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#2503074 04/28/11 11:44 AM
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This seems to be the new buzz word or flavor of the times. It was an emotional affair. I can't decide if there's really any difference between that and the real deal. I know some of you will say of course there is but some might see my point.

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Emotional affair is the real deal. Much more entrenched than just a pure one night stand. Most physical affairs start as emotional affairs. We have had numerous waywards wives abandon their husbands and children to fly to meet/move in with an "emotional affair" with some loser she met on the internet.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I'm pretty sure I bursted the bubble rather early on one and am now in the process of doing the behind the scenes type work to make sure.

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Originally Posted by talkintime
This seems to be the new buzz word or flavor of the times. It was an emotional affair. I can't decide if there's really any difference between that and the real deal...


My wife's A started with texting, which led to them to "becoming friends" which led them to rewriting their marriage histories, which led to them to decide they were "soulmates," which led them to hotels to have sex to make sure the "emotional affair" was real.

Guess what? An emotional affair is the most deadly thing that can happen to marriages. It almost ended our 20 year marriage.


Last edited by Wisertoday; 04/28/11 12:06 PM.

Me: FBH (2010) and FWH (1996): 40
Her: FWW and FBW: 40

2011: In recovery

A's are merely chocolate-covered cancer lollipops.
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I think it's a nip it, make sure it's nip, keep making sure it's nipped, double check it, and make sure of your making sure ofs.

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A 3 time veteran of EA's. I can assure you its no different in my heart than a belly to belly A.
Talkintime maybe you better give the vets here your story. Seems you may need some help.


Divorced 11/5/2013
FXWW EA 2005/2008/2010
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I would say that when I was in my EA, it was as destructive to my marriage relationship with my husband as any physical affair. Here are some of the things I did during that affair, and how I think it impacted my marriage.


1. WORK RISKS: At work I spent lots of time trying to figure out how to get next to OM. He spent lots of time trying to figure out how to get next to me. At the time, I worked at a large facility where I had to test drive cars. OM would "help" me. We often would steal time together by meeting in a stock room and talking/kissing. Only when I was clear-headed did I realize the risk I took with that job! And to top it all off, I WAS THE MAIN INCOME at my house at the time, because my H was a college student. I was an idiot.

2. TIME INVESTED: I spent lots of time after work with him, during which time my daughter was in daycare. I would meet him in the park after work and we would talk about our "situation", talk of our "love", and then I would go and get my daughter to go home. I also spent lots of time while my H was in late classes meeting this OM at bars or restaurants, while my daughter was with a babysitter. I spent time away from my family, when I could have been BUILDING my marriage. I was using precious time with my daughter to see another man who was NOT the end-all be-all that I had worked my fantasy to be. I was an idiot.

3. EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT: I wasted time working on a relationship that carried so much drama! There was this strange effect on me, where I was locked in this self-imposed drama of "which way should I turn" and "should I leave my family", etc. That investment turned me into a witch who treated her husband like crap, and in truth, brought drama and a mess into the life of the OM and his wife. I was so self-absorbed I had absolutely no concern for others, just this stupid drama I CREATED. I was an idiot.

4. GUILT and LIES: Of course I felt guilty! I was a liar every single day. People suspected an affair, we lied about it. My husband knew he was being treated like a dog, and I kept on lying to him, telling him that HE was the one with the problem, HE didn't do enough for me, and HE needed to figure out how to repair our relationship. Looking back, I cannot believe I did this, but there I was, doing it, knowing it was wrong, and lying and placing guilt on my husband...all the while feeling guilty myself. I lied to the OM, too, telling him that my H was no good, that he did not love me or treat me like I should be treated, and on the other hand I also told the OM that I loved my H and had difficulty understanding why "I was in love with two men". OMG, I was such an idiot!

5. SELFISHNESS: I mentioned before that I was selfish. At one point, I told OM that I could not keep doing this, that I had a family. His response? "I have a family, too, you know!" It was a slap to the face, and actually was one of the only REAL things that happened between OM and myself. I was so absorbed in my OWN feelings and my OWN life, that here I was, supposedly so "in love" with this OM, and yet I had not once considered his feelings regarding his own family. I did not, for one moment, even give a single iota of thought to my husband's needs, my daughter's needs, or even to the needs of the person I was professing this "magical love" to. What kind of idiot was I?


A huge idiot.

A huge selfish lying witchy idiot.



So as a wayward wife in what was "only an emotional affair"


you can take my word to the bank.


There is no such thing as "only an emotional affair" that fails to damage a marriage.


Damage is unavoidable in ANY affair. Period.

Schoolbus


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
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Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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Schoolbus, Been there, done that! The object of my EA was on another coast. I would have left my family at the drop of a hat to fly and be with him. I just couldn't figure out how to do it undetected. I was an idiot, my husband developed an EA of his own and doesn't want me back. YES...an EA can destroy a family just as easily as a PA!


Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)

He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11

Recovering MB Online!


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Originally Posted by talkintime
I'm pretty sure I bursted the bubble rather early on one and am now in the process of doing the behind the scenes type work to make sure.


TT, I just finished reading your other thread and then see this one. It helps to have just one thread so everyone can see the whole story and train of events.

I honestly don't see that you have done anything to "burst the bubble". I wonder if you have only driven it further underground. The keylogger will be huge in this event. Get the evidence and come back here for advice. We have been there.

I also got the just friends story and was in denial for a long time. I needed someone to knock some sense into me.

You are in good hands here. Keep posting.


ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

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Originally Posted by talkintime
I'm pretty sure I bursted the bubble rather early on one and am now in the process of doing the behind the scenes type work to make sure.

I don't really see that the bubble has been burst. Without exposure this can easily proceed and just go further underground. Have you spoken to the OM's wife? That is the first step I would take if I were you. Get with her and compare notes. She can be your greatest ally.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Wisertoday
Guess what? An emotional affair is the most deadly thing that can happen to marriages. It almost ended our 20 year marriage.

Guess what? An emotional affair helped to end our 20 years of marriage. We are in the divorce process now. My wife changed dramatically after having an emotional affair with a guy who lived 1500 miles away and she hadn't seen in over 40 years.
There is no doubt an affair doesn't have to be physical to ruin a marriage - I'm living proof.

Be wary, my friend.

Linus


Me: BH 60 - Married 21 years
ExW had an EA beginning 09/09 (Facebook)
After a few false recoveries, I filed for D 05/11
D final 03/12

'Be Mindful of Your Many Blessings and Endeavor Daily to be Worthy of Them'
Jay Severin

'Life is a gift and it offers each of us the privilege, the opportunity and the responsibility to give something back by becoming something more'
Tony Robbins
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Oh, let me say this: I told my H that the OM was just my friend


a thousand times.



I LIED.



That was only one of the lies. Can I count the rest? Probably not.


I was a wayward wife.


I was an idiot.


AND I WAS A LIAR.


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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Same pattern with my WXW. She started an EA with some dude she met on the internet who literally lived 10,000 miles away. EAs are just as big a threat to your marriage as a PA. An affair is an affair. Her EA (which ultimately became physical), ended our 15 year marriage despite efforts to kill it.

Listen to Melody and the others. Take action.


-SOL

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