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He cannot threaten you all you are doing is telling the truth , trust in yourself.
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she has almost 800 contacts.... am sending now...
What should I say to him when he confronts about the email?
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Do not be pressurized to answer him , he will want to know who you are mailing, do not tell him.
Smile, if he pushes ask him to leave. Be very calm, you are in control now NOT HIM .
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He may ask you about the content , say something like " I am sure your adulterous mistress can tell you'" and go make some coffee. If he gets very persistent and you feel you are under undue pressure , call the cops. He can do absolutely nothing as you have only told the truth.
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Keep it together Madison , it will be tough but you will be OK.
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Read this, which was written by a FWH: I was furious when my wife exposed my A. The A continued even after exposure.... And I even tried to spin the exposure to make it look like my wife was just being vengeful. (that spin backfired... most of the people really weren't as stupid as I thought)
The exposure had a huge impact on the A. Not IMMEDIATE, but it was HUGE!
Never be afraid of the truth. He is counting on your own embarassment about his A to keep you in line.
Your H is gone right now!
He's been replaced with an identical look alike. This look alike has no common sense, no rational thought, and cares about no one except himself. This look alike is in effect... BRAIN DEAD!
Exposure is like an IV line that will help send vital nutrients back in to his system. His system needs some reality because he is OD'ing on fantasy. His system needs some reality because he is under the impression that his actions only affect him.
Exposure, carried out swiftly and correctly, will also allow you to regain the dignity that his choices have been trying to steal from you.
The idea that exposure will push a spouse away IMO is a lie that that is peddled by those that have allowed that dignity to stripped away.
Hang in there and remember, YOU have the high ground. Have confidence in yourself! He is the equivalent of a crackhead, high off of his affair and dangerously close to losing his family while making the biggest mistake of his life. YOU are the one who is trying to help him find his way back. If he is freaking out, be a broken record. "This A has no future and I am doing what I need to to save our M." If things are escalating and you must, pack up the baby and leave. Be strong and have faith in what you are doing. Hang in there!
Last edited by SusieQ; 04/17/11 04:18 PM.
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Please also be aware that he will try everything he can to detraact you from your mission - to tell everyone about the affair.
So he will say things like, "I was willing to try but you have ruined everything!" or "If you contact one more person I am filing for D!"
He will act the same as a crackhead whose crackpipe is being snatched from his hand.
Be calm, ignore him and stick to the plan.
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Thanks soooo much Xau.
I'm trying to copy OW's facebook friends. Is there any quick way to do so? Yes, click on the "friends" list and when the box opens up, select the first friend, hold the key down and scroll all the way down until they are all selected. Then select "copy." Paste them all into a WORD doc and save the doc.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks so much for your support and help.
Updates: OW told him after he'd left - he texted me that he would never forgive me. Knowing him, I know he will think of stuff to punish me or make my life more miserable... and ow and he don't know about the facebook messages yet.
Anyway, any guidelines on what for me to do next? Anywhere on this website or tips? Sorry, everything happened so fast that I didn't read the recommended info very closely.
The plan... help!
Thanks for your support.
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Thanks so much for your support and help.
Updates: OW told him after he'd left - he texted me that he would never forgive me. Knowing him, I know he will think of stuff to punish me or make my life more miserable... and ow and he don't know about the facebook messages yet.
Anyway, any guidelines on what for me to do next? Anywhere on this website or tips? Sorry, everything happened so fast that I didn't read the recommended info very closely.
The plan... help!
Thanks for your support. That is great!! Did you also notify the OW's mother and sisters? If not, I would get that done. In the meantime, start reading up on Plan B and make plans to go completely dark. Good job!! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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p.s. do you have OW's phone #? I might be a good idea to give her a personal phone call and tell her she needs to leave your husband alone. Tell her that there is no future with her affair because she will be eternally hated by the inlaws and by your daughter. Tell her that if this ever goes to divorce - AND MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS THERE HAS BEEN NO TALK OF DIVORCE - that you will have her subpoenaed before the judge to give testimony about her adultery. She will have to give sworn testimony about her affair with a married man.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes, private messages to her mother and 4-5 siblings, and lots of friends and relatives.
