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Originally Posted by hopetoheal2011
My H broke it off with her immediately although he told her he would still be responsible if she decided to have "the babies". He gave me an all access pass to emails, texts, phone conversations...everything. She had no idea we were talking.

Is your H still in contact with the OW or not? That part isn't clear to me.... If not, when was the last time they had contact?


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Originally Posted by hopetoheal2011
I know the OW found out about this because her friend that lives up here contacted my H and said the OW was going to file harassment order if I didn't stop contacting her family.

Don't worry about it, she's full of it and wants to scare you off. You had her worried that her secret was going to come out.

A lot of people have been told the exact same thing. So what if she did? What would she do, go to the police and say "Waaah!! Mean ole hopetoheal keeps fussing at me for screwing around with her husband!! Woe is me!! She's such a meanie, please make her stop it!!"

Naw, ain't going to happen. No way any OW is going to risk having you come up and tell your side of the story in front of her "supporting" family in court.

Just send the papers, if they've got an ounce of sense they'll see right through her stories.



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No he is not. We both were until we found out that there were never any "babies" and then that was it. But she dragged it out for months..Even before I knew anything. She counted on my H being naive and very stupid but she didn't count on me. He doesn't want anything to do with her and realizes what an idiot he was.


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so i just sent this FB message to her MIL...

Hello,
You don't know me but I am the wife of the man that your daughter-in-law has been having an affair with. I am so sorry I have to resort to contacting you but I have information that I think your son has the right to know and I haven't been able to reach him. I am not trying to cause anyone pain but as a Christian this has been weighing heavily on my conscience. After speaking to B****** brother (who was wonderful) I know she has not been honest with your son as well as a lot of other people. My intention is not to be vengeful in any way but only to give your son the opportunity to make decisions based on truth. I have spoken to B***** a lot and given her the chance to come clean and she has chosen not to do this. I don't know your son but I have heard he is a good man. I would prefer to give details to M*** and answer any questions he might have and let him decide what he wants to share but if you question my integrity at all, I have a lot of proof to back up everything I say. If you would prefer to call me my number is ***-***-**** I feel this matter is urgent because she has been attempting to contact my husband and I through her friends in a threatening way. She has already shown up at my home in ******* and I have 2 children I need to protect. She has called my daughter's phone looking for my husband. I am pleading to you as a woman and a mother. Thank you and again, I am so sorry..

Last edited by hopetoheal2011; 04/05/11 03:12 PM.

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I think your message is just fine. I hope it does some good!

Last edited by HopeandGrace; 04/05/11 06:05 PM.

"Your future isn't sealed. Nothing bad is going to happen. You just put everything in God's hands and in the meanwhile, do all you can do as a woman to protect yourself and your finances and family. That's what your job is to do now and let God deal with the wayward. Trust me...you do not have to lift a finger. HE will deal with the wayward."
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Originally Posted by hopetoheal2011
The 2 times my H went to her city to visit was because she was dying in the hospital.

Hi H2H, Welcome to MB. I'm so sorry that you're going through this but you've come to the right place.

Good job on the exposure to MIL! The sentence I quoted has me wondering about whether your WH is being truthful with you. If he went to her city TWICE to visit her "while she was dying the hospital" why didn't he know that was obviously a lie the first time he went? Did you question that?

Has he told you everything? You don't say too much about him and what he's doing. What is he doing to protect your marriage now?

Have you read "Surviving An Affair"?

Dr. Harley has a very specific plan for recovery:

"The plan I recommend for recovery after an affair is very specific. That's because I've found that even small deviations from that plan are usually disastrous. But when it's followed, it always works. The plan has two parts that must be implemented sequentially.

The first part of the plan is for the unfaithful spouse to completely separate from the lover and eliminate the conditions that made the affair possible. The second part is for the couple to create a romantic relationship, using my Basic Concepts as a guide.

I'll describe these two parts to you in a little more detail. The first step, complete separation from the lover and eliminating the conditions that made the affair possible, requires a complete understanding of the affair. All information regarding the affair must be revealed to the betrayed spouse, including the name of the lover, the conditions that made the affair possible (travel, internet, etc.), the details of what took place during the affair, all correspondence, and anything else that would shed light on the tragedy.

