Hill ... lets stop referencing an affair. I believe that your wife is faithful ok? I am pretty sure we have that established now.

In regards to questioning her "orgasm" WHY would you do that? You have been working very hard at achieveing some intimacy and you threw your recent efforts away. You SHOULD have complimented her and or rewarded her .. not berate her! I would have said something along the lines of "WOW, Honey that was great! Your an AMAZING wife! I really enjoyed your affection! Did you enjoy it as much as I did? Was there anything I could have done better for you to make it more enjoyable?"

By complaining about her performance, your only going to make her want to do it even less! I know this becasue I did it too! I understand your concerns about her being not as tight as you might expect, but GEESH man .. she JUST had a baby! Her body will not be totally repaired yet! SLOW DOWN!

Did you offer her Oral sex? Reason I ask is because more often than not .. women do not orgasm by intercourse alone.

I used to act just as you .. and if i felt my wife was not enjoying it .. I would get upset. I felt guilty like i was using her. But after much negotiation (and many arguments about sex and performance) we came to an agreement that if the sex is just for me .. thats fine .. because she gets enjoyment from my pleasure and she told me that she would tell me (radical honesty) if she wants an orgasm too so I do not put any pressure on her to have one. Women dont (often) need it as much as men do so please understand that .. and STOP with the pressure for her orgasm. Let her get comfortable being intimate first ... you need to get into her MIND and bond emotionally. She made a GREAT effort and stepped out of her comfort zone to work on intimacy with you.

I would apologize to her ASAP ... tell her your sorry for complaining about her performance and making her think her efforts were not good enough. Reassure her that shes the only one for you and that you now believe her that your the only one for her. She did AWESOME as far as I am concerned and you need to thank her for that and tell her how much you appreciated it. Do something special for her.

MNG

Night was good, wife offered oral sex, which was great, that led to real sex which was great. Immediately afterwards she saw the "stewing" look on my face and asked me to tell her what bothered me. I told her that a certain something fit too easily into something else for not having had sex for so long and that I questioned whether her orgasm was real.

I told her that a certain something fit too easily into something else for not having had sex for so long

Immediately afterwards she saw the "stewing" look on my face

I told her that a certain something fit too easily into something else for not having had sex for so long

Your wife delivered your third child less than six months ago. Things will fit together differently FROM NOW ON!! Get over it.

Also, is your wife breastfeeding the new baby? If so, she may go through a time of being "touched out" just because of all the little people pulling at her right now.

I am not one of the MB experts. However, I AM an expert in what it's like to have a bunch of little kids. One of the most difficult times in my life was when my third child was born. It is very, very hard to have all those tiny little people needing a piece of you all day every day.

I noticed that the very first time you posted here was around the time your youngest baby was born. Is there any chance that your marital problems are because you are jealous of the time your wife is spending caring for your children? Are you helping her around the house and with the children? And if you are helping, what's your attitude about it?

P.S. Yes, you were a real jerk.

You know, I about died reading that sentence. It was embarrassing to read. Intensely personal. I'm sure your wife doesn't want your sexual difficulties broadcast here. And I'm sure it was indescribably horrible for her to hear it from you in person.


That was your first mistake.

Hill, can you control your paranoia? If your emotions get the best of you and keep you from working this logical plan here, you are not going to make it. Trust me.

Face the logic for a minute:

* Women can enjoy sex without orgasm
* Your wife can tell you if she's not enjoying sex and if she'd like you to do something different. You don't have to obsess over that. Let her worry about it.
* Men can enjoy sex without their wives orgasming
* YOUR WIFE IS WILLING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU

Relax and have a good time. Trust your wife to let you know if there's a problem, and express your willingness to help her if she ever feels like there is one. Relax. Have a good time.

Hill, do you want to follow the Marriage Builders plans to help your marriage get better?

If so, let me remind you on what the Marriage Builders plan is if you suspect an affair: snoop, find evidence, and do not confront until you have evidence. You've been told this a number of times, and yet you've already confronted your wife multiple times without evidence.

A different "fit" after pregnancy is not evidence.

We're talking evidence that would stand up in a court of law.

Do you want to follow the Marriage Builders plan from Dr. Harley, Hill? Or do you want to follow the hilltopper plan from hilltopper?

(Want to hear how badly things go when I follow the markos plan instead of the Marriage Builders plan from Dr. Harley? It's not a pretty sight!)

My wife requested that I tell you all verbatim what I said no doubt because it was preposterous in her eyes and assumed you'd all tell me I'm a jerk which I am. I don't know any of you however which is why I feel so free to speak my mind. I think that is in a way the beauty of learning in this format.

Something is off here with the sex part. The sex was great for both of us and my paranoia had little to do with the act itself. It was me reaching for things that just aren't there not expressing that any part about the sex at all performance or other existed.

My wife requested that I tell you all verbatim what I said no doubt because it was preposterous in her eyes and assumed you'd all tell me I'm a jerk which I am.

We are definitely more inclined to speak politely to each other and respectfully. We don't fight about anything other than our relationship. It is almost always me bringing something up, her firing back. I always pursue her to talk, I always want to fix things after a fight right away.

By the way my wife said she is never coming back here which bothers me.

She also acknowledged she got the card I wrote her but nothing further, guess she is still mad at me.

Yes I want to follow the plan and it kills me when I stray from it. Worse than that its like a "reset" with the progress we've made.

Hill, let's be honest, here:

After a fight, you'd like your wife to get over it. Who wouldn't?

If she's still feeling raw, and you've gotten over it, you'll be really tempted to try to set her straight. As little control as you have over your emotions, this desire is going to seep out of every crack, and she'll see it. It will not turn her on. It will disgust her. And rightly so, because who wants to live with a critic and a dictator?

Your desire to fix things sounds noble. Your desire to straighten her out doesn't sound so noble, does it?

Hill, you insulted her vagina.

A card does not make up for that. It is the START of making up for that. Show some follow through.

Hill, let's be honest, here:

After a fight, you'd like your wife to get over it. Who wouldn't?

If she's still feeling raw, and you've gotten over it, you'll be really tempted to try to set her straight. As little control as you have over your emotions, this desire is going to seep out of every crack, and she'll see it. It will not turn her on. It will disgust her. And rightly so, because who wants to live with a critic and a dictator?

Your desire to fix things sounds noble. Your desire to straighten her out doesn't sound so noble, does it?

I just want him to move past all this and start working on our marriage.