Thank you HHH I will concentrate on my behaviors and not his. I will be the best wife in my marriage I can be.

EGG-ZAK-LEE

And if it turns out your H refuses to hop on and join you on the recovery MB bus ... you have taught yourself some valuable skills and picked up some awesome tools for the future.

You cannot lose by becoming the best wife possible.
You improve you.
That is "winning" .... just not Charlie Sheen style.

Ok Pep I'm coming up on my 30 days of cleaning up my side of the fence and I think I'm doing an ok job.

I did a pretty good job of giving him admiration daily and doing things that showed I loved him.

Things are getting better but a few things I struggle with, his openness and honesty. I don't know how we can accomplish this when he still won't be honest about his affairs. Also the XBabyMamas, still having to deal with all the communication between him and them.

I also feel my lovebank getting low because I'm starting to see him in a different light. If I can make myself better and live to higher standards am I bad to think why can't he step up?

So I guess my question is what if he never steps up?

Well just an update.
WH got a really good job here so he won't have to be deployed again. We went to a doctor apt and his doctor put him on meds for bi-polar disorder, this explains a ton. He is doing tons better with his anger and boundaries.

So I am looking into an anger management course and I'm still working on all my issues.

I still read here daily and keep on learning.

How are you?

I still have a lot of anger from his affairs and that he still won't be honest and so then I go backwards with controlling my anger.

Also I've been going through weird feelings. We are spending a lot of time and UA time and I find my love getting less for him. Is this normal?

I've been trying to take care of me.

What's normal?



BH, I have recently come out of grieving, and found that FWW's account has a HUGE deficit. What does that mean? It means that at this time, I'm not all doe-eyed and twitterpated.

Yeah, it sucks. But recovery can take 2 years minimum - and that is if you are putting 300% effort into it, meeting EN's, avoiding LB's, managing triggers.

It may be that your emotions are starting to settle, and the balance of things is being seen. You are reaching the actual starting line.

Yeah I think I know why I'm losing love in my LB for my H.

He has been complaining a lot about me on everything the way I drive to the way I walk. I know that a complaint in a good marriage is an opportunity to improve your marriage but it seems I can't do anything right.

So round and round we go.

Ok I really need some direction.

So my WH got a job at where I work so we go to work together and I have his work password and everything. So why do I have "that feeling"?

A friend of his died a few weeks ago and he reached out to his wife and she was emailing back and signing them XOXO. I sent an email sending my condolences and she never responded to mine. Well she called him and he told me about it and she just wanted to know some information on her husband.

So then we are driving into work tonight and we stop at a gas station and the clerk is hitting on him. I told him I don't feel safe in this marriage and that he has weak boundaries. He got real pissed at me and said I don't want to work here with you because you are too jealous and I said that is because you have weak boundaries and you don't make me feel safe. He says "see I tell you the truth and looks what happens". I did not have an AO or anything I just said I don't feel safe and that there are reasons I am jealous because you have poor boundaries

He got real mad at me.

I know I am working on my side and I have been I did have one AO last week.

I just am having all the anxiety again and it doesn't help that we are on graveyard shift and sleep isn't a good thing. Also that people have told me to watch out for a typical female coworker that is in his area.

So what am I doing wrong? I'm sure there are some 2X4 coming my way and please do because I have no one to talk to that understands.

Ok I really need some direction.

We were at his game tonight and this woman was there and she kept giving me dirty looks and my daughter asked me why does she keep staring at us. Well of course my WH says he doesn't know why or how she knew what team he was on. I told him you might as well tell me the truth because I will check the phone records. This is the same woman that he had tons of text right before he was deployed.

We go to leave the game and my truck has been keyed big time. I called the cops and filed a report and they are going to check the cameras. I can't check the phone records until tomorrow and he is trying to tell me he hasn't been in contact with her.

I see red flags all over and I'm really P.O'd.

What to do to keep my cool and play like I am not stupid?

wow Im sorry. I would be POd too. I hope they caught the person on camera.

Please, please I need someone's direction.

So I checked the phone records and he has been talking to the woman that came to the game and he has also been talking to another woman.

What do I do? He is lying about it and saying he isn't talking to them. I have the phone records. I called the lady of the deceased friend and she lied and said she didn't know what I was talking about.

I'm so upset right now and I'm sick to my stomach. I am at work right now and so is he. I can leave him and he would have no way home.

Please what do I do?

I am sorry I have to keep this short, but I have been wanting to comment on your thread for a while, was holding off until I could read the whole thing which I still haven't done yet but....

Here is what has stuck out to me from the first page from your signature line:


BrainHurts, are you sure you want to fight for this M? From the small part that I have read, in addition to have very poor boundaries, it doesn't sound like your H would be a good candidate for POJA and PORH which are essential ingredients for a happy M.

I think this man will drive you to a nervous breakdown if you don't protect yourself soon.

Hang in there... (((BrainHurts)))

Yeah I think I'm tired of fighting for this marriage and I am wore out.

His changes are not for the long run and it seems like he will never change his ways.

I've been doing everything to fix me and everything else is going awesome. I deserve someone who will protect our marriage and now I'm educated with the right tools. He wants to be with other women so he can go do it.

So last night he said again I'm sorry and it makes me sad that we get like this but when I think about how much you fight for our marriage that I realize how much you love me.

I said I need you to write no contact letters to these OW he said can we change my number and start new? I said how is that going to stop you from talking to other women?

Step it along. You have the conversation open, now brainstorm some EP's.

4+ affairs? Changing the number won't be nearly enough.

This is from Page 1 of this thread:

If he is motivated to start over, this is a great time to implement these changes, BrainHurts.

I agree. So if he won't implement EP like I have requested. Do I go to plan B or straight to Plan D?

Also I have to confess that I lost it when I saw the phone bill and he lied again and I pushed him at work of all places. I know I was wrong and I have no excuses.

Bh, you have been dealing with a wayward since (at least) you started posting here in Nov. This is not a healthy way to live. I blame your outburst on that, not on your ability to control yourself!

Oh, and if your H agrees to the EPs, please also make sure he sends out NC letters to the OW.

For now I would get ready to go to Plan B, while you decide whether you are ready for Plan D....

Thanks Susie Q
So I told him I can't live like this and he said he will not leave his house.

I guess I will have to look for a place for my DD and I to go. I do not have any family here and no friends with the room. I will look into those temp apt/hotel rooms.

I shouldn't need an IM.