I have all of the information I need to know definitely. Oh he is beside himself, he left for work crying. He knows that this was the worst thing he could do to me after everything I have done.

Long or maybe short of it� yes one big PA with little to EA (bunny burner) � devastating� 2 kissing in a bar � and the hardest to recover from- it may sound silly, he had a very short (week) lived make out session with his son�s mother. My DSS is 25. We met when I was 18, he had a son, with little contact, as a product of a broken family- I said that I would not date him if he had no contact or relationship. So our relationship grew as did his with his son. 23 years later I am here. I changed my entire life for them, I was never comfortable with baby momma (can I call her that- DSS is a bit older). I grew up and began to respect her for all that she had done for DSS- he is a fantastic young man. Our relationship as a family unit grew to a respect level that we could all accept. There�s 23 years of things but that the gist.

So as I mentioned, I knew there was more� reviewed my morning conversation about if you want a divorce go file but there will be no more lies. So I addressed the lies, very calmly I really think an Oscar is in order. He explained what I had already known, I said is there anything else that you need to tell me, he said no. That�s when I said something like your actions today, may define who you are tomorrow. So I ask about, baby momma. That�s when full body shakes began, and he had admitted he had a week of canddoling with her before she got married. She is since divorced, but who knows trying to whatever. This was his guilty; this was why moving forward was he was crippled. I thanked him for his honesty and asked him if he finally felt relief from what he had been carrying for let�s say 5 years. He said no, this is worse. He later did thank me (ha) and said yes it is a relief.

I told him he has to call her and tell her that I know, blah bla. So he called her on speaker, and explained that he told me everything� she has also been carrying the same guilty blah blah.. I did say that this was also an EA for many years longer and he did agree, while she not so much. She did say, that there werent enough way to say sorry to person, that saved her sons life (yes we had a bit of a severe depression thing with DSS and I got him the help he needed). More tears more apologies, more excuses, I ended the convo with I don�t know where this is going to go but I would hope that she would respect me enough for all that I have done for DSS and move on.
That�s the gist�but now I have to move forward (oh yeah today the C&D letter should hit- so the wrath from OW#4 should hit)
I told him that while I need to figure things out he would have NC with baby momma, he agreed.

He needed to make a large donation to a charity of my choice (in the same, amount as we loaned he to close on her home)
Do i/him (who?) tell DSS- about an hour later we both got an email requesting we don�t- but I think the opposite- he is a strong, young man, who is very thoughtful � he ponders the world, the way human function and interact and listens to people to understand and learn about life. He is a deep soul. He has respected me as a step mom and friend and we have a relationship built on mutual respect. My WH is destroyed, he thinks that his DS will lose all respect for him; on the other hand I feel that not telling him may do that more- he will find out, if he isn�t thinking it already- we told him about OW#4. He texts me weekly to say even though he is 20 hours away, he can listen, he is quite something.

I am really ignoring the email and I think it�s a bit rude, but she is protecting herself. Whatever- should have thought of it before the canodding.

4 lives in a mess for kissing, really��

WH and I have been working the program and have spoken to Jennifer a few time, things were actually going really well besides his guilt eating away at him.

Oh- yeah- he did thank me for finding this site and MB- he said it has been the best thing, and wishes he known about it before, his first minutes of a convo with Jennifer he was a skeptic, the last 45 he was a convert. He gets it. We have a follow up call tomorrow, I guess she may shift our plan.

I don�t really know where to begin.??? Ooh isn�t that my post title, well back again

1. Do you think that's it, that there's no more left unsaid?

2. Of course, NC with his "baby's momma". Shouldn't be hard to do.

3. Yes, tell the oldest son about his father and mother. You're right, he'll respect his father more for the honesty than the dishonesty. Go ahead and get it over with so that, by this time next week, you'll be way past it.

4. If your husband says he is relieved to be free of the lies and thanks you for doing this (MB, counseling, getting the truth out of him) then I'd say that's a very good thing.

5. Make sure you don't have anything that needs to be said, ok? Not saying you do, but a double-standard wouldn't fly very well.

I swear your story reminds me of me...a few false recoveries that, when looking back, would have never lasted because there wasn't that "genuine" desire to repair this mess.

So where do you go next? Think it over, talk with Jennifer and see what she says. It sounds like you took one big step here, and, hopefully, that's a good foundation for rebuilding your marriage.

hate that quote thing.

I dont know where to go next i know today i got up got to work ,look great, oh yeah i took an early lunch and bought a bike, rack and trainer. so now i am feeling good.

dont know what to do, concerned about my own self respect now. lot to ponder- but do i love him, of course, just hate his actions, now.

what to do???? I could break into song on that.

Hmmm, I know you said you have the full truth...but I have to tell you, the bar kissing thing, that exactly what my H said about OW2 and my gut told me that didn't make sense. It turned out I was right about that, it was lie. It wasn't at the bar and it wasn't just a kiss. Figured I would mention it.

Have you ever thought about calling into the radio show? Might be a good idea to get Dr Harley's take on this situation because there are multiple As, ddays and one of the OW is your stepchild's mother. I have called in once and they are SO nice and easy to talk to...

i think i do have it all, i did tell him, i would ask for a poly, his eyes poped out. then i made him go thru every sickening deatil.

