Weve been through hell and back. Porn, lying, emotional affair, affair, loss of twins, her pregnant with other mans baby, separated, more affairs while separated, back together, her back with other man, delivered baby with her, kicked out because of lack of REAL CHANGE, she went back to him again, i had one more affair, few now were divorced.

And were pretty good friends. For the last 7 months we talk daily, hang out several times a week, txt, take kids places, movies, dinner and we help each other out, have slumber parties with the kids. When we tried to work it out while she was pregnant and still attached to the OM we spent a lot of time with DR Harley. He gave her instructions on REAL CHANGE

I never achieved real change in her eyes. I never grasped what she means. I love my wife. Since were Catholic ill call her that. But i want to be in love with her so badly. I always have. I understand why porn and affairs happen. I understand my weaknesses. But i fail to create conditions where she feels safe, protected and loved.

How do i change myself to have real change? I am struggling protecting my mind from numbing pain with porn and other women. I struggle, i don't engage. But isnt real change a "change in mind set" i dont care about porn, i don't care about other women meeting my needs.

Im so lost here. Daily i struggle to hold on to hope, but i know its there. I know i can do it and i know i can change.

I hope some of you can share your growing pains.

Welcome to MB. The quoted statement sounds to me like the dictionary definition of addiction - sex addiction. You may want to look up a place called "recovery nation" - Google it and you'll find the site.

If you have an addiction problem, and many people do, you will never achieve "real change" until you deal with the addiction. You can check recovery nation and you can keep posting here - many of us have to deal with SA (sex addict) spouses.

Let us know how it's going.

When the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change, you will change.

I second the motion to determine if you have an addiction. Regardless, Recovery Nation had some great coping mechanisms for handling issues such as yours. I haven't been able to get to their link in some time, so I hope you can.

The issues you have shared are only symptoms of a different problem. See if you can figure that out and let go of it.

hi i feel like this with my husband...we have been through so much for the past 17 years...sickness, drug addiction, lust, etc...physical, emotional, verbal abuse...it came to where i filed for divorce...now he is making changes for the better...

do i give him another chance? i am afraid he will go back to being the same person after awhile...

You can't know for sure what will happen today, tomorrow or next week.

What you and he can do is to put enough EP (extrordinary precautions) in place now to help prevent return to old behaviors.

God Bless!