me like this.

ob- I know exactly how you feel. I feel it every day. Is it worth it to put so much effort towards saving your marriage? The simple answer is YES.

I hear where you're coming from. My WW doesn't want me to touch her. She wants a D and has the papers drawn up.

I exposed the OM about 3 weeks ago, and it was the nuclear type. He is completely out of the picture and has been for that long. You know what? My WW has been a different person since then. She has gone into a zombie like state. Going through the motions of our daily lives, but doing very little outside of the home.

I broke up the relationship, and that's where you're having the most trouble. Of course you feel the way you do. You WH is hitting you with cheap shots constantly. He's trying to wear you down, and if he succeeds, your marriage is doomed. You must weather the storm of wayward fogbabble. It is harsh, mean and nasty. He's saying things to you he would never have dreamed of saying if it weren't for his affair waiting in the wings.

The effort is worth it. Go postal on this witch. Let her have it with both barrels. You have to hit her where it's gonna do the most damage. Her family. Her social circle. Her co-workers.

I hope you understand that she needs to be GONE and not just in principal, but GONE GONE.

Once she is gone, your WH will be even more furious with you. Expect that. It's normal. My WW was furious for a week after I blew up her affair. Boo Hoo. Cry me a river. But ya know what? She's slowly coming out of her fog... I can tell. Will it be enough to save my marriage? That's yet to be determined. But now I have hope where there wasn't any before.

MB is here to help all of us. Feed off my story and I'll keep helping you as much as I can.

There's so much support here for you. Use it. Vent here. Scream here. But at home be all smiles. Your children are counting on you...

Be strong!

Thank you! I am holding up well, like I said going to classes and doing a lot of very physical exercise. Has helped me feel great (and look pretty darn good too!).

Kids are doing well. H wants to come over 2 nights a week, they actually don't want him here as he's mean & grumpy & just wants to watch tv when he's here.

Got boxing class in an hour. Will enjoy pretending am taking shots at OWs skanky face..

obrivry, of course he would lie to his mother about the state of the affair. Now, did you see my comment about getting the OW's PARENT'S phone # and calling her parents? I have said this over and over again and don't see any headway here. I am starting to feel, once again, like I am talking to a wall. Calling her parents is a very EFFECTIVE EXPOSURE and you can't afford to miss it.

If you have any hestitation about the status of the affair, I would invite you to watch the OW' apartment. She moved out so she could resume her affair with your H. The affair is live and well, I assure you! [if your MIL does not believe this, have her hire a PI and watch the OW's apartment - don't take my word for it!] And if you want to save your marriage, you will need to bust up that affair. What are you doing along those lines?

Have you read up on Plan B? Plan A for a woman is only supposed to last 3 to 4 weeks and then Plan B is warranted if the WS won't end his affair and commit to the marriage. Are you ready for the next step?

I know he is lying to his parents. I am trying to get a # for her parents, if they are even still alive. I have not heard back from her husband, do not know what state they live in to try to get their contact info.

I know the affair is still going on. I have exposed her to her H, sister, workplace, FB friends, moms from her childrens daycare.

yes am ready for plan B. But he is not committing to the marriage anyway - is it futile? Tell me what to do.

Oh no, you would go into Plan B because he is not committing to the marriage and ending his affair. That is the whole point.

Do you have the book Surviving an Affair? I would get that and read up on Plan B and start making preparations. In the meantime, start reading here so you can start thinking about it: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2482787#Post2482787

I just got that book. Am reading the post now, thank you!

Good girl!

How are you doing obrivey?

Hiya Meggy, I am doing really well. I feel better than I have in years. I just finished my med-surg semester at nursing school with an A. My boxing trainer wants me to consider training to compete. My kids are doing great, they are happy & relaxed - perhaps more so than in a long time. I have met somebody (do not yell at me, it is not a romantic relationship!!). He is just a friend, but I enjoy talking with him. I know a relationship is the last thing I need.

I was asked out by 4 people - what a nice ego boost LOL. Course I said no, but it was still nice to be asked.

My H looks like crap, he needs shoulder surgery, and is still drinking a lot. His parents will not talk to wither of us now. My parents were here for a few weeks, and they think this may turn out to have been the best thing that ever happened to me.

I wouldn't have H back if he were the last man on earth.

Oh and re the workplace exposure. Nothing ever happened. Well nothing much, both my ex and OW were called in to explain themselves. One of the guys who works there had also complained as he could not go to Diana to complain about his supervisor (my ex) as they are involved with each other. Supposedly, they were told that this had better not interfere with work or thats it (already seems to be to be doing that?). But anyway, this all came from my ex, I never heard anything officially from the company. I was collecting the kids from him the other week, and he said she was giving him a hard time for dropping the ball at work. Sucks to be him - I don't give a fiddlers! So I said - well that's why you don't go getting involved with those you work with...
And I ran into 2 of the guys he supervises on my way into the apartment building. Heard them say "he left her? - what the F is wrong with him??" HAHA

OWs mother knows, her father is dead. He was a preacher, so this probably would have killed him anyway. Everybody who could know knows. Ex looks like crap, OW looks like crap too, she is so stressed out looking. I am actually enjoying it. I feel great.

His parents wont talk to us because we wont get back together. Like that's their decision to make? And it really annoys me because the only thing it does is make things difficult and awkward around the children.

Obrivey, you sound strong and confident. You've weathered this well! Good for you!

Pity the same can't be said for your ex and his AP. But that's usually how it works. I think it's the law of nature...

Obrivey. I encourage you to think about reconciliation if it becomes an option. Your 3 DC's lives will be impacted. I know your mad but just consider it. You can have romantic love with WH again if the right steps are taken.

"He is just a friend, but I enjoy talking with him." Ok on this one I need a 2x4. THIS IS HOW ALL AFFAIRS BEGIN! During plan B it should not be going on at all! This is how your WH's affair began and your cracking the door open to your own Affair by allowing any Male to fill your emotional needs. You just made a famous quote from the way-wards handbook about "Just Friends". Plan B is giving your WH a chance and to work on yourself. Beware of any man that would ask out a MARRIED/SEPARATED woman.

One more note as I didnt go back on all your posts. But to me it sounds like your wanting to go straight to plan FU. Not plan B. So if there is a chance to reconcile be strong and convicted but dont give up hope. 10 years and 3 children makes it difficult to throw away a Family without walking away knowing you did everything in your power to make it work. Betrayal of your vows is a hard thing to overcome. But if his fog will somehow get lifted he can be the man you married.

Oh no way in hell would I get back with him. I have no respect for him, none, zip, nada. I am not mad, I am past that stage. My ex & I have had many good talks. I forgive him or what he has done. I will never forget it, but I have forgiven him.

And I am not having an affair, this guy has not asked me out. There is no chance to reconcile with my ex. I want no part of it. So I guess I'm in plan FU (whatever that is)