After 7 months, I thought I was seeing the light. My W told me last week she couldn't live without me. On Sunday morning she called me to tell me that it was over with OM and she wanted to rebuild.<P>Last night we celebrated her birthday with friends. She arrived late to the restaurant, but was wearing her wedding ring and very loving. Afterwards, we went back to ou house (I have been living elsewhere since day 1). This morning we spent three hours talking and laughing in bed. And then...<P>On the kitchen counter was a present and a card from the OM. Apparently he was there the night before, and HE PROPOSED TO HER. <P>This afternoon, my W told me that she was unsure AGAIN. That she can't promise she won't see him again. That she doesn't know what she wants again. That she can't give me what I want (after three days of trying). That she wants to be left alone (although he is still there, though their relationship has cooled considerably in the past two months). <BR>She says that the problem is that she feels incomplete without me, that she feels she can't live without me, but wishes otherwise.<P>So what now? Back to Plan B again? When do I know that her promises carry any weight? How do I trust (she has done this so many times) that she is ready or able to give us the chance I desire? <P>I know that she will call me in a few days and tell me how much she loves me and wants to work it out. But I can't stand this back and forth business anymore. I want her but not the drama. <P>What do I do now?

Oh yuck Big Daddy!<P>I feel for you and know that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach that comes at the dip in the rollercoaster...<P>You have to realize that your W and the drama are a package deal at this point. And from reading your profile and seeing 3 affairs in 4 years of marriage - well, I'm sure there are some who have overcome as much or more - and if they are on this forum I hope they jump in here - but there are going to have to be major changes if you are to get to the marriage you want.<P>Yes - run don't walk back to Plan B. Don't come out until you are sure it is over with W and OM and has been for some time. Get into counseling for yourself, work on yourself, see if you can figure out your part in the relationship breakdown. And don't forget to breathe...<P>Good luck

Hi there,<BR>this reply isn't going to be much use to you sorry.<BR>I am only just starting out, been separated 4 weeks. H wanted a separation as soon as the affair was revealed. Talked last night with him and he wants the OW although things are a bit tradgic there at the mo.<BR>So all I really wanted to say was that thanks, I now see that I truely have a VERY long way to go. But that is good, no use pretending that we are somehow different and will get back together after a few days of talking.<BR>What the mind can believe, it can achieve - hard though when it needs two minds to achieve a marriage<BR>Best of luck<BR>God bless and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger