I've read tons of threads (including all the sticky'd Plan A threads) but am looking for a list of things that have worked well for BS's when in Plan A. Search feature didn't yield much.

For example, I went out and bought my WW coffee this morning and brought it home before I left for the day. At first she refused it but thanked me later. I'm looking to get a huge list of things to try so that I keep a good Plan A going.

What has worked for you?

Some favored Plan A tactics:

1. after exposing the affair to the OMW and the WW's parents, the BH insisted his wife get on the phone with the OMW and answer her questions about the affair [Northwood did this]

2. a BH escorted his WW to Human Resources and made her confess her workplace affair to the Director of Human Resources

3. exposing to the children and encouraging the children to ask their wayward parent to explain the affair

4. A WW's mother called her daughter's OM and threatened to have the mafia deal with him - he dumped her THAT DAY

Another Plan A fave!

While I love watching that clip every time I come across it but I was thinking of the post exposure small things to show love to the WS. Like gifts, notes, etc. I'm trying to get a list for when I run out of ideas but am still in Plan A.

You would do the things that made her fall in love with you before you got married. What did you do?

Suggestions (For Affectionate types):

1. Bouquets of Roses, 2. Dancing to romantic music, 3. Wine, 4. Looking at the stars, 5. Kissing in the rain, 6. Rubbing shoulders, feet, putting fingers through the hair gently, 7. Mailing a handwritten note straight from the heart to your sweetie with perfume or cologne, 8. Making her breakfast in bed, 9. Opening doors and closing them for her everywhere, 10. Holding hands, 11. Making love sayings on strips of paper, putting them in a homemade box that says "pull here.", 12. Recording her a CD with her favorite songs she doesn't have yet, 13. Recording a video of yourself and putting all the good memories of them, 14. Writing love poetry, 15. Singing your own song to her, 16. Giving a toast to her in everyone's presence, 17. Baking a cake with "I love you!", 18. Saying I love you in every language through a text

For Recreational Types:

Go places with him/her alone.. no friends, no sisters, no kids.. It has to be his/her FAVVVVOOORIITE place and don't complain, don't pull out your cell, compliment compliment compliment, and have fun.

Other ENs it is easier

Eric

In my case my Plan A was centered around eliminating my angry outbursts. I read books on Verbal Abuse and joined a group for male verbal abusers known as MEVAC (Men Ending Verbal Abuse). The learning there made a huge difference in my ending a decade plus of verbally abusive behavior. It has been a difficult road to lose those patterns of behavior as they had become almost automatic "habits".
For the men here who have problems with Verbal Abuse I highly recommend you google "MEVAC" and begin the process.

Hurting Turkey
ME: BH age 56 Recovering Verbal Abuser
SHE:WW age 49
Married 13 years
Hers: 22 and 18 years
Mine: 30, 28 and 22 years
Ours: 11 years
She still won't admit A despite overwhelming evidence
Considered Plan B but was told not to by Steve H. since A is over
Grateful for the people on this board (even though they tire of telling me what I don't want to hear!)

Have you asked her to fill out the Emotional Needs Questionaire? You may be doing good things, but they aren't the things she likes. She can tell you what she likes on the questionaire. It worked wonders for my plan A.

I was trying all sorts of great things that I thought H would like, but after he completed the questionaire I realized those things weren't adding anything to his love bank because they weren't what HE liked. Does that make sense?

She is past the point of wanting to do the questionnaire but I know her well enough. I'm just curious what everyone else was doing.

Plan A was VERY difficult for me. VERY. I would say I reviewed my Plan A notes every day to keep myself on track.

Here were some of my notes/bookmarks:

Mr Wondering's list of do's and don'ts of Plan A:

DOs
1. Act Happy
2. Get a life (new activities, etc.)
3. repeat over and over..."I will make it"
4. Actively LISTEN....keep conversations at "to the point...small talk" ...don't blow it up beyond the waywards current comfort zone
5. Tend to Agree (Thank you for your truthfulness, It seems that way, you have a point)
6. Expand your social relationships (Being especially aware of your own vulnerability and keeping sharing and time with opposite sex relationships to an absolute minimum)
7. Get sexy (gym, new clothes, etc)
8. Focus on your strengths and Positives...don't put yourself down verbally or constantly go over what you did wrong
9. Accept Uncertainty (Do your best today and let God take care of tommorrow)

DON'Ts

1. Repeatedly say "I love you"
2. Ask questions that don't have answers yet
3. Criticize, complain, whine or nag
4. Say, "I've changed"....allow the wayward spouse to simply judge your actions
5. Argue, Reason or Plead
6. Don't get family or friends overly involved in recovery (notice I said "in recovery", EXPOSURE to bust up an active affair IS ESSENTIAL and EXPOSURE to the OP's spouse is an absolute MUST)
7. Act helpless or depressed
8. Discuss morality, invoke God or Dr. Laura type babble
9. Suggest marital counseling (must be the waywards idea)
10. Tell them continually "we need to work on the relationship"
11. GIVE UP

Also I tried to follow this advice:

Other than this I worked very hard not to have any emotional outbursts so I would keep myself busy with the house and kids and just tried to focus on taking good care of myself.

HTH!

Good stuff Suz! One of the first things I did was email myself MW's list so that I could review it often. Thanks for the reminder.