Hi everyone,

My name is Jason and I just recently found out that my wife had an EA. We have had alot of problems for the last 3-4 years, we have been married for nearly 9. While I was in the Navy, I worked and she was a house wife. Things were going good for a long time. But eventually we started fighting about little things, but would never really resolve them. I would go onto the computer and play my games after our fights to take my mind of things. Eventually, it came to the point that I would get onto the computer all the time, hoping to avoid a fight. But this just started more, and we just couldn't seem to fix anything. After I got out of the Navy, she had to get a job and I had a string of job flops. Eventually, I started not notice changes. She was getting more independent of me, getting more friends and starting to hang out with them more. Come to find out, she was messing with a co-worker during their afternoon breaks and sometimes quickies after work. She told me about it when we were fighting and admitted my 2 year old daughter might not be mine. Fine, I can accept that because I have been her father since she was born. I�ve been there in the middle of the night, and when she gets sick. She told me the EA was just messing around a few times, but it had ended before she found out she was pregnant with my now 6 month old son. So, we decided to really work on our marriage and make this work. But her behavior started changing even more. I wanted her to go out with her friends, not to feel cooped up in the house with me and the kids. Then she wouldn�t leave her Iphone alone, it had to be with her at all times. She was constantly texting, and would even go into the bathroom or out by the pool to talk to her �friends.� She had never had a problem talking to her girlfriends while I was around before. Finally, my doubts got the better of me and I snooped in her phone. According to the texts in her phone, she was stilling messing around with her co-worker up until a MONTH ago and was trying to hook up with her best friend�s stepdad! And her best friend was trying to help it happen! I even found out she was sexting him while we were talking about fixing us! I tried to have some fun with her, and she said �not right now, I�m texting!� I knew something was really up then. I confronted her the next day, after it was supposed to happen. They couldn�t hook up because he was out of town until late and her friend wasn�t around to help cover for her. She admits she has a problem, but she still talks to this guy every day! She says they are only friends, and nothing more. She hasn�t been able to do anything, because she doesn�t go out anymore. But I don�t know if I can try and fix us while she�s still talking to him! I mean, she went out on me once and almost did it again! What gets me the most is that she lied straight to my face the whole time! Can I trust her ever again? Can I really live with them just being �friends,� when the possibility of it happening to me again will always be present??

Please use paragraphs.
It is so difficult to read without paragraphs.
Thanks.

Jason,
Welcome and sorry you have come here for advice, what I hear is that your wife is in an affair, EA probably PA. When people are in affairs they hide things, keep their phones close.....text non stop and take phone calls privately.......
I would tell her point blank that you love her but will not stay married to her while she continues to be involved with her OM.
Ask her to send a No Contact letter to him, you read it and then mail it together, you block all his numbers and emails........
If she refuses then ask her to leave and let her figure out which relationship she wants, whatever you do, don't move out yourself, you stay there with the children, let her leave........
Once you stop meeting her emotional needs she will feel what is like without her husband and her family........don't help her in anyway.......
This kind of things takes a while to fix but you can fix the marriage after something like this.......
I'm not a vet, they should be along shortly to give you lots of great advice. They will put a plan together for you............listen to them if you want to save your marriage.
in the meantime read all you can about breaking up the affair, exposure and Plan A and Plan B.........
jessi

Sorry you find yourself here. You cannot fix this unless she has complete no contact. Would she be willing to do that? Start reading the articles on this site as a beginning.