Thanx guys, that list is growing. I only hope my children learn how to cook for themselves so I won;t need to stop reading. Okay, okay, J/K(a little).

DS8 has been having trouble going to sleep now too. He is worried that something bad will happen. He keeps telling me that he misses me and he has become extremely clingy again. He always wants to sleep in my bed, and I keep telling him that he needs to sleep in his own bed. Hard to do at 3am but I have been managing okay.

I am doing what I need to do because.....there is no one else around to help. Of course it isn't easy, but it never is. ARGH.

Well, snuggle with him in his bed til he falls back asleep. He needs it right now. He is 8 and that is so very young. His life is askew and I am all for listening to the underlying message (more closeness while reassuring him).
What ever happened to the dog? Is it still there? Does it sleep in the house? Maybe the dog could sleep in DS8's room?

Susie, I LOVE my Kindle! The battery stays charged forever and it's so easy to use. Best of all, new reading material can be mine in a matter of seconds!

My DSs gave me Ender's Game (or, rather, let me use the oldest DS's worn-out copy!) I loved it--I had the final plot twist figured out, but I found it to be a very enjoyable read.

Currently I'm rereading the Song of Fire and Ice series by George R.R. Martin. It's extremely well-written and totally engrossing. And, now thinking about it, it occurs to me that oldest DS recommended this author, too. (That's okay--I turned him onto Tolkien and Asimov--he owes me a few good books!)

I'm loving this book t/j, too.

I absolutely adore the Dresden Files series--I even recommended it (above) a day or two ago. I think the most appealing part of it is the humor that comes out--not forced or jokey, just things that will make you laugh and appreciate that the author is someone you'd like to spend an evening with. While there's not a lot of romance, Harry Dresden is sexy. He's talented yet humble and filled with righteous rage at wrongdoers. I heart him.

reading, I can't sleep in the bed with DS8 because it is a twin and DS10 is already in there with him. They started sleeping in the same bed just before Bampot left. I think they needed each other. I am okay with that. They BOTH want to sleep in my bed at times. It's not new. Even when Bampot was here, there were times that I would wake up with one of them wedged between us. Usually, I didn't even know that they were there until I saw them. Sneaky little ones. I just know that it is a habit that I don't want in my life. I also will admit that I sleep much better without them in the bed. They are like little heaters and DS8 tends to sleep right up against me, even with no one else in the KING size bed.

LOL!

reading, I can't sleep in the bed with DS8 because it is a twin and DS10 is already in there with him. They started sleeping in the same bed just before Bampot left. I think they needed each other. I am okay with that. They BOTH want to sleep in my bed at times. It's not new. Even when Bampot was here, there were times that I would wake up with one of them wedged between us. Usually, I didn't even know that they were there until I saw them. Sneaky little ones. I just know that it is a habit that I don't want in my life. I also will admit that I sleep much better without them in the bed. They are like little heaters and DS8 tends to sleep right up against me, even with no one else in the KING size bed.

HopeandGrace asked me what I have been up to. I realized then, that I do many things now without even a thought about Bampot. It is weird. It's like the realization that your child is growing up and you didn't notice until that moment.

Lately, as you all know, I have been reading. I finished The Gargoyle. It was okay. I will be getting Hunger Games from the library tomorrow.

The boys and I have been watching a lot of moves together. We have begun to watch the Harry Potter movies. They seem to really enjoy them.

I am busy making things for my BIL and his GF who will be having a baby in the next few weeks. Also, my cousin will be having a baby too.

I started looking into college courses that I can take online.

I applied for a manager position at work.

A couple of weeks ago, the kiddos came back from Bampot's and told me that they had been taken to go see a new place for Bampot and OW to live. Yesterday, Bampot showed them the place that they will be moving to. He then told them that there are a lot of children there and that they can make a lot of new friends. I don't get it. They aren't there very often, and the time that they are there, they should be spending time with Bampot. Oh well. Then, today, he sent a message stating that he wants the boys there every Saturday night and they will sleep over. The IM(being GREAT) asked me how I wanted to handle clothing etc. I sent her the response that the boys will be willing to sleep over there every other weekend and they will only bring with them the items that are not easily replaceable, ie DS8's pillow and cabbage patch kid that he sleeps with and some toys. I believe that anything else they need for their time with their father should be provided for by Bampot.