I've talked to his parents again and they said I need to do what I need to do to save my M. Doesn't mean they will talk to him but I will tell H tomorrow (by email) that now his parents know.
This might break the A (by OW) but my H wo't come back.... not any time soon. He will think of revenge....
I will read info on plan B again and will definitely ask for more advice. Please stay with my post.
Have a good night!
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Just want to add my two cents here. Please do not let him take your baby until you have visitation established through the court. Ii know this sounds harsh, but as baby's parent he has as much right to keep baby as you do. He literally could keep baby in his care, with you having visits, until the court establishes visitation.
This is why it's very important to have an intermediary in place. It will help you do a dark plan b and keep him from pulling any shenanigans. Since baby is only 1 year old, you can have your intermediary be at your place when he visits baby. that way, you don't have to deal with contact with him.
In the meantime, connect with a good attorney who will help you with your rights.
I don't think it's a matter of him needing to be a KISA (knight in shining armor). He wants to cake eat instead.
Live, love, and laugh because the best is yet to come!
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No, I do't have her phone # but perhaps another email?
I think my H won't come tomorrow or the next few days. He'll try to handle Ow first... until he misses our daughter too much or plans to do something to me... not sure any more.
It's so interesting that I've known this man for over 5 years but now I realized I do'nt know him.
I will read on plan B now.
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Since baby is only 1 year old, you can have your intermediary be at your place when he visits baby. that way, you don't have to deal with contact with him. This is excellent advice to not let him take the child. Visitations should be arranged away from her home, though. He should not be allowed in her home after she goes into Plan B.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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This might break the A (by OW) but my H wo't come back.... not any time soon. He will think of revenge.... But you won't know about his "revenge" if you are in Plan B! And you don't want him back as long as he is in affair. Trust me!! I will read info on plan B again and will definitely ask for more advice. Please stay with my post. Good girl! You did a super job today! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OW told him after he'd left - he texted me that he would never forgive me. Madison, that's what they all say when exposure starts. You need to stay strong and keep going.
Me: BS 51
Himself: WH 53, EA/PA w/ RunnerSlut his "running buddy."
Buncha' kids. The two youngest are still minors.
Separated: 08/13/09 after 25 years of marriage
Plan D: Filed 11/13/09 Final 3/30/11
MC told me that he probably has a personality disorder
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No, his current place is not comfortable for our baby and he knows I'd do a better job (also he wants the freedom to be with ow)... so he wo'nt fight over this.
I will check about an intermediary and a lawyer.
Oh, my head is spinning....
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No, I do't have her phone # but perhaps another email? How about emailing her and asking her to call you? I think my H won't come tomorrow or the next few days. He'll try to handle Ow first... until he misses our daughter too much or plans to do something to me... not sure any more. I would plan on going into Plan B tomorrow or the next day then. Read up, get your ducks in a row and then send him a Plan B letter telling him not to contact you until he ends his affair and commits to the marriage. You will send a copy to the OW too. Find an intermediary who will agree to be a neutral party who will pass on only PERTINENT MESSAGES about child visitation and finances. Do his parents live close? If so, then you could arrange visitation through them. They could pick up your child and take her to their house so your H could see her. Would they be willing to help out in that regard?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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As she had 800 friends on facebook I suggest send the message to at least 50. Normally you do this once off then move on, however with the pace of happenings yesterday you may not have got enough messages out to make her life uncomfortable. As suggested carry on trying to contact her parents.
You did well, stay on course, think through your next steps and create a plan to work to, if you decide to go to plan B and require a template letter or ideas one can be posted. Stay strong.
Last edited by Xau; 04/18/11 01:35 AM.
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