Okay, all those people who knew me when.

I've been dating this man since the end of October. I like him. I find him fun and intersting and easy to talk to.

But, he's 2 hours away, and his life is complicated. Not as in wife complicated. But he's a lawyer and he's got crazy clients, as in Crazy Client 31. I've given them numbers. In the past, he had a government job that he won't talk much about. Then, he was in a bad accident and now gets siezures occassionally. But he doestn't have health insurance and probably isn't getting the treatment he should.

So in other words, there are plenty of reasons to run away. On the other hand, his story hangs together and he's never asked me for a dime. In other words, he's not a con man. Also, he makes very little demands on my time. Probably because he has so little time to give. And, I don't have to deal with really being involved in a relationship because it's only a quasi relationship.

Any input you all can give would be nice.

I don't know that I want a real, serious relationship again. I often think I do, but then I think of when I die and I think of Mike. I'm not sure I want someone else to come in between us.

And don't go feeling bad for D. He's talking about possibly moving out of the country. Someone who is serious does not move to another nation.

Do you like him, or the fact that he does not make demands on you? What do you like about him?

There is nothing wrong with being involved in a semi-relationship if you are not ready or interested in a serious one, as long as both people are in that same renter/freeloader mode .

AGG

Oh, I do like him, AGG. That's the problem. It's really easy to stop dating someone who you don't really like. This one I like, and possibly could like a lot. I just think the timing is all wrong.

What I like about him is he's funny and intersting and can be very supportive. He's loyal and giving. He likes to help people. And there's good chemistry.

On the down side, it's now gotten to the point where we only see each other about every four weeks. One of the points of dating is to have someone enjoyable to spend free time with.

GG,
It doesn't sound like he's in a ready state to be exclusive, that in itself is a commitment, and as you say, the time isn't right...at least right now. So continue to see others and enjoy the times you do have with him. You can't put your life on hold for someone that has all this other stuff going on. Maybe at some point in the future things will change, but don't hope or wait for it, just continue enjoying life and other people as well.

As for not wanting to get too involved with someone because you don't want them coming between you and Mike...that will never happen. Whatever develops between you and someone else will never affect what you and Mike had, nothing will destroy the specialness of your love. I know, I've been there. I don't believe a relationship could ever hold a candle to what George and I had, it was just that special, we were soul mates...I know some of you don't believe in that, I don't think I did either until I had it, but we connected on every level and were so perfect for each other. But that doesn't mean there can't be someone special you can enjoy life with and love for who they are, and who knows, maybe there is another person out there that could be just as special in their own way...we can't know unless we try. Me, I'm not ready to, but you are ready to enjoy whatever comes, just don't go in too fast that you get blinded...that's the mistake I'm good at.

I think you are trying to walk a tightrope here, GG . You seem to like the fact that he is not taking up too much of your time, but you also don't like that you don't see him enough. So what would be the ideal time spent together for you - once a week, twice a month, or? Who usually initiates get-togethers - you or him? Or do you take turns? I am just trying to figure out why you are now seeing each other only once a month - is it him, or something else?

AGG

AGG, I think this answers your question...

But she did not want anyone serious... If I were him and was dating someone who did not want to be serious, why would I not plan to move to another country if an opportunity came up? Why would he NOT move if GG is not interested in being serious?

AGG to answer your question, I think once every two weeks to start working up to 3-4 times a week would be good. The unfortunate fact is that I see less of D now than I did in November. No reason why he shouldn't move out of the country, but after close to 6 months of dating casually, he definitely doesn't want to take it to the next level.

As for initiating get togethers, recently it's been me. It's also been me who intitiates phone contact.

I know this will sound a little egotistical, but I think he really likes the idea of me. Right now, I think it's a timing issue. He's been struggling with some health and other issues.

That said, there's a big question as to whether he'd be into me if his life were in order. He was definitely an adrenolin junky as early as 4 years ago.

I am not a believer in "what if's", GG, such as what if his life were in order, or what if you were ready to be serious, etc. The reality is that things are the way they are, and that's the cards you are dealt.

Between your first post and your most recent one, I get the sense that he does not want or can't have a deeper relationship with you, and you are far from being sure that you want or can have a deeper relationship with him.

So given that, it seems that you have the option of continuing this dating relationship, or just letting it die naturally (since it seems that you are making most of the efforts to contact him) and move on to something that does not require this much effort. I believe that good relationships do not require much work, they develop and progress very naturally.

AGG

I'll second what AGG says. I'm in a similar situation with Dancing Girl. She gives no sign that she's interested in a relationship. I continue to interact with her because I like being with her, but I've given up on the likelihood that there will be anything more.

AGG and Fred, I agree. And I'm letting this one die naturally.
The cool thing is my sister is free again after a long-term relationship. It will be a good spring/summer to be free.

Well, I guess he is gone. Probably a good thing since lawyers are bad news!! LOL!!

Lawyers are allowed to say those kinds of things. But they forget that not everyone knows them.