Dr Harley tells a man in your exact situation that he is an enabler and that if he had exposed at the workplace he might have saved his marriage [this man sat on his dead [censored] too until his wife filed for divorce and was leaving him for the OM - THAT IS YOUR FUTURE] RADIO CLIP HERE

I apologize in advance for my harshness. I am very frustrated by the lack of action in your situation when I know that it could make an amazing difference. Your wife is extremely brazen and flagrant with her affair and that is your fault, Sir. She has been able to get away with amazingly brazen and cruel behavior with no objection on your part. Enablers and conflict avoiders don't make it, period, and you are headed right towards divorce with your current plan of non action. I am on your side and only want to see you save your marriage.

1. weolm, you don't wallow with her. Of course it's crap, but she's so fuzzy right now that she won't hear a word you say except "crap" and that'll just give her one more negative thought about you. ("I was trying to tell him my feelings, and he just said I was full of crap!!! Wwwaaaahhhh!!! ) Now, you don't have to sit and suffer through this garbage, either. Just change the subject. "I'm sorry you feel that way, dear - would you like to go out to dinner for pizza tonight?"

2. Nope. You don't kick her out, and she doesn't kick you out. You both live there. You go about your normal business, remembering to make your home a warm, inviting place.

3. You can't keep the kids from her and vice versa, unless you think they are in danger when they are with her. I don't see any signs of that. Do you?

4. If you wait until it's economically convenient, you will more than likely lose your marriage. I am amazed, truly, that you would even entertain this notion. Think about it: how are you going to keep the house when she divorces you?

OK, I'm going to do the workplace exposure. What do I have to lose if we get a D, they will find out sooner or later anyway. Might as well be now. I can tap into a 401K for funds, I'd have to give up half of it anyway.

Would you recommend that WWs parents be here when she finds out? They are behind me 100%. I don't want to find myself in a false DV dispute when she returns home. This is what the OMW did to the OM. I do have a voice recording where I said that I have never laid a finger on her in my life, which is 100% accurate. I can't recall if she gave a verbal or non-verbal acknowledgment. Will run through it tonight.

weolm, please take a look at the MB thread below. It's called "The Fantasy of Divorce" and I guarantee you, your WW thinks you're going to have something like this once she leaves and files.

It will help you if you read the thread and then immediately shut down your WW's notions of having this sort of arrangement. Make sure she knows that if you end up divorcing, she will be dead to you, she will not be your "friend" and there will be no more family gatherings of any kind. She'll be able to see the kids, of course, but never again will the two of you be present when the kids are there. That's for families and divorced people are NOT a family.

It's another bucket of ice-cold water you can use to break through some of the fog and entitlement.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2279757&page=1

Haven't read the thread yet but will do so tonight. She has already said most of the ideas you mention. She also said she has a friend that had a divorce and they got back together a few years later. Probably mentioned this so she could have me waiting in the wings when her A breaks up. I did tell her that wasn't for me, but not as emphatically as you outline above.

So, no response to any of my posts?

Look a couple of posts up. Your posts have motivated me to act now. I'm in the process of compiling the FB list and will mail letters on Monday. Some of the FB list includes coworkers, so they will find out sooner than HR or the Execs. I'm getting ready for all hell to break loose tonight. I'm pretty sure they are together tonight because WW usually calls to talk to the kids at dinner and bedtime. Tonight she called in between to tell me she wanted to say goodnight now. I said they wouldn't be going to bed for another hour or so and we could call her at that time and she declined. This is out of character for WW. She also seemed depressed when talking earlier today; she has been having dizzy spells off and on. Her voice was much perkier when talking this evening. Then at the end of the conversation, I asked if she was feeling any better and her voice went back to a different tone.

ok, good. Are you exposing to BOTH their facebook friends? Have you copied and pasted both of their lists into WORD docs?

And what about the phone call to the OMW? What about the OM's parents? Do you see their names on the OM's list?

When will you be calling her parents and sibs?

Let's talk here, because you need to be very thorough about this.

OM deleted his FB account when OMW exposed to me. I saw it for one day and it was gone the next.

I have WW FB copied and saved. Updated my profile pic to include WW, the kids, and me.

No access to OM's family. I can see the same last name on OMW's FB account, but they are all either sibs or extended family, no parents.

I haven't talked to OMW in about two weeks. She knows what has been going on, in fact, she exposed it to me. Is there something I need to let her know now?

I tried to talk to my SIL tonight but she is out to dinner at the place she was married of all places. I told her that it could wait until tomorrow. I can call my inlaws tonight, do you think I should tell them what I am about to do or wait until it is done?

I would sign up under another name and see if you can see him. He might have blocked you.


Of course. Call and let her know they are together tonight. Ask her for the contact information for the OM's parents and family members so you can call them in the morning. In the morning call them up and tell them about the affair. Ask them to use their influence to persuade the OM to leave your wife alone.


Ask your inlaws to call your WW TONIGHT and use their influence to persuade her to end her affair. Don't tell them what you are doing.

What about your parents? Have you told them yet?

But can't you see the OM's parents and family from those family members pages? If you can't get the OM's parents from those pages or from the OMW, then send all of the OM's sibs and extended family the facebook exposure letter and ask them to contact the OM's parents and have them CALL YOU ASAP.

Yes, I've told my parents.

Inlaws have attempted to persuade her on multiple occasions. These persuasions have been calm and cool from WWs father and ballistic from WWs mother. Will continue to press them to call her. Now I will ask that they call WW every day.

I'm not 100% sure they are together tonight, most likely, but I have no proof. Remember, OM lives about 6 hours away.

I accept your apology.

Maybe your wife is in her hotel room reading her bible and playing solitaire? C'mon, lets get real here. If you have any doubts about what she is doing, how about driving there?

Did you call the OMW yet?

shaddup, Pep!

Couldn't get in touch with OMW. I think I found his parents via google. Will call in the morning.

Weolm, you've gotten all the advice you need already but you know why she "declined" getting her children to call her back, right?

Sorry, bud, but you've got to be on the phone with every damn person you know begging them to call your WW right now telling her to get her [censored] home.

Good job on moving on the exposure, by the way. It may be nice to have a member of her family at your home that day in case she trumps up a domestic violence charge.

Oh, and next time she calls to say goodnight, don't answer the phone. If she wants to say goodnight to your children, tell her to effing do it in person.

Earlier you asked about whether to call OM. Uh, yeah, call him right now. When he won't answer, leave him a message telling him who you are and that he is going to leave your wife alone, that this affair is over and he's pissed off every single member of her family. They will never accept him and he seriously doesn't need this kind of crap in his life. Tell him that he's going to back the hell off right now, because he doesn't stand a chance against all of you [emphasis on the plural]. Then hang up.

You can get this back on track. Having your wife's family on board is a huge plus. Mine were/are like that as well, couldn't have made it through all this without them.

Call your wife and OM right now. Leave him a message, and then leave her one saying (name a child) woke up from a nightmare wanting to talk to his mommy, but guess she was too busy to answer. If she does answer, tell her to put OM on the phone, you've got something you want to tell him. When she stumbles, just tell her to quit lying and hang up.

I doubt WW is in a hotel room. OP stated that OM convinced his boss to let him get an apartment in their city; that is more likely where WW is.

A quick check of the credit card statements could see if she's even going through the motions of getting a hotel room.

Yeah, kind of doubt his wife is smart enough to even think of that.