Vets and all others can chime in on this one with me. I just want to hear your thoughts on this, as I am going to take action on something else, yet related to the never-ending snowball effect from my xh's wayward life.

I have had it today. I am still, even after being divorced since december of 2003 from xwh extroidinaire Darth, dealing with the aftermath of Darths' behaviors and the behaviors now of the outlaws (my x inlaws and his parents).

My dh is out of town on business and we'll talk later tonight about this, but the pressure and constant contact about every six months or so from them as of the last year is getting to me. Background: My xwh is a serial cheater and horrible person. He is presently now in jail, an ex ceo, who lied and did horrible things and is now facing charges that he (and yes he did) assault and batter the female PI that his now ex wife (the affairage wifey) paid to trail him and prove that he was indeed cheating on her, too. There is a laundry list a mile long that constitutes why my xwh is a bad guy, and I attribute over half of his behaviors to his parents continual ENABLEMENT of him.

Now to the outlaws. I had wondered why when I found out darth had been unfaithful, that they refused to choose sides, and told me that they "just prayed things would work out". They never really lifted a finger ever, to show or tell their son anything was wrong. In fact, they even gave a combo wedding shower and baby shower to the pregnant affairage wifey like two weeks after we were divorced, b/c she was almost 7 mos pregnant at the time.

At the end of my marriage to darth, I found out why his parents had suddenly changed churches. His dad had even been a deacon at their church. He had had an affair with a woman from their church so they were told to leave. Period. HIs wife had enabled that, and stood by him and never did anything and the dad never did anything at all to repent imho.

Meanwhile after my divorce, I did my best always to try to foster a good relationship with my son and his grandparents on their side. They seemed somewhat pleasant to me, and I just sucked it up and was somewhat decent to them b/c I didn't want to make things hard on my son. This went on from 2003 untilJanuary of 2010, when I found out something that would forever change my views of them. So my son had time with them at their farm for maybe four days during a summer, and would see them for a day or two each Christmas holiday.

When I went to court in Jan of 2010, after finding out in 2009 late what my wxh did (the cheating, spousal abuse, and assault on the PI and a few other things), for full custody, I found out accidentally something about my xh's FIL.

I found out that shortly before my divorce from Darth, the xfil had been convicted of being a child offender, having had and met a 14 year old girl and had an affair. It was on the national list and it even had his photo beside it. I remember running to the bathroom to vomit, and called hysterical to my then fiancee, and bawled like a baby. I had been denied this information for many years because of them.

When confronted with this, they pretended NOT to know about it, and downplayed it. Then I was told a lame story about how the girl lied and that she said she was 18 and more stuff. I again was sickened. This was my sons' grandfather.

My FI rushed over to console me, and we talked and talked and called my family to decide what to do. It was my decision then, to not ever allow my son to see his paternal grandparents again. Sadly, this had to be done as this is a line I will not cross.

I went to court and this was even presented as evidence and was along with all the other information against his dad and I was awarded within two weeks full custody of my child. Never again would Darth have the ability to lie to a judge or to me and I found out Darth even knew about his dad. Only thing, neither myself or affair wifey knew of the situation regarding his father, and affair wifey is the mom to a little girl.

Time marches on and then darth has gone to jail. A once millionaire businessman was behind bars. At first I'd go maybe ever three or four months to let my son see his dad, but it has upset my son and we don't go anymore. My son is 12 now and will be 13 in late summer. He is at the age where he can decide what he wants.

Here is the issue. About ever third or fourth month we get a call from the outlaws requesting me take my son to see his father. Here's the kicker. My wxh, to try to supercede my wishes and wiggle around the fact I know his dad has the offender record, has refused to allow either my name or his now xwife's name (the affairage wifey) onto the visitation schedule. Thus, the only people on there who can come in and see him or bring either my son or his half sister to see his dad are THE OUTLAWS.

Thus, I don't let him go. And I leave them alone. But today I got the worst call ever. I am seriously thinking of having a restraining order placed against them so they do not try to call my phone or my sons' phone. I got a call today asking me to "Remember my Christian faith, and to allow them to take my son to see his dad, as his dad is heartbroken he has not seen his son in over a year."

I am absolutely angered beyond belief at the crass and the utter enablement. The xmil was who called me. She asked me to call her back and I never do. I just ignore their calls. My son read a letter his dad ent in february, read a few lines, and then wadded it up and threw it away.

