Well, I'll be picking up daughter for my 3+ days with her in just a few minutes. I plan on telling her the truth today. I've been thinking about this all day and I think I have gotten good advise on how to talk to her. Thanks everyone for all the help.

That is great, Mark. It really is the best thing for her.

Just had the talk. I told her about the affair. She asked what it was and I told her that it meant that mommy gave love to someone else when she was only supposed to give her love to daddy. I told her that mommy and daddy both still love her and that we both made mistakes. I told her that we just have to fix our mistakes. I asked if she had any questions, she said no.

Its such a hard thing to do. Especially trying to explain WHY adultery is immoral. At least now she will understand that the OM is her enemy if she ever meets him. You did the right thing.

I agree 100%.

My sons are 8 and 10. They were 6 and 9 when I exposed to them. They didn't completely get it at first, but they do now. They have come up with their own name for OW. They call her, "Evil Princess BEEP." I don't tell them anything but the truth about WH and OW. They have come to their own conclusions as to what OW has meant to their family.

It's important to teach your children the difference between right and wrong. Affairs or definitely on the side of wrong. Good job

I will say that I have somewhat mixed feelings about having told our daughter. On one hand I have a sense of relief. On the other hand I feel somewhat regretful. Is this normal? I do believe that I did the right thing though...

I dunno if it's normal. Why would you feel badly about telling your child the truth? Do you make it a habit of lying to her? I would guess not. Why lie to her now? Do you feel badly because you feel like you have hurt her with this info? Or is it your WW's feelings that you are worried about? Just curious. I would be able to help advise if it is normal or not.

I think the regret may come from wondering how WW would react to find out that daughter knows. I don't really feel bad about telling the truth.

That seems to be the norm for the BH's lately, but I don't understand why. What do you think is going to happen when she finds out? What could she possibly do that is worse than what she has already done?

I guess there isn't much that could be worse than what she has already done. If I had time, I could compile a humongous list of things she has done and said to me during this process. Some of it has been listed and discussed as fog babble and some has not. It's funny. I was talking to our pastor yesterday and mentioned that she'd told me that I didn't know what love was. I rattled of a list of things and told him that I still wanted to be her husband in spite of it. He just said, "I wonder what her definition of love is?"

I know, right. There are things that WSs do to BSs that others say they wouldn't forgive. Sometimes, we ourselves say that we won't forgive either, until it happens to us.

I was just trying to help you get over the thoughts of guilt for telling your DD. You did the right thing. Always be sure of that. Exposing to your DD was the right thing to do and not something that should ever be regretted.

You feel guilty telling her because you told her something which explained why her life is changed and is tenuous. Life isn't sure and true anymore and that is a sad thing for the whole family.
You didn't make it true by telling her about it. You didn't destroy the safety and security of her life. You just explained it. That the reason it was a mess was infidelity. And, you are not the cause of the situation. You are just the person who respects your child as a person enough to be honest with her.
yk?

You told the truth, never doubt yourself this was and is the correct step to take, the next is if your wife contacts you , you need to be consistent with your words, adultery is adultery there is no other way to describe it.

On a side note, this forum unlike the other gives you a path to follow that is solid and consistent, we are here to help you not distract you with wave after wave of debate and indecision.

You know, as I sit and think about all that has gone on throughout this whole process, I've learned a lot. I've learned that I made a lot of mistakes throughout my marriage. I learned that my past really had a lot more impact on shaping me that I wanted to believe. I've learned that I'm much stronger than I thought I could ever imagined. I've learned so much.

I obviously have fought extremely hard to keep my family together. A lot of that is based on my biblical beliefs that God intended for marriage to be a lifelong commitment. An obvious reason is the fact that WE both knew nothing about how to sustain a marriage and my education alone can change that. I've fought because I know that my daughter will be negatively affected at some point and in some way, whether sooner or later. I've fought because my wife and I both come from families where divorce is the norm rather than the exception and I wanted to break the cycle. I've fought because I want to teach my daughter that marriage can be difficult but "for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, til death do you part" are not just something that you say but something that you mean.

It would seem that my fight may eventually come up short, but I can't say that I didn't and haven't tried all that I can. My name, Mark, does mean "mighty warrior". I don't know if at this point I have decided to throw in the towel, but I think I'm getting really close.