My mom is worried that Bampot is trying to get custody of DSx2. He has no legal ground to stand on. The best he could hope to get is 50/50, but I won't let that happen too quickly. I know that he is up to something, since he has been making sure to let the answering machine pick up every time he calls. I guess he wants record of how often he calls. I don't know what for, it's not like it is a good record anyways. SHRUG.

So, it seems that life is pluggin on as it should. I am still taking care of myself and since I am not intending on dating any time soon, I haven't found any reason to file for a D. Let's see where life will take me next.......

You sound good Scotty. As you know I am not into the dating scene either. I am not against it, but freinds are more my speed anyways. Maybe I will find one someday that I want more with, but thats so far down the road, and there is a lot of road to cover too.. lol.

Good luck on your possible promo at work. I am sure you will be awesome. The colledge classes can be a lot of fun also.

Hug the Kiddos for me, and Rock on Scotty rocks

Wow, look at you! I'm crossing my fingers that you'll get that management position and start taking college classes online. As for your boys enjoying HP movies--of course they do! I even fantasize about flying my own broom (some students I've had will swear I already do! )

I have Hunger Games on my Kindle, so let me know how you like it. I'm still going on with the Song of Fire and Ice series since I want to be fully up-to-date when Book 5 comes out in July.

I guess I don't need to tell you to document, document, document the days he calls and how often he speaks to the boys but just thought I'd mention it.

I bet you're heading somewhere great, with or without Bampot. You're a terrific person, Scotty, and I very much enjoy "knowing" you.

Thanx guys. Not only do I document, there is also my cell record, since I am smart enough to ensure that he calls them on that. There were all of the times that he wouldn't call before and then he would email them instead(or not depending on what he was doing). So I have a paper trail if I need one.

I don't think that my mom's fears are valid. I don't see how it could work out and I don't believe that OW would adjust her life for his kids. They are moving into a house. DS8 said, "They will have a basement so we can run around and make a mess and Daddy won't have to tell us to stop." HAHAHAHA Then he said, "Daddy wants us to sleep over so he doesn't have to pay for gas so much." I was caught off guard with that comment(although I shouldn't have been since he said that before) and I replied, "It would have made me more happy if he said he wanted to spend more time with you instead." Oh well, it really wasn't that bad of a comment, but I shouldn't have said anything.

I dunno if I mentioned the other book I am also reading, The Secret. I have always known about the power of positive thinking, and I have always tried to stay away from people who were toxic, I am seeing things a bot differently now. I believe ANYTHING is possible. Positive things just HAVE to happen.

Dang, girl. You are good. I am so impressed by your growth through all of this! That idjit Bampot - ah, well, he'll just have to deal with his regrets at his leisure

I read The Secret, and while I thought it was a little over the top with attaining anything you want, the message was a good one to incorporate. One thing I got from it was to realize that I have an abundance of wealth. Not so much cash (sadly ) but the other, less replaceable stuff like health and family. AND to avoid toxic people so their negative energy doesn't sap mine.

You're doing great, Scotland!

Scotty - it's been months since I caught up on your story, and there were way too many posts to catch up on (some 100 pages lol) but you sound like you're doing great! I read the Secret too, and was sucked in by the promise of having anything I wanted as long as I thought positively hard enough lol. Took me a while, but I figured out that it's not really magic - if you're a positive person you attract positive things and people to you! No one wants to be around dreary, unhappy people all the time.

Anyway, you have grown incredibly and I hope your journey continues to go well!

Thanx NP. I have learned that from the Secret too. The main thing I also learned was about how to change the way that I look at things. There were times when I would worry about my kids, and I would notice that I would compound that worrying and my thoughts would follow. I also realized that it goes right along with MB. The more I would think about how I missed Bampot, the MORE I missed Bampot. KWIM? I would also pray about things that I didn't want to happen. I have also changed that too. Now, I give thanx for the strength that I have been given and pray for things to turn out better.

I have started reading the Hunger Games. I am more than halfway through the first book, should have it finished tonight. Then, I need to wait for the second one to come back to the library. I picked up the third one again today so I won't need to wait. So far, so good. I have Eragon, and the Percy Jackson books lined up. I also ordered the book, "The Sweet Potato Queen's Book of Love" off of ebay. It was recommended to me by a very wise and WONDERFUL woman. Thanx.

