need some tech advice, can you have two apps mobistealth and mobilespy on the same phone, it seeem that mobil spy may work better on the droid, but i already have the other on it. ouch!

No idea, but there's a forum for tech questions. Maybe someone would know?

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=postlist&Board=71&page=1

One way to find out though

just an update, we are working on things, EP list was a non issue and is going ok, i really do feel more comfortable, not constantly looking over my shoulder, still looking but its not anxiety ridden, its more control. Working on feedback things on EN list with jennifer. spending alot of time together. little nervous, we have a family function this weekend (not mine), just nervous about seeing them, most know what happened. this is my first time seeing them. they are not the most supportive by nature and he was golden boy. they did reach out a few times, but half hearted attempts. thoughts?

Odds are they won't say anything if they didn't say anything when it would have counted.

They'd probably be relieved if you acted like nothing ever happened--you know the type--and it's probably not worth the effort trying to engage them on anything meaningful.

But that's ok, at least you know who you can and cannot count on. It's not a bad thing sometimes.

I agree!

Had a bad day yesterday, Its kind of hard to explain for me. We have been working very hard on the program and things are going well. But i kinda broke down yesterday, i am driving myself nuts with the spying stuff, and i dont like my behavior. I feel like i am a bit obsessed. I have all of his info and he even installed another phone watcher as part of his EP's. he has given me EVERYTHING! I am lucky i guess because i there is not this lingering relationship, when confrotnted it was over, there has been NO contact at all, he is actively doing the work, full committment to making this work.

but, i am the one who is kinda loosing it. And i dont know what triggered it. I just dont want to be the person that is a crazy checking up wife, and i mean the extreme kind, listen i will always be on the look out, but i have taken it to the extreme. I am feeling like the crazy teenage girl that i was when we started dating- i was a bit insecure at the time. It has taken me 20 years to get away from that insecurity- and i dont want to go back there, its not attractive- I am a successful, smart, attractive woman, who is behaving like a 16yr old jealous person. I am not displaying/taking any of this out on him in any way, this is all internal! Im just shaking, I did cry last night and i explained that i dont know who this person i am is and i dont like her, he started to cry and said "i have done this to you, my actions have made you like this and i am sorry, and what can i do to help you...." ( i thought pretty good for him). this is just me, is there a BS fog or something that you all can explain, and give me advice to help me get thru this.

I know i did not really go thru all of the stages of grief, i just started fixing... i dont know why i am feeling a bit icky.

Chickadee1

I hear you, I am the same way at times, it is just so hard to let go of the possibility that the same thing might happen again, but you have to just look at your husband's actions and learn to have a new view point of him and your marriage,
you said he is doing the work and to have him acknowledge his part in your stress is a good step, I would suggest being honest with him, let him help you........he feels badly about what he has put you through.....
Have you considered an AD to get you through, you are very early into this and I can say that over time the good will outweigh the bad and you will be able to relax.
I hear you when you say you don't like who you are now, I feel that way sometimes too, the whole situation just changes who we were and what we thought our lives were............It all seems so needless and pointless......
You cannot spin your wheels trying to make sense out of someone else's decisions, your logic side is looking for and answer, there just isn't one other than your husband lost his marbles for a while.........
You do seem to understand the whole situation for what it is so that is good, logic will rule over the emotions soon, give yourself time to process and just focus one day at a time, wake up each day and say this is a new marriage and what can I do to make it the one I want.........
Hang in there, vent here instead of at home.........
Stay positive, you are a successful, smart, attractive woman who is forced to live with a decision that wasn't hers, like anything else get a plan for yourself.......
jessi

Wow, it is strange how the time line is so much the same for everyone. I had d-day before you and I had these feelings about a month ago. I really felt like I lost it. I'm on AD's or it would have been worst. I kept looking when I needed to and I started to relax over time. I told my husband that I didnt think I was going to make it becuase I didnt like myself when I did all the snooping and he was very supportive and told me it will take time and he will do anything I need him to do to fix it.

I'm starting to slack off alittle on the snooping now but I still check his car at random times (he had the A phone) and still check the texts on our phones. I have never found anything so I'm slowly getting trust back.

Snooping recently killed the world's most notorious terrorist!
I'm in favor of snooping when you have a live-in-marriage-adultery-terrorist.



Think of it as "marriage insurance".
Put a GPS on his car.

Chickadee, the day will come when you won't feel the need to do so much checking. Right now you are feeling insecure - good for you to take care of yourself by snooping! Don't ever second-guess your need to care for yourself!

Read what you wrote again: you feel like the crazy teenage girl that you were when you started dating. Do you know why you were like that? Because you were falling in love with someone, and your mind was instructing you to make sure you were SAFE. Your mind is doing the same thing now.

For the first year or so after D-Day, if my H had stopped fast enough I would have run straight up his back. That's how closely I was tracking him! Do I apologize for that? NO WAY. I will do whatever it takes in order to feel SAFE. I am my own best friend. You need to be your own best friend as well.

thank you for all of your support and advice, ok i am not crazy.

How do i let him help me? Its all inside of me that i need to get clarity with, and you all are helping. i think that last night really threw him, bc he know he did it and he cant take it back. I am the tough one. He is definitley into the program and is really enjoying it and falling again.

