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Joined: Apr 2011
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I only recently discovered this site and it has already helped me immensely. I could really use some immediate advice and wisdom from you all. I plan on posting the full story soon but for now I will just try and sum up.
I have been with my H for 8 years, I'm 35, H is 32 and we have 2 children. The OW is married, they are both 28 and they have no children.

This a had gone on from Jan 2010 and exposure was Dec. 2010. After exposure, I learned that the OW had been diagnosed with Leukemia earlier in the year and her prognosis was dire. She was also about 13 weeks pregnant with my H's twins. She said dr's told her if she carried to term she could die and "babies" were already sick. The 2 times my H went to her city to visit was because she was dying in the hospital.She had come to our state 4 or 5 times. They work for the same company.
After much investigation I learned that she was never sick and dying, never was pregnant and had been perpetuating lies in attempts to keep a "relationship" with my H. He said he wanted to end it a long time before but with "babies" involved he didn't know what to do. We had been on the verge of divorcing for awhile.
I had a lot of conversations with the OW, her best friend(who also works at their company and was in on the lies as well) and have spoken to her brother who has only known her for a year. He was one of the ones that had given me confirmation on all of these lies. I have tried to find a way to contact her H but it has been impossible. He knows she cheated on him once but they are trying to work it out. He has no idea about any details. I found out his parents info and am considering calling his mother today. I feel her H has the right to know and I also know she has cheated on him before. They have been married 4 years. I am nervous to call his mother but I know the OW has no remorse and she has continued to use friends to threaten us. I have wanted to make sure I am not being vindictive but almost feel an obligation to expose the truth before she hurts anyone else.
Without going into anymore detail...Should I call the OW's MIL? What do I say?? Thank you for advice..I'm totally stressed out and I want this to stop..

Last edited by hopetoheal2011; 04/05/11 02:34 PM.

Me:35
Hubby:32
Married almost 7 years
2 children :15 & 6
D-Day: 12/17/2010
Still together,trying to recover
Joined: Sep 2008
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Welcome to MB, hth.

I'm sorry but just looking at your post hurts my eyes. It is not comfortable to read such a huge block of unbroken text on a screen, and I don't think I'll be the only person to react like this.

You will get more responses if you go back to the original post and edit it into paragraphs of 2-3 lines each.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
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oh okay...Sorry!!! It;s hard to break it down..Thanks for the advice. smile


Me:35
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D-Day: 12/17/2010
Still together,trying to recover
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My advice? Yes expose, you gotta let the OWH what his wife has been doing it is not right and it is WRONG.

Good luck!

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Originally Posted By: hopetoheal2011
I only recently discovered this site and it has already helped me immensely. I could really use some immediate advice and wisdom from you all. I plan on posting the full story soon but for now I will just try and sum up.
I have been with my H for 8 years, I'm 35, H is 32 and we have 2 children. The OW is married, they are both 28 and they have no children.

This a had gone on from Jan 2010 and exposure was Dec. 2010. After exposure, I learned that the OW had been diagnosed with Leukemia earlier in the year and her prognosis was dire. She was also about 13 weeks pregnant with my H's twins. She said dr's told her if she carried to term she could die and "babies" were already sick. The 2 times my H went to her city to visit was because she was dying in the hospital.She had come to our state 4 or 5 times. They work for the same company.
After much investigation I learned that she was never sick and dying, never was pregnant and had been perpetuating lies in attempts to keep a "relationship" with my H. He said he wanted to end it a long time before but with "babies" involved he didn't know what to do. We had been on the verge of divorcing for awhile.
I had a lot of conversations with the OW, her best friend(who also works at their company and was in on the lies as well) and have spoken to her brother who has only known her for a year. He was one of the ones that had given me confirmation on all of these lies. I have tried to find a way to contact her H but it has been impossible. He knows she cheated on him once but they are trying to work it out. He has no idea about any details. I found out his parents info and am considering calling his mother today. I feel her H has the right to know and I also know she has cheated on him before. They have been married 4 years. I am nervous to call his mother but I know the OW has no remorse and she has continued to use friends to threaten us. I have wanted to make sure I am not being vindictive but almost feel an obligation to expose the truth before she hurts anyone else.
Without going into anymore detail...Should I call the OW's MIL? What do I say?? Thank you for advice..I'm totally stressed out and I want this to stop..

Do your H and OW still work together?

And is this correct: you don't know how to contact her H, but you know how to contact HIS parents? How can that be?

You have spoken to OW? What did you talk about? Was this at the time she was spinning the story about being pregnant and dying?


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I agree with SpphireReturns,
Breaking up the affair is the only step right now, working from both ends is key.
Exposure is to save the marriage, the marriage can't be saved if the affair continues.