I have not called into the radio sho, we have an appt with jennifer tomorrow, though.

Agreed, it's not the best format, but no sense dragging it out until he's back in the country. He'll be fine.

I wouldn't say anything about your posting here. Then again, I've always wondered *when* is a good time to do so?

Rhetorical question-- unless you know the answer for both of us

I did say that i have been getting info on the web, but he doesnt seem too interested in where the advice and info is coming from. but im not showing him, i am being selfish right now. though i dont think he would care, he knows that i have a blocker on his phone and the sms are recorded, and he wasnt bothered by that at all, he wanted out of the lies.

now you may have more bit senstivity at home... dont do it anytime soon you are riding a good streak.

who should tell DSS? him or both? baby moma is going to be mad. ooohh- should i respond to her email, saying i disagree and i doing it anyway?

my problem, is what do i do when i get home, nothing is normal its all new and i dont know what i am doing in my own head, its been too much for my multitasking brain to handle. I really cannot think of a damn thing to say, well maybe thats not a bad thing, i am tired i hearing myself talk- and i am the quite one. Last week we were making great strides on the program, this week set back... cannot wait to speak to jennifer!

You and husband should tell DSS together. Who cares about his mother and don't respond to her email. Better yet, block her address or change your email address so that you won't ever see her name in print again.

It's ok if you don't want to talk relationship now with your husband. Go ahead and practice the new O&H and just tell him this:


and ask if y'all can just do something quiet this evening--watch a movie, something that doesn't involve a lot of brain function if that's what you need.

He's probably thinking the same thing, but make sure nothing gets swept under the rug. Your call with Jennifer should help out. Just use that as your goal for the time being.

suzie q why are u always right, so after the confession and tears this AM. Got a heart wrenching letter 6 pages of honesty and a plan and committment to the future, but in the honest portion was another last and final lie. the way he described the canoodling with baby moma was not accurate, now it is... it was not sex but sexual, so that means clinton was right??! and it happend not many years agao but periodically up until teh last time just after her Divorce from her "partner" oh yes did i say c rated movie.

as part of the night a NC & admitting phone call was made and they Both Lied about the time frame and extent. I guess i was a bit numb, but the tears this am told me not to be sure, and susie q i wasnt dismissing you, i just have done trickle truth for too long now.

so still what to do???? I think that i would like to tell DSS alone, now and then respond to her fckn email with "that may have been ok, but you lied again, sorry" or i can be more intelligent with something like "i can see why you would think that way, protecting you child is critical, but protecting youself from the truth is not my problem, you had a shot and blew it" btch! what do you think ?

well the six page note goes into alot of soul searching thoughts, and the gist of it is an apology, which i did get in person, and the things that he is committed to doing if i will have him back.the note ends with that he will not come home unless i want him to.

what should i do let him stew for a bit?
write the email to the biach?
skype DSS by myself?

So sorry to tell you that my gut feeling is that you still don't know everything, chicka. All you have is the word of a LIAR and the whole it wasn't sex but it was sexual, I have a VERY hard time believing this. Can I just say the secrets that my H knew would hurt me the most were the ones he held onto until the bitter end?

I would strongly encourage you to follow through with telling him you are scheduling a poly (even if you are just bluffing) and tell him that because he has told you so many half-truths that you need the poly to know the ENTIRE truth is out before you can move forward.

I am not sure about the exposure or contacting baby momma, maybe hold off on that until you can talk to Jennifer?

i am doing that exactly, looking for a company now. listen he had sex with her at least once they do have a child so i know the reality, that it happend again. but i guess him saying it and me hearing it is part of the plan.

what about skyping DSS?

If you want to do it, I would say go for it! {{{chicka}}}}

thank you. i may just do that, unless someone here tells me no way, bad move

attny just scheduling poly as we speak, just told him and he is freaking, more lies to come.........

Yup, if he is freaking, that can only mean one thing. No matter what he tells you, keep the pressure up. Some of these trickle truthers are still revealing more on the day of the poly...

agreed to poly. no more he want to tell me he says there is not more to tell.

do i tell him to go? i am just very mad

well i took off for pizza and wine with friend at her home, cannot look him in the face as he rereads SAA. i have a self respect issue going on that i dont know what to do. i feel that i have done so much for this family, if i look at it from an outside point of view i may say i cannot believe she stayed after that one, the first was bad but i dont know, is she a doormat? this is more the close family and friends that know about the crap going on.

i think my moral standard is high, and i think that the way that i behaved and reacted during this is an example of who i am. as i said is baffling to many- with self respect calmness and decency, there is a fine line between how i want to behave and react during situation and having a lack of self respect that i didnt stand up for myself beter. hard to put into words, for example i have been upstanding, acceptng, understanding, welcoming to baby momma, people have said i cannot belive how i can do it all these years. if i stay in this i will feel like all of the self respect and respect of other will be gone, have to only have myself to judge. dont know if i cn do it, will i regret that i dint have the balls?

Whether you decide to leave or to stay, at least you will have chosen one of the two. Make sense? If you can say that you're choosing to stay, but could certainly leave just as easily, then I don't think that makes you a doormat or weak.

Now, if you stay because you are too afraid to go, then that may be something to look at. That doesn't sound like you, though, from what you've written here.