My BBFMOM died 2 years ago as well as my hardly-father within 5mos of each other and at that time you would have thought i needed an AD, but i got thru it. this is different- you are right bit anxious but getting better- I think i am doing ok with venting here, a glass of wine and some very good empathetic generous friends. If it get worse i will.

marital- i like the way you think, this made me tear up a bit, you are right (again!). you just put it into a good perspective. just those teenage year stunk!

I actually, feel like i am also going to bang into him! I am also trying to not finish his sentences beacuse i already know thru my snooping- that stinks. I also stop myself from saying why didnt you take the other highway..... how would i know that... thats funny but bad.

really how often would you all check the keylogger, phone spy stuff & gps? its pretty easy for me since i am at a computer all day.

The only thing I regret about snooping in my teen years is that the internet didn't exist! It made the job of snooping my dates ever so much harder!

Check your spy tools when you feel you need to. I promise you that you will eventually find that you're reaching a point of diminishing returns and your snooping will lessen. That's when you'll know you're feeling safer.

In the beginning I kept the cell phone records at my desk and sifted through them until I had hundreds of calls and texts memorized. I could tell you the date and time of any particular call at that point. I checked my H's office emails probably 8 - 10 times a day. I checked his voice mails every night before I went to bed and every morning when I got up. I can't pinpoint exactly when this lessened but I think it was toward the end of the first year after D-Day.

Never quit snooping entirely, though. Always retain the right to snoop at any time. (Let's call it 'maintenance snooping' - how does that sound? ) You don't ever want to go back to that 100% trust business. What the heck were we thinking in the first place, trusting our spouses 100%??

Snooping is win-win, chicka.

When you don't find anything, you start to feel safer and trust starts to rebuild.

It's also good for your H to know that he is being watched. It holds him accountable for who he is talking to, etc and that's a good thing!

You just recently had multiple ddays. It sounds like you are being very hard and critical of yourself. We all snoop like crazy especially in the beginning. It will naturally start to decrease (as long as you don't find anything!)

{{chicka}}

Yeah, what Susie said.

I used to do the drive bys..... or pick up hang up, with no caller id....

Marital this is me! "In the beginning I kept the cell phone records at my desk and sifted through them until I had hundreds of calls and texts memorized. I could tell you the date and time of any particular call at that point. I checked my H's office emails probably 8 - 10 times a day. I checked his voice mails every night before I went to bed and every morning when I got up"

"It will naturally start to decrease (as long as you don't find anything!)"- god forbid- i cannot do this again, this took all of my reserve power.

thank you all for making me feel better, its not something you really want to admit to, they would lock me up thinking i was ocd, well maybe a bit....

Pepper- every time i read one of your posts- i crack up at the end, i love your tag line. esp when you are telling the harsh truth. and i read the C&S thread often.

Well i thank you all it seems that i have the pro's today and i do appreciate all of your advice and time, you all are really keeping me on track, sane, reassured, laughing... I am glad i posted as soon as i did.

Any upcoming potholes i should be looking forward too? I hate surprises (well now i do).

jennifer tonight so that should be good.

Everywhere. Recovery is just one thing after another.
Sorry, another "harsh truth".
Exercise your self care as often as necessary.

There is usually a huge "angry" pot hole around the 6-8 month time frame. Your milage may vary.


This makes YOU one smart chica, Chica.

Yeah, well I've got you beat Listen to this one:

So, this one time, when I was sixteen/seventeen, I kept trying to call this guy I was dating and I kept getting a busy signal. Well, I just KNEW he was talking to Linda! After about half an hour, I called the operator and told her she had to break into the line because there was an emergency (!) She did, he was indeed talking to Linda, I read him the riot act and hung up on him. Then...wait for it...the operator called me back and read ME the riot act, because she knew it wasn't an emergency! Obviously I had to remove that technique from my repertoire.

Remind me to never be an idiot teenager again...

Just keep your arms and legs inside the car until the ride comes to a complete stop. And keep checking as much as you feel you need to.

You are well on your way, sister. Good job!

Agree with Pep & mb. Very very wise decision. We used Steve a couple of years into R and I wish we just did it to begin with, the Harleys know how to keep your R on track!

ETA ~ btw, you are too funny, mb!

rrgh... is that anger going to come from me? may be i should go on AD now, so they kick in!

How about a drive by after the first date, and he lived on a dead end, which you couldnt tell until you were at the end and they were out playing basketball, and i had the only VW in town. not good.

marital that is BAD, cant say i hadnt through about doing it, but i though the police would get me.

We both like jennifer so that is good and she is keeping us on track, we do have homework to finish before the call. its very funny like we may get in trouble or something, well maybe him....

Again, THANK YOU FOR GETTING ME THRU ANOTHER HURDLE!!!

But OH! the shame!

so get this.. it have all the spy ware and i do my FIRST ok maybe second or third, but no more check of the day this afternoon, and there is a text that says "hey sexy baby, have a nice day" well needless to say i flipped my lid after throwing up in my mouth (kidding). so i call husband, he freaks i freak, and call the number as does he. its our 25yr old boy neighbor txting his girlfriend she is the next contact in the book. so now he has boys txting him too, no wonder why i am crazy.... no i can giggle but i was at the edge, see cant i catch a break.... his mom and i had a laugh.

jennifer was awesome