My motives have been pure, I believe, and my love for my wife still remains. I have had the best intentions throughout it all, but I guess in every battle, someone has to win and lose. It seems that I may be losing the family that I've always wanted as well as the wife I always wanted (although she is a shell of that person now). I believe that she will be the one who has lost when all is said and done. I feel I've already won. I've won a path to a better life ahead based on the lessons i've learned. Such hard lessons they have been, but in the end, they will serve to have been some necessary lessons as I create the future I know I'm capable of having.

Wow. While I have enjoyed today, it has been somewhat melancholy. I live 3 states away from my nearest family and I am literally flat broke ($12 in account with a week to go before payday). Daughter spent Easter with me today and I had no family to go and hang out with. I had no money to really take her out to eat. We spent most of the day after church just watching movies and playing some games at my apartment. She got bored and kept asking to go and play with friends but they were all with their families. She talked about wanting to watch tv shows she likes (I can't afford cable). She talked about not having an egg hunt which we used to do at our marital home.

I just wish things were just not this way. I later took her to the park and mcdonalds playland so she could play but I had to use part of that $12 for gas. I'm not depressed or anything but I do wish her mother would stop thinking about herself and wakeup.

Some of the best memories I had growing up were the ones that didn't cost a lot of money. Could you think of new traditions you can make with just the two of you? Picnic in the park? Build a puzzle. Brainstorm some things and think about things that your DD would like to do. What kind of memories do you want to leave her with when she is older? I remember a lot of things that my dad did with me growing up. I have even tried to pass down some. Make memories. Now is your only chance.


How are you relieving the stress that Plan A causes? Are you all prepared for Plan B?

I guess we did really have an enjoyable time. Some of the frustration was probably more because I didn't get a chance to be with any family. When you're in a place where you don't have many friends and no family, it can get tough, especially around the holidays.

As far as the Plan A, I don't really know where I am now. I do believe that I didn't do a good Plan A when I did it initially. I do believe that I probably did move to Plan B too soon when I did. I also tend to believe that only an act of God can turn things around.

I found out that she felt "threatened" by the sudden emailed jokes that I had sent as well as the simple "Goodnight" texts and she went to the court to have our provisional agreement modified to indicate no texts or emails. She is, it seems, way too far gone for anything that I try to do to make any type of impact.

I think I may be in Plan C now, concede. I just don't know any more.

marksaysay - I'm sorry to hear about your Easter. I can only offer you my support. There are better days ahead!

Sorry. I didn't mean to make things more difficult for you with the texts and emails.

What have you been doing in regards to Plan A? What kind of contact do you have with your WW? How do the drop offs and pickups happen? Where do you have chances to Plan A?

There are so many people here rooting for you and standing behind you. Remember, you are trying to win the war, not ever battle.

Take care.

Scotland, I don't blame you by any means. She is just too blinded by the "fog" and it is only amplified by her family pretty much supporting her actions. I actually thought it was a great idea. You're not the blame. I had the option of not doing it, but I did so that's on me.

I really don't have a lot of opportunity to Plan A. I pick daughter up from after school program on my the Friday's that I have the weekends with her and take her to school on Monday. On the Sundays, I just pick her up from family friend's house due to my premature implementation of Plan B. Other than that, there is no contact. I left the church we'd attended for the last 11 yrs, although it was not solely because she was there.

At this point, I think that the divorce is inevitable. I do know that you can still stop a divorce up until the time the judge signs the decree, so it's not over yet, but I don't think I should be holding my breathe. Both parties have to sign the document stating they want to end the divorce proceedings and right now we are one willing party short.

I messed up a lot of things at the beginning of this whole process due to my lack of education. I didn't find out about some of the resources such as MB or the books like SAA or HNHN until well into this process. If there is anything that can be done, God himself will have to do it. That may not be such a bad thing though, because HE is definitely able to do it. My only question would be is if it is will do intervene. It would seem that I just need to accept that it's over and move on.

I've fought long and hard, maybe not so well, but I've tried to do all I could. Unless there are some other suggestions, i don't see a need to do much else but pray for strength to accept whatever God sees fit to do.