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
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They work for the same company but in different states. And yes, they both still work there.
Her H is not on FB or anything..believe me I have tried everything. I only found his parents number and address last night.
I spoke to the OW the night of exposure. She showed up at my house the next day. I thought that I had to accept the fact that she was going to be in my life so I wanted to find out as much about her as I could. She thought my H and I weren't talking and he had moved out. The extent of her deceit is so elaborate, it's incredible. And yes, she kept us both going with lies..Keep your friends close, enemies closer, that type of thing.. wink


Me:35
Hubby:32
Married almost 7 years
2 children :15 & 6
D-Day: 12/17/2010
Still together,trying to recover
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 15
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My H broke it off with her immediately although he told her he would still be responsible if she decided to have "the babies". He gave me an all access pass to emails, texts, phone conversations...everything. She had no idea we were talking.


Me:35
Hubby:32
Married almost 7 years
2 children :15 & 6
D-Day: 12/17/2010
Still together,trying to recover
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653
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Originally Posted By: hopetoheal2011
Should I call the OW's MIL? What do I say?? Thank you for advice..I'm totally stressed out and I want this to stop..


Yes, call OW's MIL. Tell her your name, tell her you're trying to reach her son. She'll ask why, tell her your husband had an affair with his wife and that there is some information that you think he should know about.

Odds are, she'll press to see what that information is. Tell her.

This way, you'll appear to not be trying to dump everything on her, and will let her guide the conversation as to how much she wants to know. Don't worry, I'll bet she'll talk to her son, but still ask for his contact info.

Most mothers will not appreciate hearing that their daughter-in-law is screwing around on their son. Hopefully, she'll come down on OW and serve as a valuable ally to you.


Me (BH)
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Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

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Ok...I'm going to do it now...Wish me luck! and thank you wink


Me:35
Hubby:32
Married almost 7 years
2 children :15 & 6
D-Day: 12/17/2010
Still together,trying to recover
Joined: Jul 2010
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You'll do fine, you're doing the right thing.


Me (BH)
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ok...called the number and it is disconnected. frown tried other listing for same name and got voicemail...i know OW MIL is on FB but I am reluctant to message her. I am afraid that will give her time to contact OW and give OW the chance to lie, say I'm crazy, etc...What now???


Me:35
Hubby:32
Married almost 7 years
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D-Day: 12/17/2010
Still together,trying to recover
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Do you have any proof of the affair? If you do, when you write the message on FB to OW MIL, let her know that you have proof and that you would be willing to show her the proof, but you would like her to call you.


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Try that second number later this evening, see what happens.

As for facebook, do what Scotland suggested.

You are correct, you don't want to show your hand too much lest OW get to spin her story. If she's this nuts with you and your husband, I'll bet the MIL already thinks she's a bit off and would be open to hearing you out.

Do you have the address for OW's MIL and FIL?


Me (BH)
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Oh yes...mountains of proof...I tried to contact OW BIL on FB before..He is only 19..He didn't believe me and wouldn't give me any info..


Me:35
Hubby:32
Married almost 7 years
2 children :15 & 6
D-Day: 12/17/2010
Still together,trying to recover
Joined: Jul 2010
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Do you think the MIL and FIL still work?

Maybe their names appear on a company website or something? Try various google searches. For example, if John Smith lives in Atlanta, put it in quotes

"John Smith" Atlanta
"Smith John" Atlanta

and see what turns up. An unusual name helps, of course. That's how I found out the phone number for my OM's wife.

You could also try some of those paysites that give out information. www.intelius.com is one, there are plenty of others and only cost a few bucks.


Me (BH)
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Originally Posted By: hopetoheal2011
Oh yes...mountains of proof...I tried to contact OW BIL on FB before..He is only 19..He didn't believe me and wouldn't give me any info..


If you have his address, then copy your proof and overnight it to him. Add a note for him to kindly tell his SIL to get the eff out of you and your husband's lives.

Your goal is to stir up as much crap as possible on her side of the fence so that she'll be getting heat from her husband and her family to leave you the hell alone. Hopefully, she'll think twice about ever messing with you again. Make her think you're one that should be given a wide berth.


Me (BH)
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Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

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Yes I have their address. I google-earthed it and it is the same one that is in the pics that the OW had on her FB when she was there at Christmas when they gave her a new car.


Me:35
Hubby:32
Married almost 7 years
2 children :15 & 6
D-Day: 12/17/2010
Still together,trying to recover
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653
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There you go, then, you've got an option.

If you think they no longer live there, find that county's property tax website (Search "X County property tax") and see if they have an option to search landrolls or to pull up the property tax bill by either owner name or address. That'll confirm that they still own the property as of last tax payment.

Then copy your papers, stuff them in a box and overnight them for delivery tomorrow.


Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 15
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I sent the BIL her itinerary from one of the times she flew up to see my H. I also said I had more and I thought his brother had the right to know. He reported me to FB as harassing him. I know the OW found out about this because her friend that lives up here contacted my H and said the OW was going to file harassment order if I didn't stop contacting her family.


Me:35
Hubby:32
Married almost 7 years
2 children :15 & 6
D-Day: 12/17/2010
Still together,trying to recover
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