What do I do if my WH files when I go into Plan B?

I haven't gone into Plan B yet just getting the preparations for it.

Lawyer up.

Even if your goal is to delay and fight Plan D, it's vital to have legal representation so you can know what your rights are.

Yea that's already taken care of. Wh is in the dark about that one.

Hi SG,

I've heard some say that were able to avoid their spouses during their divorces, for the most part. Use an intermediary as often as possible, if you're in plan B. Well, it's not really plan B if there is contact, but sometimes it's unavoidable in divorce. The limited contact is so that you can heal without a wayward spouse to deal with.

As I have heard it said

"I didn't start the fight but I'm going to finish it."

Truer word have not been spoken, the WH is the one who started all this mess. Now your the one who is going to finish the fight.

As you move to plan-B, hope and pray for the best, a recovery

PLAN for the worst, if you end up in a Divorce "he with the most paper wins" or in your case "she". so journal every day, ask your lawyer what will help him win your case, then do what he says.

You have to build a war chest, that's your journal, evidence of the A, video, emails, phone records, PI reports, how much you do daily taking care of the kids and his lack there of ect. The more you can show yourself in a positive light in front of the judge the better it will be for you.

Even if he doesn't file for D, you still need to prepare, you need to work as hard on this as you did when you were trying to save the marriage. The real danger for most of us is we have put so much into saving the marriage that when we finally give up there's no fight left in us.

Thanks for the advice guys - Plan B was short lived because it was after another D Day and I didn't Plan A enough. In fact I reacted instead of acted. But I will continue to plan for the worst.

Smiley, how are you doing today? How about an update? Hope you are doing well.

I cant find my other thread. Without internet other than my cellphone, it takes awhile to get through the pages.

He hasnt filed. Just last week he got the papers to file, but he has been calling me all last week saying how confused he is, how he looks at the packet and can't get himself to fill it out. But then he says he knows he wants a D but it's hard for him...Idk. Still trying to plan A I have some setbacks. I was going to wait to plan B I thought it was bad to do it when he tells me he is at the point where he prefers to go through someone else.

I am choosing to continue the fight for my marriage.

Thanks for checking on me.

So, you wait to Plan B until you are on the last shred of love you have left for your WH. Plan B is still meant to save your marriage but it's in the context of also saving yourself from going off the deep-end when you have lost all the love in your heart, and your WH is still a wayward/foggy/selfish mess.

I don't think you want to go back and forth though, right? A wayward could get real accustom to that. Commit to your plan and map it out best you can. That he can't fill out the paperwork is either a good sign, or it's a good sign that he loves cake.

opt

I think this is the last page of your SAA thread:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2350750&page=59

(sorry I don't know how to make it look like a regular link.)

I agree with opt. That is a rough "sign" to read. While I would say it's apparent he doubts what filing will bring, it is not so apparent what exactly he's doubting.

My STBXWW has "doubted" the last 3 years. And I can finally say, it's the cake she's enjoying. Not me.

In hindsite (it's 20/20 right?), I should have Plan B'd after DDay #1. Take inventory of your LBank. If it's DANGEROUSLY low, Plan B. I know how it sounds counter-intuitive while your smack dab in the middle of things, and after Plan A. But, from the time I've been here, it seems that those who have recovered have, more often than not, Plan B'd when it seemed like the wrong time.

I am sitting here with a spouse who walked out on me and the kids one month ago. I could sit here and question myself to death, where I went wrong. It would drive me utterly insane.

But from my perspective, you have nothing to lose if you go dark plan B...IMHO you are losing him already- he's filed for D, right?

It's time to think of yourself, protect yourself- your feelings. It is very hard to sit and be hurt by your spouse who is only looking out for their needs, who's not engaged in the M.

If you decide to take him back because he is confused,you set that bar so darn high he needs to stand on the roof to reach it! Figure out what you need to feel safe in your M and hold his feet to the fire.

SG, I see you have been here a long time so you are probably aware that Plan A is not supposed to last longer than 3 to 4 weeks for a woman. Beyond that, all you are doing is enabling him and eroding your own feelings for him. You are also endangering your own mental health. Plan A was not meant to be a way of life for conflict avoiders.

What you are in is what Dr Harley would call "PLAN C", [for compromise] which is the most likely to lead to divorce.

So, if you have been in Plan A for 3 weeks, then it is time to shut er down. MOST waywards threaten to file divorce and never do it. It shouldn't be taken seriously at all. I have no idea why you are on the divorced forum unless you have decided to divorce him.