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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 220
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 220
Ughhhhhhh - what is it with men? I simply don't understand them. My H and I went to his family reunion and you could tell he didn't want to be there and took it out on ME. . . by his smart alec remarks and critiquing of everything I did. I was very nice about it and explained that it hurt my feelings, etc. etc. (I tried to chalk it up to lack of sleep, etc.).<P>Well then last evening I picked our daughter up from daycare and he mentioned that he had to work late, but he really wanted to see her before she went to sleep. I told him I had some errands to run and would call him and we could meet before I traveled home (some 30 miles away). Well I called him and he was getting gas and told me he was doing X, Y and Z afterward. I asked him if he wanted to see her and he said "well, I guess" and I said "well, that's fine - I was just remembering what you said earlier". Well he did meet us - and he acted like it was a chore! Then I told her to kiss daddy bye and she started crying and carrying on and wanted us ALL to go together! He said you can ride me with me - it's really getting too dark and I'll just go and pick up some materials, etc. I told him "only if it's what you want" I could tell he was in a mood.<P>Well - he acted like a complete jerk - rolled his eyes put his hand under his chin in exasperation like we were such a bother. Then I said "honey, I'm sorry I even called you - but I was only doing what you had asked". He said "I wanted to see her earlier - it had passed by then - I'm not going to die if I don't see her tonight!" "When you 2 are around - I can't seem to get my work done properly and you are just annoying!" Can you believe it - I said "well I'm your wife and I can't believe that I would be such a bother to you".<P>We didn't talk very much and then he left our home (after we arrived) to go take something to his mother's house and he left without kissing me or anything (which he always does). Why do you think he was so mad at me? Do you think he was with or going to see OW? Did I mess up his plans? That's the way he use to act when he was seeing her - he would just be "fit to be tied" if I would "think" I was going with him anywhere - he would make me feel so terrible so I wouldn't want to go anymore.<P>It's funny - cause he didn't end up doing anything but picking up some materials. I didn't say anything to him when he got home. It makes me feel (just like it use to) that he went and had to call OW. Then today he tells me that while he was at the daycare looking over the grounds, OW was there and asked him if he would go to her parents' home and pick up OC - seems that her mother wanted to keep OC at home for a few hours and forgot to get carseat out of OW's car! Of course he did that (at least he told me) but I guess that wasn't a kink in his day. He told me that his constant running here and there to meet me, etc. cuts into his work time. Apparently he forgot the last 2 weeks when he drove at least 3 days a week 60 miles round trip to take OC to his mother's to babysit. I wanted to say that so bad.<P>How is my behavior suppossed to be? I am so tired of this kind of behavior from him. I usually "get over it" after he starts being charming again. . . like just now he called and wants me to type 3 proposals for new jobs - and he said how much will you charge me? (joking) and I said "well, after last night - it will be pretty high!" Do you know what I mean - it's like if he doesn't need me for anything - then he can be ugly (if he's tired, etc. or whatever) but if he needs something from me - I'm suppossed to jump through hoops to please him and yet not expect anything in return. I had asked him (while on our trip) to please not give her the new Cell phone # he just got). Of course when we got back into town - I saw that she had called him on that # so obviously he gave it to her. Also - we had agreed for him to call her in my presence or at the very least to TELL me when he talks to her - and he can't keep even the simplest agreements.! Ugh - I guess I want to know what is the best method of making my point but not being B&(&*# and yet, not be a BIG FAT DOORMAT! <P>------------------<BR>

Joined: May 1999
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Joined: May 1999
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Dear Daycare,<P>I read just yesterday on a verbal abuse site about controlling behaviors. I always go back and re-read, to stay refreshed, and to help myself identify controlling behaviors.<P>If you would go to [/url]http://www.drirene.com/control.htm[url]<P>then you would see how he is using controlling behavior with body language and diminishing you with his "bagglegabbing"...<P>This site says that controlling behaviors are used to suppress fear and pain.<P>I hope this helps.<P>PS. You hang in there, you are doing an incredible wonderful plan A.<P>God Bless,<BR>TNT

Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 220
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 220
Thanks TNT! I can always count on you! I'm going to that site right now.<P>------------------<BR>


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