I was wayyyy behind in the thread, and I don't think its applicable now, you seem to be doing much better. sorry.

I thought so RM, I have done the same moved by something someone said while catching up

LostM, I would not give up my association with with your childrens grandparents or or her fine family for the world. It will be crucial for your childrens mental and emotional health, and of course, yours also.

You will be doing what would be required as a permentenent "Plan B" for your wife, to return to God, if not you or the marriage. They will suffer greatly as well as the children as long as she is out there.

You don't want them to lose thier son,(you), as well as thier daughter. The relationship will change some, but you will allways part of thier family.

I agree. It may get a little weird some day when and if i remarry. But, they come with the package now.

Now i get to listen to a couple of people talk about how she claims om is her soul mate. WTF, she is a piece of work. It doesnt really get me that worked up, but she needs to learn to keep her mouth shut. Rant over.

Lost,

Don't let it control you, you can't make sense out of someone else's words or decisions..........all you can be is the best you........that is in your control.......take the high road for you and your kids........
I know it hurts to hear all that crap.......been there myself

Thanks jessi. Im doing my best to be the best me. Ya it hurts, part of the whole betrayal thing, but at the same time i will not let that control me. Thanks for the support.

Hang in there Lost! You've expressing a lot of wisdom - there are things you can control and things you can not control. If you can tell the difference, you're far ahead. I'm attempting to have the same insight - I can't control WW or her actions. Letting go is tough, but it's the most realistic and best option. Otherwise you'll go crazy and be a real downer to be around.

Andy you are right. I dont get on here much and dont know how your situation is going, but trying to convince a ww to come home is almost pointless. It is something that only she can decide. I gave her all of the necessary knowledge to make the right decisions to come home, like what can change, what went wrong, what we can improve, how we can work through it. After that, trying to force the matter just makes it worse. Its up to her now and im letting go. This is where the longer it takes for her the harder it will be for me to allow it. But a person cannot wait forever for it will be their undoing.

Well she gave me a list of stuff that she wants out of the house for when divorce comes. Basically all of the stuff she has brought to the marriage. I guess i should thank my lucky stars. But at the same time it brings a sadness to my heart that she is still ready to end this with 4 kids and all of our dreams involved. WW women are the pits.

Toss the list in the trash and, if she asks, tell her you must have lost it and don't remember much about it.

Unless it comes from a lawyer and you're looking at divorce papers, you aren't divorced.

Let her work a little bit harder to tear this down, ok?

Lost - I don't know what to tell you. I told my WW to take whatever she wants out of the house. Those are only things - I told her if she takes pictures, I'd like copies made. That's all. If she takes stuff - leave the holes and involve the kids in picking the replacement stuff. IMVHO that would be therauptic for them. They'll be excited it about and tell their 'mom.' Makes the point, these are only things and life goes on.

Its not the things that bother me. Really there is nothing that she is taking that is much concern. Its more the reality of what is coming i guess. I agreed to settle with her without fighting and then go to lawyer together. That keeps some pos lawyer from telling her what all she deserves from me. She wants out clean and as much as she needs to stay home and make things right for at least the kids, it seems that div may not be as bad as i imagined. I hope she sticks to the list and doesnt keep adding to it. I also, in a very small part of my heart, hope that she can come to her sinces and repent. Highly unlikely, but we have built a home together that she is a part of. I have prepared myself for the worst and if and when it comes(which im sure its coming) I will be able to accept it and move on, but today was just a sad day for me.

Man hugs to ya LostM. Its hard to watch someone ruin thier life like that.

Be sure to build yourself up, and get as much real people support as you can, and come here often to vent and keep us updated.

Hug those kids, I know how hard it is when your W goes crazy and self destructive. Its not your fault, and you will get through this trial.

God bless you guys,

Thanks CP it means a lot to come here and get support.

Lost - My WH leaving us for OW has cost me everything from two homes, my $100k career, his military career has been hit; literally everything he has touched in his life is now destroyed.

He sits in his deployment country with OW and is selling both of our homes. The hardest part is on my four kids (7 & under). They cannot understand anything. H

I moved 1/2 of our things (guns and tools included) 1500 miles west to be with my family. I went from a 3600 sq.ft home with a garden, many dreams, and security for my kids to a 2bed/2bath apartment. It hasn't been easy, but I have to say my kids are doing much better.

My WH will not even return to the States to get the homes sold. He is hiding out next to his mommy and OW (see military thread for my story). It is hard to see the snowball effect of this affair; I just keep hoping when he returns it will hit him like a ton of bricks.

He is relying on people supportive of his affair to move his 1/2 into storage because he knows that home will break him. He won't return to the home. He is too scared.

I home birthed our #4 in Feb. '10 and his affair started in July '10.

Today I try to forget the memories, and focus on the new memories with my four kids. I have fully explained daddy is not returning because he wants another woman and not mommy. My kids are very angry with him, and it is very sad to see what they are going through.

I try to focus on now. I know I will someday have a nice home again, where I can garden, and my kids can play. I know I will have an amazing husband next to me someday that will help me mow, plant, and everything else you do in a home. I look forward to having a new home made with concrete, and built on God.

I miss what my life was, but if I think back then the pain is too intense. I have to realize today is a great day with my kids, and we are together. Our apartment is on a golf course, so we are enjoying a new part of life. My five year old golfs, we swim, play tennis, and ride our bikes everywhere.

My WH threw us away like trash. When his fog lifts (if is ever does) his reality is going to be the most painful experience ever. He is no longer in our lives, we live 1500 miles West of him now. He has no money, and his debt is skyrocketing. The only way for him to make money will be TDY's overseas, and we know OW won't hang around while he is gone.

Keep your chin up and yes it is only stuff. As painful as it is to see your dreams, security, and hard work go up in smoke, remember your four babies are looking at you with honor, integrity, and commitment.

My kids know I will never leave them, i.e. I am 100% committed to them. I am here for them always. I am trying to make their lives the best each day of their lives. I know someday they will realize all that I have gone through and appreciate all that I did for them.

Glad to hear your doing good toughlove. I can imagine the pain of looking back at past dreams. I only wish my ww would move 1500 miles away so i would not have to worry as much about her coming around. She has changed so much over the last 6 months and she continues to hurt the kids in ways she does not understand anymore. She is pathetic.

I keep looking at the future in positive ways. Who may be on my arm one day, and who my kids will look up to. But my main focus remains on them and always will.

Sorry to hear that, Lost. What are y'all doing about custody? Sorry, but you're wife doesn't sound stable enough to have the children.

I agree. Honestly i don't really think she wants them. Other than talking the talk about how she loves them, she does not show me through her actions that she really cares about them. I would say it will be a 50/50 with me being primary as i will stay in the marital home and that's where their address will remain. Really never discussed it other than the 50/50 at one time.

Consider getting your own lawyer here if you're thinking of "sharing" an attorney with your wife. I'd really suggest protecting yourself here--ask for 100% physical/legal custody and then negotiate down.

Really, Lost. Do you want your kids around your wife and OM? If the answer is no, then do what you can to protect them from him. He could be a nutjob pedophile or have a friend that is one for all you know. You just don't know!!!

Don't start out low--it's negotiation 101, remember?

No i dont want them around her, but at the same time i know how evil she can be right now. I feel it would be better to just get out as cleanly as possible right now.