I am sick of hearing the lies and justifications from them. I am not going to let my son see them ever again, after knowing they lied to me about the status of xh's dad for so many years, and would worry about what is going on now if my son ever saw them.

Fwiw, over the years I have been sickened with the thought of what I allowed. Just even knowing that my son was over there for even one overnight visit has made me ill. I was supposedly told by them that "it was something way in the past, he thought the girl was 18, and that a boy around him is perfectly fine" makes me ill. Physically ill still. To say that to me? Again, I was denied the truth and the dignity of being allowed to know what they had done. Such horrible enablers.

I am considering getting a restraining order against them and would like your thoughts on this. I don't want any further contact with them, and if I see their calls on my cell, I just delete them. My son deletes them too as I see his cell daily.

I come from a life and family that is pretty darn normal. Except for the drama that came from Darth and his family, we don't have this kind of stuff to ever deal with, and to me, it's almost as bad as living an alternate reality. I have to work hard to keep my stress levels down b/c simply dealing with such a difficult and badly wayward ex is something that takes a toll on your health.

After finding out about outlaw xfil last year, I actually now get anxiety after any contact from them. They push and push and I've had enough. I no longer want to deal with them in any way, shape or form. Darth had attributed to my having a recurrence of high blood pressure for two years btw. I don't want that to happen again because of maybe 3-4 x a year dealings with his parents now.

Your thoughts on how to handle these people. Again, both the outlaws and my xwh are unrepentant waywards it would seem, on top of the criminal record of my xfil. I don't believe that with his record that any judge would allow my son to have any contact with his grandfather, considering, but even a call getting thru to him freaks me out. I have blocked the grandparents on his phone now btw.

So should I seek a restraining order?

What also gets me and tells me that these people will never stop, is the sheer fact my xfil even went to school events to see my son. He went to ball parks to watch my son play baseball. He went to school plays. It was as if he never realized he was a convicted sex offender. I am sickened to now know that he was anywhere around a school. I actually thought that Family Values (the wistress affair wifey) was on the same page as I, but last month at the last minute, she ALLOWED her 7 year old daughter and her son from a previous relationship, to go let the outlaws visit with them and take them to see darth, in jail. I was outraged!

She told me (Family Values, darth's now ex wife) that "it's ok. It wasn't like it was a kid. He thought the girl was 18. He is't going to harm a child." I told her right is right and my putting my son around him is plain wrong and I won't do it.

Again, I pose to you this. Restraining order or not? DH thinks I should and supports me.

I am so sorry and feel the same way. Keeping your son away from them is exactly what I would do.

I would get the RO. The anxiety just from interacting with them alone is reason enough to me.

I've blocked them from my sons' phone now. The calls from them to him stopped probably six months ago after blocking.

But to me, they know where I work, and they know my cell. I could go and block the #, but then again I'd not be stopping the issue.

Can you get a restraining order against people who really haven't done anything per se malicious to you? Imho, they HAVE done something malicious to me. They lied about my xfil being an offender. This was a guy who was professional, again you'd never expect any of this from these people at all. I still feel like I've had the rug pulled from under me, ever since 1/10. knew they were chronic enablers of xwh and knew that my xfil had cheated a few times on his wife, but had NO IDEA at all that xfil had done that.

They have not threatened me in any way on any message. Just irritating and messages filled with trying to guilt me into letting them see my son and allow them to take my son to see his dad. Like make me into the "bad guy" or something for not doing so. I'm doing what is right!

But it causes me anxiety to even hear from them anymore. I am sick of it. I have had it with any residual anxiety. I've served my time with my wxh. Done. I have full custody. Done. I had my son 100 percent for the year and a half before I even got the court order of the full custody. Done.

Legal experts: Can I get an RO from the continued messages from the xil's? Can the stress it causes be enought to warrant one?

So it was ok to sleep with a 14 year old girl but don't worry he doesn't like boys???

That is what they are spinning.

Set boundaries...

Sent letter saying that you do not want your son to have any contact with X-FIL -- ever based on his sex offender status.

If contact is made you will then have a restraining order on them.

As far as Darth, he has nothing to negotiate for. If your son EVER decides to see his father in the slammer in the future then you will be needed to be put on the visitor list because you will be the only person who will bring him to jail.

Keep your son safe. That is your only priority.

Blessings.

Peachy, as a victim of child sexual abuse, I support you 100%. You can't be too careful as a parent--I like hope3343's advice and would follow that.

That is what I have done thus far, is to make sure my ds has NO WHATSOEVER contact with the outlaws ever again.

