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Do not tell H that his family knows. Let them tell him. Otherwise he will have time to think about a spin to his side of the story to try to win their support for himself.
Just tell his family and THEY will call him and say "Wife told us you are cheating on her......etc).
In your conversation and correspondence with each, tell them you love your H and are doing your best to save the marriage. No, I know his family, they will not confront my H. They are afraid he will avoid seeing them. I did tell his parents a few months ago and they decided to stay out of it, pretending they did not know. but I know my H will feel shameful that his family knows about this A. Thats ok. WE understand that some parents don't give a CRAP about their kids and don't want to get involved. Shame on them!! But yes you should tell him they know.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Spread the news, do so efficiently and quickly, the more you delay the more difficult it is for you. If she has a Facebook page and you can see her list of friends, use WH logon if you have to, send out a message to as many of her family and friends as you can , if you need words ask and a template will be provided.
Last edited by Xau; 04/17/11 01:16 PM.
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MedolyLane, I hear you. H never wanted to leave, I kicked him out. He wanted to date me during our separation and I tried but it was too painful so I stopped.
He now blames me for not trying to reconnect with him. OW is an addiction to him and I know he himself can't stop.
Once knowing about me and baby, OW will ask him to divorce me to be with her - I think.
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Spread the news, do so efficiently and quickly, the more you delay the more difficult it is for you. If she has a Facebook page and you can see her list of friends, use WH logon if you have to, send out a message to as many of her family and friends as you can , if you need words ask and a template will be provided. Yes, she has facebook and is very active. how to use WH logon? further info please.
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Do remember if you tell all her friends and family that she is commuting adultery your husband becomes less welcome in her circle, doing nothing gives her the chance of tightening her grip on him. Make his and her life extremely uncomfortable. Once exposed you carry on with the rest of plan A.
Last edited by Xau; 04/17/11 01:31 PM. Reason: iPhone auto change errors
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Xau, I can't see their email addresses - please explain on the WHlogon.....
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If you cannot see her friends and family details you need a way to get to the account, it is likley your WH is listed as her friend. Do you have his password on Facebook ? Once in you copy the friends details in to a word doc thereafter you use your own accoutrements to send out the exposure messages.
BTW it is not their mail addresses you are after , you will be using Facebook messaging to send the exposure note.
Last edited by Xau; 04/17/11 01:29 PM.
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Spread the news, do so efficiently and quickly, the more you delay the more difficult it is for you. If she has a Facebook page and you can see her list of friends, use WH logon if you have to, send out a message to as many of her family and friends as you can , if you need words ask and a template will be provided. Yes, she has facebook and is very active. how to use WH logon? further info please. Copy and paste all her facebook friend's names into a WORD doc for safekeeping. Look through them and identify her parents, sibs and other relatives. The way you expose on facebook is to send those people private messages. That is much more effective than posting on a fb wall where it will be missed. See if you can find her parents and her own home address from the names you find there. If so, then I would drive to her home and tell her. If you can't find the address then send the OW a message telling her about your marriage and ask her to call you ASAP.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Xau, I can't see their email addresses - please explain on the WHlogon..... You don't need their email addresses to send them a private message on facebook, all you need is the NAME. You can then go to their facebook page and select "send message" and then send them a message. Before you do any of that, change your facebook picture to one of you and your husband. Put MARRIED on your status and post several pics of your baby and you and your H. OPEN up your facebook wall so people can see your baby pictures.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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To cover yourself if you click on the friend copy the browser link that takes you to the friends page and record it in word, that way you will always get back to the correct friends page
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I'm drafting an email to OW and her friends. Help!
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I know for sure that after exposure, he will be mad and might not come for the baby. Further advice please!
