I guess I may not have perfectly followed through on the Plan A, I guess mainly due to the seperation and her determination to divorce. When I would talk to her, she would do nothing but bring up all the things I did wrong in our marriage. I am fully aware of those, but it just bothers me that she accepts no responsibility for anything. Having now read most of SAA, I understand this is normal.

Yes, I identified the LB's and her EN's months ago, but it has just been so difficult to try to fill the voids I created with the space and all.

I am not angry. I've never really expressed any anger towards her throughout this. She's been pretty nasty at times but I CAN NOT return evil for evil. I won't.

I will have to read up on that fog responses you mentioned. Thanks.

Also, where can this fog responses thread be found. I did a search and couldn't find it.

The reverse babble thread is gone. Determined to be a DJ.

Miss M, thanks for the thread. That was exactly what I needed. I guess I need to get good at being quick on my feet. Some of those responses were in some ways counterproductive when you consider the desired results, but maybe the point at that time is not anything other than diversion.

Also, I was reading through SAA and learned that I really didn't do a good Plan a at all when I think about the disrespectful judgments that were made. Yes, I believe what she had done and is doing is wrong, but I think I made things worse by trying to convince her of that. I am tempted to compose another letter basically apologizing for those actions and letting her know that I continue to educate myself on my many issues.

Do you guys think this would help at all? I think I may even be tempted to try plan a again. Another question is do you think it would do any good to go back after almost 3 weeks of plan b?

I would say that the time is for ACTION. SHOW her that you have changed. SHOW her that you are willing to meet ENs, after the A is over. She most likely won't let you close enough to meet those ENs now anyways.

I have bumped up the newly betrayed thread. In case you didn't get a chance to read it, or have forgotten some of it since then, give it another look.

This is precisely why I thought it was necessary to go Plan B. I haven't been able to get close enough to meet her EN's for quite a while. What can I do? How do I do it from a distance since we are seperated?

What you can do is email her once a day, every day, at the same time. Make it a light email. Don't be too clingy. I got an idea. Maybe you could make it a joke, or funny quote a day email. You could link things you know she finds funny. At first, make it something that she just reads, and is only one line or two. After a couple of weeks, make it a longer joke, then a video, etc. You have the advantage over any OM because you already know what your WW likes and doesn't like.

You could possibly add a g'night text, which would turn into phone calls in a few weeks.

What would you do if you wanted to date this person(your WW)? How would you try to get someone to want to date you when they are showing no interest? You wouldn't want to act clingy, or needy. You wouldn't want to come on too strong. That's a start.

So, what have you identified as your WW's top ENs? There may be others out there who can help you figure out what you can do from afar. Don't give up yet.

That is an awesome idea. Thanks.

marksaysay, I think Scotland's advice is a great idea. I am in plan A and find it diffucult at times but I am trying to keep sight of my goal. I wish you the strength to get throught this. I find that reading these postings is very helpful for me. Stay strong!

Here's the funny one-liner sent to the wife today. I thought it was pretty funny:

(I hope this doesn't offend anyone as it is not my intent).
If a runaway is in a wheelchair, shouldn't you call them a roll-away?

I ask that all that will, please pray for me. I'm having a very difficult time. There are so many things that I'm dealing with right now.

1. My marriage situation is obvious. Yes, I'm still in live with a woman who has been and still is committing adultery and seems to have walked away from God.

2. Our marital home (only in my name) is in foreclosure.

3. Im on the verge of losing my apartment, my car, my cell phone (the only way I have to talk to my family in Texas).

4. I'm struggling to pay the rest of my bills. Robbing from Peter to pay Paul.

5. I left the only church I've known in Indiana and I'm currently not talking to my 'big brother' and closest friend who pastor's that church.

6. Found out last night that I owe taxes instead of receiving a refund that would help catch up my bills and pay for the mediation in a few weeks.

7. A couple from my church whom I've known for about 8 years (in their 50s) just asked me to not come around much anymore because the kids (all adults) think I'm sleeping with their mom. They were my last safe haven and now I have no one.

Needless to say, all of this is just so hard. Please pray for me.

MS, I will pray for you.