I haven't gotten the RO, but have made it clear time and again that I will not visit with, nor see, nor converse (except in a voicemail) with the outlaws. I haven't mentioned RO yet, but will now.

I'm glad you see that fallacy in thinking, because the outlaws obviously do not. It is their spin, yes, on how they WISH things to be, but I am never going to allow them around.

I seriously think that I need to do an RO now. Not wait or threaten. I am just sickened at them and at any of their contact ever.

My x lost everything, and still doesn't understand the ramifications of his behavior. You'd think somebody in his shoes might. He lost his houses. His boat. His possessions. His affair marriage. Everything. But no. He has no clue. And it's not my job to make him do a damn thing. I just am a wonderful mom to my son and always keep him top priority.

DH thinks we should go ahead with an RO soon, so that I don't have any more stress from them. I honestly have had enough stress for an entire lifetime courtesy of these immoral people.

Never worry about my allowing my son around them, that cannot happen. My sons' school even is aware that nobody from my xh's family can pick up or come on campus to see him.

If xfil ever shows up at one of my sons' football games next fall, I will promptly call the county police and have him arrested as a violation and that he's an offender on school grounds.

This whole thing has been explained in gentle terms, by me, my DH, and my sister and bil (the closest grownups in my son's life). We asked our minister how to approach this in explaining to my son and we did well. My son simply refuses and does not ever want to see the outlaws ever again either, along with his dad.

This question is more about MY stress in having only to deal with them every 3 or 4 months and now that is far too much. I don't want the stress anymore. So an RO to me, would allow this to become something of the past.

Seriously, I now think that a wayward has to begin somewhere with the modeling of behaviors, and I think he learned it from his own father.

I would protect my son from anyone that might hurt him, I agree .......restraining order on them, for sure!

HU

Good. Thanks HU.

I am just sick and damn tired of having one ounce of stress from them!

Even hearing their guilt-ing in the voicemail from today made my heart race. I could feel my blood pressure rising.

Dealing with any of them is just stress inducing to me. And it truly had taken for a time, a toll on my health. When there is ZERO contact with any of them, I feel and am well! Feel great, actually. My dh is sick of them and thinks also RO is what to do.

But can I since they haven't threatened me per se? That's the question.

HnG, thank you too. I am sorry you endured that, and am so protective of my ds.

I am lucky. My ds is very open to me, and thankfully we do not believe that xfil has in any way done that.

((peachy))) I would seek to restrain these two scumballs even if he didn't have the sex offender charge...so definitely! I know it must be impossible, but try not to let them get to you where your blood pressure is jeopardized, they are pathetic and soulless and really have no power imo.

Peachy, I am so sorry you have to go through this. Don't have an OUNCE of guilt for getting those poisonous, toxic people out of your life. Those allegations against your ex FiL sicken me. Yeck.

Oh wow. You are such a good mom. So happy to hear how you are protecting your son.

As far as the RO. I imagine you could get one, depending on where you live and the politics there. However, it might be better to FIRST demand No Contact. And inform them that if they contact you or your son again you will be seeking a RO. And mention the offenders list he is on....and how it FREAKS you out!! (ok, maybe less dramatic wording)....and if they do not honor that request I would DEFINITELY seek a RO. I think if you ask for no contact and they violate that you can get a RO.

Oh, and disclaimer: I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on MB.

Thank you Cabbage & Arpeggi.

It is literally making me sick. I dread having a physical coming up in a few weeks b/c of the residual effects from just this. Hopefully things will get better soon and I'll forget about it.

I still am wondering if I can legally get an RO against people who have not threatened me. However, the pleadings of a man who is an offender to see my child, albeit his grandson, should be against the law right? I swear, if they push the envelope yet again by coming to his school events, I will call the police.

It is just getting to be too much. I worked thru so much of this the last seven years, to only have to deal with increased issues regarding the enablement of horrible behaviors.

How in the heck is that xfil of mine ever going to realize, or his crazy wife, realize that what they have done/are doing is just plain wrong and that bad people should be held accountable for their actions?

They should be darn thankful imho, that I haven't called where he reports to a parole or whatever kind of officer, and let them know he went to my sons' school a year and a half ago and to a baseball field with lots of minors there. Again, the arguement that he didn't know the girl was 14 is SICK. He is a man who is like 60 years old. But would have been 54 when it happened (I think). Still evil, vile, and creepy.

