O.k, I have a question for the men.

What is the best way to turn a man down when they ask you out and you don't want to go?

I'm talking about the men I wouldn't want to date at all. I don't have a problem turning someone down if it's not convenient,and may want to go another time.

For the record, I am not going to date until after the divorce, but I've been asked out numerous times in the last few months, and again today.

I've been able to use the excuse that I'm married, so far. And later I can use the excuse that I'm not ready, but when I am ready, I need something ready. I have a hard time rejecting a guy, because I don't like hurting their feelings. I don't think I was great at it years ago before I was married either.

You know what, MJ? I think the best solution is the short, no-reason-needed reply:

A man of quality will be able to accept "no for an answer." If you get any pushback, then he's certainly not the kind of man you'd want to go out with anyway, and no further discussion is necessary.

I like that, and I think that would be sufficient for most men.

What do I say if they ask why I don't want to go out with them?

You don't owe them an explanation, MJ. That's what I meant about them not being the kind you'd want to go out with in the first place.

If pressed, you could always say, "I'm just not interested, thanks."

Rigorous honesty does not have to be brutal.

I'll second Fred's suggestions. A simple "no", is much better than "I just don't think I want..." blah blah, followed by avoidance. I almost went rebounding in early March, and this what I got from an individual. I know, I know..."Itsa, you know better". I'm human. Like Dr. H says, ANYONE can have an affair, if the circumstances are right.

Also, good on ya MJ for asking the question. Amazing how we never stop learning. Well, some of us.

Just saw this thread and of course I have my .02

Fred was completly right. Just Thanks but no thanks, but I am guessing your not talking about someone you know and have a relatioship/frendship thing going with them. I assume its like they saw you walked up and asked without any prior conversation.

Going with this, if you give the no thanks politly response, and they persist you should get insulted, because thats what they are doing, they are insulting you. You obviuosly don't know what you want or whats good for you. Of course that is thier problem, thier insecurity, thier fantasy, that they are imposing on you. So with this kind of guy it does not matter how you get rid of him. Tell him you have an STD, are a mob mall, whateva. JMO, but guys who do this are idiots.


But if its some guy at work, that you talk to, or some aquaintance that has shown you respect and is interested, maybe you might want to be a little more gentle on the let down. In that case the continued version of Freds suggestion of "not interested" could be followed up with why? "I'm just not attracted to you" should be sufficient. If not and they still persist to ask why well, lol, you do not have to answer, but you could, and then you don't want to let this poor pup pine away at night thinking he must change himself for you either, so I admit that is a tough one.

Maybe at that point it would be time to admit that he is not your type, you have allready decided that, and you would appreciate him not asking you anymore, because it is hurting what little relationship you have, and making you uncomfortable. Womans perogative.

Thats it, no means no.

So at that point if it persists well, time to call an authority, boss, brother, father or policeman. He has a problem, its not your problem, he needs to grow up.

Thank you Itsa and C.P. for sharing your thoughts on this as well. It sounds unanimous in how I should respond.

Funny this thread was revived today C.P. I had to tell someone today that I wasn't interested in dating him. Man, I hated that. I actually followed up after that sentence with "I hate telling you this, because it's hard for me". Why on earth do I have to be so sensitive to their feelings? Maybe it's because I know what rejection feels like? It can't be that easy to approach a girl, so I hate shooting them down, but I have to.

I'm really glad I asked you guys for advice, because I probably would have done this.....



Lol....thanks for pointing that out Itsa. I can see how that would be annoying.

It did take some courage to just be frank, and not beat around the bush. I think the simple "I'm not interested" is a lot less painful for the guy, and myself, than stretching out some looong explanation of why you're not interested.

I actually thought about what you guys said here on this thread while I was doing it. Thanks again for the advice.