Scotland, it would seem that your suggestion may have had a different affect than we had hoped. I started on Monday sending thru emails funny jokes every morning. And for the last 2 days I have sent her a goodnight text varying in time to when I decided to lay down. Today, I even had some flowers delivered to her job but I don't know if they have been delivered yet.

Well, I called her stepmother who is just appalled at my wife's actions as well as at my FIL for being supportive of his daughters wrong. She tells me that he called her inquiring as to whether she'd talked to me and what it was about. He then goes on to say that he got word that I have been stalking and harassing his daughter. That I've been sittting outside her apartment and sending her goodnight texts when her light goes off. I just had to laugh because I haven't even been on that side of town. I've actually missed class this week and the school is a 1/4 mile from her apartments. It seems that any good I try to do will always get twisted to make me look bad. Wonder how she'll twist the flowers around and make me look like a stalker. It's funny but in a way it's really sad. My wife is committing adultery and I'm evil for still wanting to be with her and for fighting for my marriage. WOW is all I can say.

Mark, firstly, you need to remember that you need to Plan A with NO EXPECTATIONS. You aren't doing the funny emails or texts to get any reaction from her. It doesn't matter that she tells her dad that she thinks you are stalking her, you know you're not. Also, although you aren't supposed to think about it, there IS an effect.

Have you been sending the email at the exact same time everyday? Is there a time of day that is important to you two? See, my WH and I started dating at 10:32pm. My WH told me that he would think about me every day, at 1032am and 1032pm. If I were in Plan A, I would make sure that I sent the message at exactly 1032.

Now, after you have done this for a few weeks, one day, you would send it a little later, and you wouldn't even mention it's lateness. Then resume the regular schedule again.

You need to find some really funny things. Who is your WWs favourite comedian? Maybe you could find some thing about quotes from them. Even a comic strip that your WW liked when she was a child. Just throwing some ideas out there.

And, about the good night texts, you could just send it everyday at the same time as well. What are you writing in those texts? Nothing too heavy right? Act like this is not your wife but someone whom you would like to date you. Someone who has shown no interest in you. Catch is, you already know what she likes and doesn't like. And lay off of the gifts for the moment.

Scotty, thanks for the reply. I wasn't really thinking about it until it was mentioned by my wife's stepmom. I guess it just bothered me. As far as the jokes and emails, I haven't sent them at an exact time but maybe i can start. I think from now on, they I will schedule them to be sent at 8:19 because we were married on 8/19.

As far as the goodnight texts, they have been one word text saying simply "goodnight". What else might you suggest I put in there?

The flowers may have been a little much at this point but the card simply read "A little something to brighten up your office and your day - Mark". That was it.

Time may be running out but I feel good about going out this way, if I must. One thing she will never be able to tell a person is that I never loved her. If I can love her in spite of all that she's done, I'm either crazy or it's really love. Or maybe the funny feelings I in my gut that I still get is nothing but gas. LOL

OHHHHHHH LOVE LOVE LOVE the 8:19 idea. That is GOLD.

See, I see nothing wrong with the g'night text. I wouldn't worry about it.

Even the card for the flowers wasn't that bad so it seems to be mostly WW fog babble.

Have you read everything on this site? Do you remember reading about the river and how everything you do during Plan B is like a pebble being thrown into the river? You can't see them, but they are under there. Then, eventually, there are enough pebbles that they break the surface. All you're doing is throwing pebbles. Plunk, Plunk.

Also, I remember being told that you are trying to win the war, not every fight. Stay strong, take care of yourself and Plan A your butt off. This way, you will look back and KNOW that you did everything you could and you are a better person because of it. Just remember that Plan A has both the carrot AND the stick. No doormats on my watch.

I can't say that i've read everything on the site but I've read quite a bit of it. I know that most of what she says can be taken with a grain of salt, and after I thought about her statements I realized that if she was bothered by any of it, she could have replied by telling me to stop. But she didn't. So she must actually like them.

Meh, doesn't matter if she does or doesn't. You are doing them because it's what you WANT to do. It's what you would continue to do in a marriage without an A. It's what you would do for your WIFE.

BTW, I just noticed your siggy. It still says you are in Plan B. If a newb came on here, they would be seriously confused as to why I would be giving you this advice while in Plan B, could you update it?

Sure will. Thanks.

I tell you, it really makes me laugh just looking for the next joke to send to her. I'm cracking up at some of these now.