And to think, even up to a year ago, Ms. Family Values (the affairage wife) told me that she thought she'd found further evidence that xfil was again cheating on xmil. ???? I cannot understand why xmil has stayed with him or how on earth she could enable both her son (darth) and her H. It is almost unthinkable.

I just am back in protection mode again. I HATE this feeling.

I sure hope someone who is a wayward reads this, b/c seeing what ENABLEMENT can do to a wayward might make somebody stop their decit and immoral actions like now!

I am finally laughing a bit. I took ds to dinner a bit ago and we had a huge laugh over dinner over something we saw in the Simpsons' movie. We just got back from orlando from spring break, and we loved that ride. We're laughing a bit of how Homer in the movie, made a homemade sign to confuse some military personnel. He made a "sop" sign. One of the oficers said to the other: "Hey, there's something suspicious about that SOP sign." We giggled for maybe 10 minutes.

First time I've really relaxed all day since 10 am and the call from the crappy wayward family. They're like the manson family of cheating, I swear.

Peachy, do you have sole custody of your son? If you do, then you DO have the authority to say who is and who is not allowed around your son.

It doesn't matter (in a court of law) what reasons/excuses your xfil has for what he did. Innocent or not, he was CONVICTED.

Is your xfil CURRENTLY on the national sex offender registry? If he is, then you have some additional weapons in your arsenal. MOST sex offenders have strict rules that they have to follow. Being around children under the age of 18 is one of them. However, once they are convicted and have "done their time" it is possible to be removed from the registry and the restrictions lifted.

Well that takes care of what your ex can and cannot do, but not your xfil. As far as the prison visits, again, YOU decide where your son goes and with whom. His dad just cut off his nose to spite his face. Really? He's heartbroken? Those sound like xmil's words. Apparently your ex is still a schemer if he tried to go around you on the visitation.

Unfortunately, I don't think you'll be able to get a RO because they haven't really broken any laws or gone against any existing orders. I would suggest that if any further contact gets through, that you document and create a record of the attempts. You may be able to prove harassment and/or stalking.

Be careful Peachy, custody orders can change, especially if your ex can prove that your interfering with his relationship with his son. When will he get out? Is it possible that he would attempt to gain custody again? Have you thought about terminating his parental rights? I know in Texas, if someone is a convicted felon and they are imprisoned for more than two years, their rights can be terminated.

You really should talk to a lawyer about all of this. He can guide you best on what actions to take at this point.

I'm so sorry this is causing you such anxiety. I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to deal with them.

You know you can't control what wistress does with her family but I understand your anger. Why do you have contact with her at all? She still sounds like a wayward.

One last point, ROs usually have a shelf life and have to be renewed with NEW behaviors or harassment. Do grandparents have rights where you live? Can they file for visitation rights?

Please keep us posted.

P.S. Just wanted you to know, that I LOVE reading your posts to others. You do a fantastic job!

@Princess Meggy: The grandparents live in a different state than I do. I have sole custody and definitely choose who and when can have access to my ds.

I will have to check on that state law regarding the felony and parental rights. He definitely HAS a felony on his record but that is for something else but happened in same timeframe and another reason the ex ceo dad is in jail (tried to bribe somebody, a woman and a witness). I will find out about GA laws regarding this and the 2 year rule. Hoping that when the next trial (on the calendar and soon) for the assault on the PI comes, that it will go longer than 2 years.

He cannot ever try to go against me for custody again imho. I have him on also grounds of his cruelty and spousal abuse, which several instances occured, during time my son was on visitation at his house. He had hit Family Values and my son overheard everything. Saw her afterward and my son said she was bruised.

That was another thing I didn't know had gone on under his roof.

Is my ex still a schemer? You bet your bottom dollar he is. 100%. Of course he's trying to find a way to circumvent the law and get me to go back on my decision regarding the outlaws.

My friend (a lawyer back home) told me that I must NEVER allow my son to see them, b/c if I allow that it is a slippery slope, and at a later date if they tried, (again grandparents do not have rights I believe in my state) they might could try to say in a court of law that I was "okay" with things and that I "implied" in my allowing my son to see them that I believed the xfil to not be a danger to my child.

Obviously I will never allow that. My son will be 13 this summer, and in this state, the judge pretty much will abide by what the child wants as well, and my son wants none of them. He's happy with DH and I, as we're very child-focused and normal people, quite unlike xh and his now xw and the whole situation.

