Jpdi, the advice your lawyer was giving you was NOT about saving your marriage. It is good to know your legal rights, in the case of a divorce. How many marriages has your lawyer saved? I am not bagging on your lawyer, he gave you what you paid for, legal advice in the case of a possible divorce. What we are offering you is guidance in MB techniques to help you try to save your marriage.

I don't want you to be one of those posters, who comes back here in a few months and says, "You guys were right...." What you should do NOW is follow what these people are telling you. You are LUCKY right now. You have some of the hardest hitters on MB posting on your thread. They get nothing out of it other than the knowledge that they are helping someone have a better life by combating affairs. They are soldiers in the war against adultery. Heed their warnings and take their advice.

NO ONE has ever regretted exposing. The only regrets I have seen about exposure are that they didn't do it soon enough, they didn't do it wide enough or that they didn't do it at all.

What do you want? Do you want to get a divorce and money from your WH, or would you like to try to recover your marriage, while recovering yourself and living your life with NO REGRETS about what you did to try to save your marriage? Let us know when you have decided which you would prefer.

Yup. That's why you gotta make Affairland dark and stormy, otherwise he'll stay there alllllllll day long.

I learned this the hard way. Don't follow my footsteps! You're not being mean to your hubby, you're being mean to the AFFAIR, and that affair deserves some cold-blooded nastiness!

Don't forget to eat, ok? I think I lost 20-lbs and the "affair diet" seems to be pretty common.

You'll be ok, you just kind of have to get to that point where you decide to take back control over your life and say "enough is enough". For me, it was the understanding that my kids (ages 3 and 5) were being affected by my wife and had no one to fight for them except me. Failing that task was no option for me.

Times two, don't do what I did, either. I sat around for eight months or so "hoping" my wife would see the light and quick messing around with her co-worker.

Yeah, that didn't work too well.

Listen, we have to be very straightfoward with you and make sure you understand you are in Plan Enable Affair, OK?

You have repeatedly said things like, My H had to WANT this, he has to end this himself, etc. This demonstrates that you don't REALLY understand the addictive nature of affairs because that's just not going to happen.

You need to change your mindset. Your H is the equivalent of a crack addict, he is lost and he needs your HELP.

I hope you change your mind and choose to go with Plan A! Good luck!

JodiW, we are not steering you wrong. You have got to expose his affair at work because it will not stop if you don't. Scotland is right, you will regret it if you don't or if you wait to long. The longer you wait the more entrenched he will become in his affair. In the end both you and your WH will lose. Take it from me, I regret not exposing my WH affair. Maybe if I had we would be together now. And yes, I still love my WH and he is an idiot.

Still hoping and praying.

Yep, I've lost 30 pounds since Dec. Not complaining. I feel good. Not sick or anything. I know you are right, Northwood, I guess I need to come to that point where enough is enough. It will come. Thank you again everyone.

Jodi, Dr Bill Harley, the founder of Marriage Builders, is a clinical psychologist who has saved thousands of marriages using these tactics. Here is what he says about this:

Thank you Phoenix, I can sure use the prayers right now! I know, these guys are awesome. I thank God everyday I joined this forum.

Thank you Melody. I am going to retype that and read it everyday. I have the head of HR's phone number. This may help me. Thank you!

Suzie, Thank you too. Everyone Thank You!

Jodi, we have SAVED our marriages using these tactics. We are telling you this so you can save your marriage. Your current path is headed right towards divorce.

But it would also be a huge mistake to do this half way. If you are going to do it, do it right. Don't call the HR Director. Do it the way we described so it will have an impact. Otherwise, you run a high risk of being ignored.

And DO expose the OW on facebook. Exposure is like shining the sunlight on mold. Mold does not grow well in sunlight. It will be in the OW's best interest to be exposed becasue she will not change and grow as a person unless is motivated to change. She is damned to hell because she is an adulteress; exposing her might very well change her path. Exposure is from GOD. Your path of helping wrongdoers hide their dirty secrets is straight out of hell. Don't enable wrongdoers, Jodi.

