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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 90
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OP
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 90 |
Well, it's finally here the first counseling session for us. God am I nervous. I don't know what will happen when I open my mouth. I have so many feeling locked up that I may explode. I hope and pray that she comes clean. There is such a gap between us right know that I feel we will never be as close as we once were. When we are home at night the silence is creepy. We rarely talk about anything serious. I think that if we get on to a serious subject that we disagree about, world war three will break out. I keep thinking that she is still in touch with him even though she says it's over. How do I know what she does at work ? I still feel lost and confused. I really hope that tonight helps.<P>------------------<BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<P>
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406 |
I'm praying for you robilar...<P>Honesty is important... but the sting of it can hurt. Keep us informed...<P>Jim<BR>---------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 90
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OP
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 90 |
NSR,<BR>I know that honesty can hurt, but not knowing the truth is even more torture. My mind never stops. I just imagine the things that they did or said to eachother. Why do I feel violated ? Everything that I held dear to me seems now too be a farce. Tonight can only be a good thing. I'll keep you informed.<P>------------------<BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<P>
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758 |
R,<P>Be careful on those expectations. Lower them a bit, for your own peace.<P>I've been to counseling where honesty was not employed or required. Things take a long time to get to this point, and they are going to take time to get back.<P>Good Luck.<P>
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 47
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 47 |
At least you're going to counseling. If the infidelity comes up (whoever broaches it)do not be afraid to say how you feel. Be very, very careful of placing blame. You could say "When I discovered the infidelity, I felt very sad and hurt, because I love you very much." Don't say "you made me feel" and reinforce that you love her. By saying "You did this" it places blame. She may be wrong, and she will know she is wrong. She will not listen if you blame. <BR>You must also go to counseling by yourself. You have to work through your feelings of anger and resentment away from her so as not to create more problems. <BR>I wish my wife would go to counseling with me. Then I would know that she wants to work and the marriage and is committed to it.
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 90
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OP
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 90 |
TnT and JoeJohn, Thanks for replying.<P>TnT, Maybe you're right about my expectations. I want everything fixed right now. I know that it isn't possible. I guess I should be happy with this first step.<P>JJ, It's hard not to place blame. I know that I'm not the easiest person to be with. I guess that I wasn't meating all of her needs, but she did go outside of the marriage instead of letting me know. I'll try to be careful. Deep down inside I know that she and us are worth the effort.<P>------------------<BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<P>
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