I have had sporadic contact with his now xw b/c her child is my sons' half sister, and that's only why. I am limiting that now due to the fact she allowed her child around the outlaws. I cannot believe she did that. My friend (she's a lawyer) back home in TN said that would and could affect her custody in the future potentially. The fact I've made a stand and stood by it is good.

Yes, my xfil is on the registry. I actually found him by accident in googling his sons' name and it was on the watchdog list. Picture too. Been on the list for seven or so years now. I was told he'd have to do this always. Again, I don't have case specifics b/c it was in Louisiana where it occurred.

Thanks Princess Meggy~I always help others here b/c I was so greatly helped during my time of need by many here at MB. Sadly, an affair is the gift that keeps on giving and giving and unfortunately I'm still dealing with the fallout of Darth and his emas/repeated lies and problems. Even with little to no contact with him. Have not spoken to the man in over a year. Like 1.5 years now and I honestly have enjoyed that.

Call your lawyer and find out. I think that the laws are different in every state, and I don't have any experience with a restraining order. So far.

Also, send those people a letter (snail mail) telling them that you will report them to the cops if you see the child molester at any school events. In fact, stop communicating with them in any way except through snail mail. It would be even better if the letters came from your attorney.

Can you have your husband listen to any messages from them and pass on any pertinent information? Not that there's likely to be any. They have no legal standing to have a relationship with you or your son.

I'm sorry that you're dealing with those freaks.

I guess I will call my old lawyer here in my state about that. My friend (she's a lawyer back home) said she doubted that the grandparents, also knowing grandpa is an offender, would be granted any leeway at all by any court due to grandpa's conviction.

I have decided that I will call the police myself if they try to appear at any of his events. I CAN do that, as a child offender, as you said, cannot be at any school or near one.

Right now it's hard for my dh to listen to the messages as he's out of town a good bit on business during the week with a huge client. But he's willing and would do so in a second. He's such a blessing to my son and I. He's the dad my son actually has deserved all along! But for quite a few years, I was both mom AND dad to my ds, and would do that all over again if I had to. My son is the most dear person in the world to me!

I fought my xh like heck during our divorce and the only reason the scoundrel got any custody was he wore me down $wise legally trying to make my lawyers jump thru hoops and slow things down and bury me in paperwork. BAsically he tried to make the divorce as expensive as he could and he would delay paying cs and anything else he could and say that "there's no decree". I had to go to court numerous times b/c of nonpayment of cs also.

It was a horrible nightmare. I finally gave in and gave him what he wanted. 1/3 custody to my 2/3 and he got off in giving me less cs. A freakin' millionaire (of course, unproved to the courts b/c he produced fraudulent docs from his company)paid me $500 a month in cs. And he was late or never paid for alot.

He owes me right now over 12k in back cs. Thank God I have a good job and that dh has an even better one.

Peach - simple,-to the point response:

"Religious abuse is as vile as your husband's treatment of a young girl, your acceptance of your son's unChristian behavior toward his wife and child, and your family continues to rot to the core because of your warped sense of Christianity.

Do not attempt to contact me again. Your husband is a pedophile and will never see my son again. If you persist in your religious abuse I will file a restraining order and I will get it, seeing as your husband broke the law being around my son and his sister and on a school yard and you enthusiastically enable it. Do not provoke any further response from me. You will not like the exposure.

That's good and I have said almost as many words to them the last time they called (right before Christmas).

Seems to cycle around holidays (their calls and ridiculous requests).

My dh and I didn't get to talk that much about it tonight, just a little as he's out of town right now, but we are going to hash that out tomorrow night. I like the wording of what you wrote, but again, I do believe I have to find out if I even have grounds for a restraining order.

I do believe, that I have grounds for possible harassment. I am going to cut and paste those words into a separate document and save it. Love some of that wording and know I'll use it. Just need to make sure how.

They are warped in the head, and use their psuedo-faith as a weapon to try to stab me with their warped ideas, accusing me of not having Christian faith or forgiveness. I have forgiveness of course, but not for those who wish to hurt my family or my friends and my son is at the top of that list!

Xfil has showed up at my sons' sporting events (baseball) and at a few school functions too, but not many. He came to alot of my sons' baseball games. I even remember him coming to my sons' kindergarten graduation, which would have been right after that happened.

I know the exposure he'll get if he does it again, and this exposure will result in his being arrested on site. I just do not wish to embarass my son if he does that.

That's the sad part. In no way do I wish the actions of his horrible grandparents and bio-dad to hinder my son in any way, shape, or form. But absolutely there will be NO CONTACT between myself, my son, with those horrid people.