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With about twenty responses to your
"What do I do?" query, let me summarize:







(Let's see: If a picture IS worth one-thousand words, that's quite a long answer, yes?)

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he soo funny!! rotflmao


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Why do I suddenly have "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" running through my head?


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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"Find a new plan, Stan"

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"Hop on the bus, Gus"

Karma bus?


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Originally Posted By: RMX
...I thought about my reply to this for about .....45 seconds.

Look the Engagement is supposed to be a job interview, she didn't pass.

The two of you had a understanding that your relationship was moving from dating to marriage.

If you proceed to marry this woman, expect hardship down the line.

Be sure to add in Lawyer's fees, children, assets, your mental anguish and suffering.

Move along.. there are millions of women out there.

I sure as hell wouldn't buy a car that broke down during the test drive at the dealership!!!!!


I agree, this is a huge red flag and I'd be thankful I found out BEFORE the wedding.

Some are telling you to walk, I'm telling you to run, to flee. Spare no effort to get out as fast as you possibly can.

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Wow Consider yourself lucky that her character was illuminated before you were legally hooked to this individual. I think you get the message that you need to run and not look back.

You can continue on in this relationship if you have a high pain threshold as she will likely do it again under the right circumstances.

Face it she does not respect you and that means there is no foundation to build on. You managed to dodge a bullet on this one if you are willing to pay attention to the warning signs.

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You obviously love her very much since you have planned to marry her. It is sad that she blew the relationship up the way she has.
It would be prudent to allow yourself to lose your love for her (read up on the love bank concept here).
It takes a while to get over something like this.
You sound like a good man and one who would be a catch to a loyal true woman out there.







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On the other hand...if you follow the path of recovery you MAY have a better marriage than you ever imagined...

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Originally Posted By: abc098
On the other hand...if you follow the path of recovery you MAY have a better marriage than you ever imagined...
abc, bless your heart. I love your optimism. Unfortunately (or FORTUNATELY for him) his GF has shown him a picture of their future together. It's not pretty. It's a heartbreaker.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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I wonder if he's interested in our advice. He hasn't been back.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Yeah, I was noticing that, Sugar.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Still, perhaps we can help a lurker!


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Marital, ABC is still around. Maybe look in on him once in a while if you're not already.

I can't match your advice, maybe you could help.


FBH,Dad
No half measures, in anything.
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Originally Posted By: Reynolds531
Marital, ABC is still around. Maybe look in on him once in a while if you're not already.

I can't match your advice, maybe you could help.
Thanks for flagging me, Reynolds - I'll check in on him. He's another one I've wanted to keep an eye on.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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It takes a severe shock to stop a cheater from cheating again. Severe enough consequences that they "find their soul" and turn to an honorable life.

By breaking up with her, perhaps that will be a severe enough shock that she will consider the end before she begins again. For you she's permanently damaged goods because if you take her back, she will not suffer the loss her cheating warrants that she suffer.

If you love her, you will break up, shockingly sudden, NOW. She needs at least two years of relationship sobriety to clean up her act. Marriage or a relationship with you will keep her from sobering up, if there's even a hope of her sobering up without you there.

But you can't stop her train wreck. You can only get out of the way and let the train crash and hopefully she finds her soul and survives. You didn't cause it. You can't stop it. You can't cure it.

You can only live hopefully ever after wiser, and more careful with your woman-picker in the future.


Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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