This information is important for two reasons: (1) it creates accountability and transparency, making it essentially impossible for the unfaithful spouse to continue the affair or begin a new one unnoticed, and (2) it creates trust for the betrayed spouse, providing evidence that the affair is over and a new one is unlikely to take its place. The nightmares you experience are likely to continue until you have the facts that will lead to your assurance that your husband can be trusted.

An analysis of the wayward spouse's childhood or emotional state of mind in an effort to discover why he or she would have an affair is distracting and unnecessary. It takes precious time away from finding the real solutions. I know why people have affairs: We are all wired for it. Given certain conditions, we would all do it. Given other conditions, however, none of us would do it. So the goal of the first step is to discover the conditions that made the affair possible and eliminate them.

After the first step is completed, the second step is to create a romantic relationship between you and your husband using my 10 Basic Concepts here as your guide. While your relationship may be improving, it won't lead to a romantic relationship because you are not being transparent toward each other. Unspoken issues in a marital relationship lead to a superficiality that ruins romance."

Here's a thread about it



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Welcome h2h. Sorry you're here, but there is hope and healing if you follow the plan.

I am a little confused as to why you are having such a hard time contacting the OWH. You said your H gave you access to everything. Doesn't that include her home phone numbers? Doesn't she live with her BH? I guess they could've communicated through her cell alone, but with reverse lookups and online searches, nothing much is secret anymore. I believe until you talk to OWH directly, you will have not completed exposure. Look at the Investigate threads on the infidelity forums. You should be able to get more information than you currently have if you have all that evidence.

And I agree with whoever said we need to know what your DH is doing to make you feel safe. Exposure is a big piece of killing the A but EPs are what will bring you healing.


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Quote
I know the OW found out about this because her friend that lives up here contacted my H and said the OW was going to file harassment order if I didn't stop contacting her family.
OW can't file a restraining order against you on behalf of her family. They have to do that for themselves. And there is no evidence of harassment. One contact does not constitute harassment.


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I'm still trying to figure out how to respond to each one of your questions individually..I'm not very computer savvy so bear with me... @princessmeggy: She was diagnosed with Leukemia earlier in 2010. According to her brother, whom I only recently spoke to, this is true however she is young (28)and he said she had treatment and is fine. My H had gotten a message from her best friend saying that she had gone into the hospital with pneumonia and her lungs were filling up with blood and she was dying because of her weak condition. At this time she wasn't claiming to be pregnant yet. My H went there and spent the day at the hospital.He saw her in the hospital but only briefly. From what i have since learned, I think it was a time when she had a chemo treatment. She was elaborating just a tad. The second time, my H thought she was pregnant and he received another text from her best friend saying she was bleeding and was fighting for her life. My H flew down again (this was a few months after the first time) and the OW picked him up from the airport!! She said she had checked herself out. WHAAAT? He was only there for the day.
As far as what is going on now, my H has given me full disclosure to everything, answered all my questions and has incredible remorse and guilt. He has faced our family, friends and is dedicated to making our marriage work. He has not lied to me. Believe me, I would've found out! I should be a detective! LOL We are looking forward to reading "how to survive an affair"..


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@ trustwillcome: They don't have a home phone. I only have her cell phone. I have tried every resource imaginable..If I hadn't seen pics of them together I might think he was just another lie of hers! LOL
They live 3 states away. I have their address it's just been difficult to get there. I have 2 children in school.I don't know what else to do short of showing up at their house.


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you might have to do that, show up at his door. there isn't anything that you shouldn't do to save your marriage


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Originally Posted by hopetoheal2011
@ trustwillcome: They don't have a home phone. I only have her cell phone. I have tried every resource imaginable..If I hadn't seen pics of them together I might think he was just another lie of hers! LOL
They live 3 states away. I have their address it's just been difficult to get there. I have 2 children in school.I don't know what else to do short of showing up at their house.
hth2011, Here's what you do: send a package to OWH containing a letter explaining who you are and telling him about the affair. Enclose copies of your evidence. Tell him you welcome his call if he has any questions.

Tell the post office you want to mail the package "restricted delivery" which will force the addressee to show ID and sign for the package. That way OW can't get to it first.


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