Today, I had another trying day with DS8. He got into a "fight" with his bestfriend about holding the door open when it was time to go in. I told him to back off. He got angry and then shut down and wouldn't go in. his teacher came out, and I must admit, I think she is FANTASTIC. She asked me what happened and I told her. She then mentioned that it happened on Tuesday as well. She told DS8 that he would be the person to hold open the door after recess. He still wouldn't budge. Then, I tried, to no avail, to put him inside. He just came back out. Physically lifting him never accomplishes anything. The teacher asked if it would be easier if she weren't there. I told her that it would probably be easier if I weren't there. To that, she smiled in agreement. Then she told me that DS8 has been talking about how he misses Bampot, our old dog and cat(who died almost 3 years ago), for the past 2 weeks. I had noticed that he was more clingy at home but didn't think anything of it. Poor Guy. Anyways, he had a few minutes alone with me without the teacher when he said, "I am hungry." I asked him what he had in his lunch. He told me he didn't want to eat any of it now, he wanted something else. I took him to the store where he got a giant chocolate chip cookie and some milk. He ate it and went to school. I hope he had a good day. As I was walking out of the classroom, I heard the teacher say, "You are one lucky boy to have a mommy who..." I was walking away and didn't hear the rest, but I teared up anyways.

Now, for the real reason in need to post today. I want to keep this thread as honest as possible as I know a lot of people keep an eye on it. Some may even be helped by the words that i write, and that is my truest intention. I have been having thoughts about other men. It didn't just happen. There were a couple of times last year when I had fleeting thoughts. One man, if I hadn't had strong enough boundaries up, I may have crossed that line.

I believe that there have been 4 men I have thought about in a fantasy relationship way. I interacted with them and thought, "It would be nice to have him in my life." I say "fantasy" because, when I am truly thinking about it, they would not be a good match for me. None of them are married, but I AM. Not only that, a relationship with them would not be a better life for me. Realistically, if I were looking for a "mate", they would be no where near the top of my list.

You don't need to worry about me, I have my strict boundaries up with these men, as well as other men. I just thought I would put these feelings down, here, so others can know the importance of boundaries and so they don't feel abnormal if they have these same thoughts. I am not in a wayward mindset, but through these "fantasy" thoughts, I can see how it can happen.

Another reason I am forever grateful to all of you. If it weren't for the accountability I feel towards you all, and the guidance I have received, I would have made my life miserable.

Thanx for reading along. You guys are SUPER FANTASTIC.

(((((DS8)))))
And his teacher is correct about you and your ability to be a good, but not smothering, mom.



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And, on a lighter note ....
Hmmmmmmmm
I think you might be having some >ahem< tension "down there".
There's an "app" for that.
If you catch my drift ...

I agree he is one lucky boy.


Not surprising or abnormal at all. It is good you have your boundaries up and aren't crossing any lines. However, you know what I am going to say next...right?

How long are you going to live this limbo? Your WH has released you from your marriage vow and he shows ZERO interest in repairing what he damaged so badly. You could be legally free of him in a very short amount of time and then FREE to think of other men and entertain an actual relationship.

Your choice of course. But think about the possibilities of being divorced from your WH.

Scotty, I don't post to you much because you sure don't need any help from me!

I hate to hear about DS8, though Thankfully, God gave him an awfully good Mommy!

SW, the thing is, in all reality, I still love Bampot. I am not ready to even contemplate a relationship, fantasy or otherwise, with anyone else,right now. I understand that you only want what is best for me, but getting into any type of relationship is not it, ATM. I still need to heal. A man isn't going to heal me. I still have hope and faith. I will know what I need to do, when I am ready.

Pep, oh good grief you make me HOWL. It's not only about hmmmm..."down there," it's about love. I want to feel loved by a man. I want to feel protected. I want some romance darn it. ARGH.

MB, I will take any advice, encouragement, or 2x4's that you have to dish out to me. You are "da bomb." HEHEHEHE

I suppose reading the hunger Games series isn't helping me in my wanting romance. They are some good books though and I would suggest anyone who likes YA to read them. I read almost the whole Catching Fire one yesterday. I started on Mockinjay today. I had to buy the books. I am loaning them to my friends now too. Thanx SusieQ(I think you are the one who suggested them and I am too lazy to go find out if it wasn't you).