Read this thread:
LINK

This is written by one of the vets here, MarriedForever. She was in a FR (false recovery) for 10 mos because she would not expose. She finally ended the A by doing a nuclear exposure including where the OW and her WH had met, a running forum.

Just one story of many...

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. John 3:20


Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. Ephesians 5:11

AMEN!

Also, if you don't do it right and are ignored, you will be discouraged from exposing. And while there are no guarantees, if anything will work, it will be exposure.

You will get lots of support from many unexpected sources from exposing, but you can also expect to get criticism from crapwits who would rather defend adultery and see your marriage destroyed. The opinions of those people DOES NOT COUNT. You do not need or want the approval of people who would condone adultery. If someone like that calls you crazy, you should wear their disdain LIKE A BADGE OF HONOR!!

There will always be people in the world who will hate you for standing up for your principles. Our Lord Jesus Christ withstood much, much worse than that. I will NEVER sacrifice a principle for others and neither should you, Jodi. STand right before God, that is all you need, my friend.

This is a very important. The reaction of folks is somewhat beside the point.

My sister's H was VERY entrenched in his workplace PA. She did a nuclear exposure, including the letters to the workplace and OW's FB friends. There were a couple of negative responses and the workplace did not fire either her WH or OW.

But it was effective nonetheless. WH and OW denied it but knowing that everyone KNEW took all the fun out of the A. OW went from brazen and indignant to refusing to talk to her WH...

Exposure works!

kidude, Dr. H does not follow these threads. This part of his website is for peer support. You can email your post to jharley@marriagebuilders.com

Good luck! We're here if you need us!

Your wrote this:

I wrote this:


You wrote this:

So, I assume that by "wrong" you do NOT mean that EXPOSURE AT WORK goes against your ethics. Is that assumption correct?

So, are you saying ~~~> your current focus is to avoid looking bad to others?

Really? Are you sure?

And riding into this skirmish is the "Lone Contrarian" !

JodiW, I understand your decision. The question comes down to this choice, and realistically you can only expect one outcome, not some amalgam of the best of both:

EXPOSE - and have an excellent chance of ending the affair immediately, having a solid chance to recover your marriage, but, most likely having to do so in the midst of unemployment and severe financial hardship

DON'T EXPOSE - and basically acquiesce to an end to your marriage to WH, at his pleasure, but maintain a living standard before, and (thanx to the lovely world of alimony/support) after the almost inevitable divorce, consistent with that you enjoy today.

I kinda went out of my way in my last post to lead you to that hard decision-point, by making plain the likelihood of WH getting canned after exposure (which still might happen, if they're not real careful).

I fully expected you to decide as you did, because, quite simply, there was nothing in your prior postings that conveyed serious "love" (for lack of a better word) for your WH. If, as I suspected, and you ultimately came to realize, you have already in your mind, "written off" your marriage, you probably made the optimum decision for yourself.

And although I have been married about as long as you, have loved only one woman in my life, and am enjoying a delicious rennaisence of marital joy post-d-night, I know, deep-down, I would never have been able to forgive her if her EA had been a PA. As hard as it is to admit, and I've told her this already, my rigorous belief system could NOT have permitted our marriage to continue.

Do NOT feel.....bullied? berated? castigated?....by the urgings of folks here to reconsider. You'll do that if you choose to do that. In their zeal to heal and enhance every marriage, some folks fail to keep in mind that "recovery" in some cases of infidelity, is spelled "d-i-s-s-o-l-u-t-i-o-n"

I do love my WH very much. I always have. Since I was 14. I miss him terribly. That's why this decision is so difficult. I have NOT resolved to get a divorce or to put up with the A either. I haven't written off my marriage that's for sure. I'm in that can't make a decision stage I guess. Fear is holding me back from doing either. Like North said, I guess I will know when I've had enough. Then let the party begin.

Can I ask, what does EA and PA mean? I'm new at this! Sorry!