I'm reading re. carrot/stick. If he's going to be like that, then it will be better for the baby to be with you full time. My mother was a mess and I was lucky enough to ultimately end up with my father full time. Nevertheless there were plenty of do-gooding meddlers who constantly thought I should be encouraged to try to spend time with my mother, or wanted to "comfort" me by telling me my mother still loved me (even though all she loved was herself and her affair partner). Such "help" isn't help at all for a child in such a situation. It's your husband's responsibility to try to be a good father for his child if he wants. You can't do it for him. If he doesn't do it, you can never make it happen; you can only drive yourself crazy trying, which certainly isn't any good for your child
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Spread the news, do so efficiently and quickly, the more you delay the more difficult it is for you. If she has a Facebook page and you can see her list of friends, use WH logon if you have to, send out a message to as many of her family and friends as you can , if you need words ask and a template will be provided. I'm drafting the email to OW and her family. Pls send me the template!!!!
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Try this :- Dear friend of XXXX,(full name of OW)
It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends and family should know that XXX is having an affair with my husband, (your husbands first and last name) . They started the affair in ZZZZ.
As you may know XXX and has taken advantage of my husband to impose herself into our marriage.
I am asking you to use your influence with XXXX to persuade her to leave my family alone.
I believe that you should know this, so you can protect your marriages from her. My husband and I have X small daughters/sons and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.
XXX has intentionally chosen to commit adultery with my husband and is purposefully working to destroy our family and marriage.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.
I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-yyy-zzz
Thank you
your name Adapt the words that you send to her parents Change your profile picture to one that clearly shows you and your spouse and your children if possible. Some of these strangers that you send a message to will click on your profile. They should see a happy couple/family. They might even recognize your WS and if he/she has been introduced to this person under false pretences, this will increase the impact of the exposure. Affairees don't just lie to their BS's, but they often lie to other people as well. If they see that children are being affect, it will have an equally powerful effect. Make sure the picture is recent enough that your spouse is recognizable by a casual aquaintance.
Remember, when you are writing to strangers, their initial gut reaction is going to be "who the he** is this?" The message has to be very polite and adhere to the basic facts. Let them verify your story on your profile page and do any further investigating on their own (which will stir up even more exposure).
Oh and one more thing - send all your messages at the same time. Not one message sent to everybody (only put one addressee in the "To" box), but go one by one by one until you are finished. You should also write down these people's names somewhere. The instant that the OP hears about what you have done, they will block you and you will no longer have access to their friends list. Leave 60 seconds between each message or facebook will block your sending
Last edited by Xau; 04/17/11 02:51 PM.
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Thanks soooo much Xau.
I'm trying to copy OW's facebook friends. Is there any quick way to do so?
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Alas not it takes time, send a friend of yours a message so you know and understand the process. To cover yourself if you click on the friend copy the browser link that takes you to the friends page and record it in word, that way you will always get back to the correct friends page If in doubt ask!
Last edited by Xau; 04/17/11 03:20 PM. Reason: Not used to using Iphone .lol
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I'm working on it. thanks so much.
Now I'm getting ready to face his rage.... any tips?
He's coming with my baby.
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Do not tell him you are exposing to her friends, if you have told his family by all means let him know as and when you are ready. I suggest after you have completed the exposure to her family
When he does find out and vents his anger at you smile, a comment you may find on the forum is "offer him a cookie". Push back and say he should be proud he is an adulterer and everyone else can share in his proud moment. Learn to babble back.
If you have a VAR (voice activated recording) have it ready, he may choose to say things that will compromise himself later on. If you do not have one, make the time over the next few days and go to Walmart and buy one.
Last edited by Xau; 04/17/11 03:46 PM.
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I've emailed OW, her family members (that I found on facebook). He is at his parents with my baby right now. OW must have contacted him about my email.
So anxious.... he's coming sooooon!
Tips on how to handle his rage - HELP!!!
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Keep calm, have you exposed this to her friends, far and wide? If not carry on sending the messages out, do not be intimidated by him.
Last edited by Xau; 04/17/11 03:48 PM.
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