Pep can correct me if I am wrong, but growing up is OVERRATED.


You know Pep, I don't have a problem with criticism. I usually think about that and see if I feel like it has some merit. When it comes to praise, I don't feel like I deserve it. Hmmmmmm I should think about that more.

SW, I KNOW that I have begun to heal. It is still a long road for me, I have accepted that. Being in Plan B has helped me, A LOT. I know that if I had not been in Plan B, I would be a royal mess right now. Again, thank you for your concern and know that I AM listening. Even if you advice is not used right now, it may well be in the future. Who knows? Not me, I'm just along for the ride.

One thing I have realized with this journey of being betrayed and working through personal recovery is that whether criticized or praised
no one else defines you

Having an open mind to reflect on incoming comments and pausing to consider them is helpful but what we feel about ourself at each juncture and how we proceed with that self knowledge is, or seems to be, the little magical prize of the intense emotional journey.

Reading, thanx for that. It isn't just about my personal recovery that I have a problem with accepting compliments. I lost weight this past year and a half, and anytime someone would say something about it, I had a problem accepting the compliment. I think it's more about me feeling like I can always do better. I need to just learn how to say "Thank you" as Pep suggested.

Scotty,
I used to be that way as well until someone called me on it, they said stop it just say "Thanks". It was a moment that I realized that I could just take the compliment for what it was, just a compliment.................it's been easy since then............
jessi

My point is, give both praise and criticism equal importance.

"Thank you"

That balances things out, IMO.

If you accept criticism but not praise, you're not in balance.

Thanx for the wisdom Pep. I will definitely work on that.

I just thought about something. It is possible that I am more willing to accept criticism because I am always looking for ways to improve. When I receive a compliment, it feels wrong because I KNOW I could do better. I guess accepting praise with a Thank you, isn't about being finished, just about celebrating the little steps. I told you this growing up thing is overrated. Geez, thinking, becoming a better person, it sure is a lot harder than hiding under a rock.

I think you have to heal at your own pace. For me, it's strange - I very much dislike my WH now, but I still think back fondly of good times we had together and miss it. I'm ready to move on past him, but everyone goes at their own pace.

I think you're doing great, and being strong! Is there any reason why you aren't ready to start the divorce? Are you just not at that place yet?

GOOD FOR YOU taking charge of your life though! And always take compliments!

The short answer is that I am just not ready to be divorced yet. Plain and simple. I am trying to recover from all of the betrayal and hurt. I am trying to become a whole person. When I think about filing for a divorce(even typing it right now) my stomach sinks. I am not ready for that, right now. I am at the stage right now where I KNOW that I don't need Bampot to come back. I KNOW that I can do this on my own, because I AM doing this on my own and I have been for almost 16 months. I am laughing again. I am not all the way back to who I was, but I am working on a better version anyways.

Also, I FIRMLY believe in MB and DrH and Plan B lasting 2 years sounds a good base line. For me, I resolved, and you can re-read my thread to see it, that I would Plan B for a MINIMUM of 2 years. I have my own time limit that is actually a bit longer than those 2 years, but after Dec 18th, this year, I will re-evaluate where I am at and what I am ready for.

Again, thank you for the look-out. It is GREATLY appreciated. It is odd to know that I have so many people in my life who want what is best for me. It feels good. Thank you all.

Reality check:

"Boys, when someone compliments you, it should feel wrong to you. Because you should always keep in mind you could have done better.
Rememberr boys, you are never good enough."


Would you advise this as a life strategy for your boys?

Of course not.

If it's not good solid advice/counsel for the boys, it's not right for you either.

Also, when someone makes a compliment, it is polite to thank them rather than advising them on why their good opinion of you is unwarranted.

Just fishing here, because I think I understand where Scotty is coming from, and also where Pep is also.

So when someone gives you praise, you can thank God for it, that someone thinks so highly of you, knowing that it is a gift for the moment, and that it is only a human perspective. But it is heartfelt and you just say thanks, because all interaction is valuable.

You can turn it around when critisized, and say thank you, because you are thankful for thier respect and trust that you are humble enough to listen, because then again all interaction is valuable.

But in the end, what others think and say, is only thier perception anyways, good or bad positive or negative, the easy answer is thanks because they don't know all the answers anyways for you, and you know that also, as life is still unfolding, and life is good. Even the tough parts.

Oh BTW, I love your objectivity and willingness to stand on your own Scotty Rocks. You have come a long way, and I see it also, if thats worth anything to you.

God Bless

Well Pep, I did say that I was a work in progress and progress I will, whether I like it or not.

I think that main times when I can't seem accept a compliment is when I have not done 100% to achieve whatever they are complimenting me on. There are two things that fall into this category. First, when people compliment me on my weight loss. I know that I have lost a lot of weight and I am proud of the accomplishment, only once they say, "Wow, you look great....." I think, "I ate chips yesterday," or "I drank coke last week." I feel guilty. The other time is on here. Whenever someone says that I am doing a good job at Plan B, I think, "I looked at him through the window," "I thought about him yesterday," "I looked at her FB(that one time, but still)." And, I feel guilty again.

Pep, you're right, I wouldn't advise anything of the sort to my children. I will now act as though my children are always watching(even when they aren't around), and I will act as I would wish them to act.

Wow, this personal recovery thing just isn't easy, eh. I have learned, and I will do as advised. You haven't steered me wrong Pep. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Here's an AA slogan.

Progress, not perfection.

I need to read/write this often. So, it's not just about you, it's about me as well.

I like your latest tag line.

I wonder why you would.

I figured that I would see it every time that I post something. It should sink in eventually. I have been working on the "thank yous."

Thanx Pep.

The kiddos are spending the night with Bampot. I talked to DS10 for a few minutes. It's crazy. I miss them. This is the third time that they have stayed there. It is going to become a regular thing.

I wanted to go out and do something, anything, but I am sick. I am watching a comedy and then I think I am going to go to sleep. When I wake up, it will be a trigger day though. It's Bampot's birthday. I will make it. I did it last year. It's just any other day(funny, that's what Bampot used to say too). I wrote it on our calendar, as I write all friend and family birthdays, but I didn't remind the kids. That's not my job anymore.

LOve ya scotty , can relate, hope and pray you can find peace.

Definitely peace Scotty. You will have a lovely weekend!

And chin up. I have knowledge that their lalalaland affairey spot is probably NOT going well by now. Honeymoon (no make that sh(tmoon) is probably over for good by now.

By this time when my xh and his wistress wifey were in this age of their situation, he was already cheating on her and wishing he'd never gone down the path he did.

But YOUR JOB now is being a fabulous mother, a beautiful NEW WOMAN, and a woman with a sense of humor and a fabulous life. That my friend, is your job. Only those worthy of you, are allowed in it

Hugs to you and have a fabulous day tomorrow! When my son would be on visitation, I would have a long, wonderful bubble bath whenever I'd wake up! Then I'd go to starbucks and read the newspaper. Taking my time. And then I'd go usually (if weather was nice) and take a long walk at a lovely park or trail.

I hereby declare today Compliment Practice Day for Scotty, wherein anyone so moved gives her a compliment, and she graciously replies with a simple "thank you".

Scotty, your courage is an inspiration. I can see the grace and character of Christ in your example.

I would want Scotty in my corner for any battle that I had in my life. Her advise would be preciuos, as well as her ,s

I trust her opinions, and her heart.