This is exactly why I think anonymously is better than nothing at all. Glad to see it won't be an issue here, good for you Sanity!

If the information had been made known to me anonymously, I doubt I would have believed it. The anonymous communication would have had to include some kind of proof, or I know I would have just tossed it.

You didn't know he was married or had a son while dating him? If that is the case you should use your name just in case she has more questions. You should answer those truthfully. I had no problem exposing to my whole world, so you shouldn't be scared to tell a stranger bw.

sanity,

Don't view this betrayed wife as a "stranger". She isn't, really. She is the woman who is betrayed by a man who chooses to lie to her, gaslight her, and cheat behind her back.

She is a woman, just like you, who is in love with the man she married.

She is a woman who needs you to be as truthful and honest with her about her life, because there is no one else to do that for her. Not even her husband.

She is a woman who has to face the truth of her life, and who deserves the most information she can have in order to do that. The information includes the name of the woman who has been her husband's affair partner. She has no truth right now, because the person who vowed to care for her has betrayed her. She lives in the dark.

It is up to you to shine the light on her life, because the only chance she has is to know everything. She is a woman who may wish to save her marriage, and she cannot do that

because


there are two people who know the truth

You

and her husband


and neither of them want to air their dirty laundry, completely, honestly, and openly...

so that this betrayed wife can make decisions with the truth before her and KNOWN to her

and

so that this woman can begin today in making the changes she may wish to make to her life - whether that means changing the marriage, herself, or leaving him.

She is not a stranger. She is a woman, just like you, with an awful truth to face.


The only difference is that she doesn't even know it.

There remains the question, "If not you, then who?". You already know what kind of man her husband is. You are the only one left - to give her the entire truth.

Her husband? He will lie to her. Because just as he threw you under the bus, he will also try to do the same with the truth.


She is not a stranger to you.
You know her name. She deserves to know yours.


BTW, I am proud that you made the decision you made, to tell her about the affair. It is not easy, but then again, when is doing the right thing ever easy?

You hang in there.


Schoolbus

Amen Schoolbus!

It is hard, but the route to happiness is never easy. This is one you can chalk up to being a "character builder".

One thing, in the future Sanity, if a man after quite sometimes, who is a grown adult with a job, refuses to take you to 1)meet his family after dating a long while or 2)refuses to take you to his home to show it to you and bring you inside, then I'd think he was probably married.

I had a friend who accidentally dated one but only went on 3 dates luckily. She caught him b/c he accidentally called her from his house line and it showed up on her caller id as a womans' name. It wasn't his cell phone or his office. She also told me she'd wondered how he had all the time gone out with his friends from his office but never invited her along. And she wondered why he never called her after 10 pm. ????

It's probably easy to listen to their excuses, but in the end, my friend picked up on his situation luckily after a dinner on their 3rd date.

YOU can do the right thing! You're a great person for being here and being open and trying to take the higher road. I know you're hurt, but you aren't the only woman this has happened too. My friend saw his number, called him back, and he answered. She asked who xxxxx was (name of woman on caller ID) and he said "somebody at work". She said "that's funny, she has the same last name as you". He said it was from work, and the office directory must be wrong. She told him the prefix (area code and first 3 digits after) were totally different than the office lines he called her from. She then looked it up online and whoa...it was their house.

She was super angry and cried for days after that, but it was because he lied so blatantly. My friend did leave a message on their voicemail from a payphone b/c she wanted his w to know what he was up to: no good!