Progress is being made, but how do I make him feel confident enough to loosen up and not be so impatient.

Progress is being made, but how do I make him feel confident enough to loosen up and not be so impatient. Part of me now knows that it is totally important to give him contact every night whether it be the couch, kissing. hugging etc ... And part of me gets confused by his impatience. Trust me I'm working on his EN's. Quality UA time seems to be the right answer, right?

I mentioned it to your hubby to mention to you .. but I figured I should just mention it. Have you considered the herbal supplement "Maca Root" ?? Its got so many benifits that my wife was very skeptical about it when i first mentioned it. She gave it a shot anyhow thining .. "what do i have to lose?" So with her skeptical mind set .. she started maca ... after about 5 days she noticed a signifigant change in her energy levels .. and it had reduced her stress levels alot. IT also helped her libido. Maca root is a natural hormone balancer. I use maca root aswell because it reduces my recovery time on workouts and gives me extra energy. I also think my own horomones were out of wack and maca helped balance them back out again. I beleve i was producing too much testosterone and maca helped restore my bodies natural balance. Maca provides the natural ingredients to supply and balance your endrocine system. So regardless if your system is exausted or over producing, it allows your body to sort all that out and give you what you need. Take note it does NOT add ANY horomones to you at all ... it only allows your body to produce what is needed. Its been VERY effective.

Do some research on it .. its great! My wife will not be without it now since it has had such a large impact on her well being and her energy levels and it reduced my over producing testosterone lol.

Anyhow .. i mention Maca alot. But only because my wife and I are happy customers.

Oh and get the pill form of maca if you do, its got the starches removed from it (its a radish/potato type veggi from peru) so you only get the medicinal aspects out of it and not the starches.

BTW Great job on your previous EN meeting nights.. and your hubby SHOULD let you rest and not expect SF everynight, but maybe every other night or every 3rd night or something. You guys are doing great, just gotta watch the DJ's and the SD's and AO's, but with practice that will get easier!

MNG

If you want to make him feel confident, then avoid Love Busting him, and don't make excuses to not meet his needs.


As far as his impatience?

Working on that...

ONce his LB$ balance is higher up he will feel WAY less "edgy". I was in his shoes once .. and when you get a little bit of EN of course you want more! I wanted my LB$ balance for my wife to be as high up as it could go in one day! The reality is that it wont be that way. IT will take a while of CONSISTANT EN meetings on both parts for that feeling of "edgyness" or "insecurity" to go away. It will over time ... so patiance is the key here and consistancy with the EN's.

Its like eating for example. You know your going to be hungry at noon .. so you prepare for lunch at 11:30 in anticipation of your hunger. Same with ENs. If your fed before your hungry then you will never go hungry! But if you miss your lunch and have to wait til dinner .. or even wait til the next day .. your going to be grouchy from lack of food! EN's follw that same rule ... at least from my experience.

MNG

Try laying off the coffee! I love it, but I had no idea how much it affected me until I went without for three weeks--no caffeine at all, in anything. First time I had a cup after that, I couldn't fall asleep that night, it was weird. You shouldn't be stimulating the baby with it anyway.

Slow down your days so you have some energy for your H, too.

Another bit of communication advice for you, grace: when you're talking to Hill, try using "I statements", ie: I am tired because I stayed up too late last night. I am worn out because I did so much with the kids today. Just try it.

Yeah, I've been on decaf since I got prego. I found out I really just love the taste. Now on rare occasion I will have a half and half mixture.

Last night I thought I used the "I statements" about staying up too late and that baby got shots. To be honest I'm not sure what happened. I know this morning I told him that again during our argument. He doesn't like it because he feels like everything I say is an excuse and that I blamed him for staying up late.

In my mind I'm trying to just give an explanation, but to him it's blaming. I'm trying to rethink or figure out somehow I can make different statements and avoid any blame game. He told me the blame thing really bugs him and I'm trying to think how to reapproach. Staying up late is fun, but I pay for it the next day when I'm running around with the kids, playing with them and also just physically.

Hm. Maybe try not explaining? I don't know, it seems kind of cold and matter-of-fact, but maybe that will help de-sensitize him to the point where you can have pleasant conversation.

"I'm tired."

"I'm sleepy."

"I want to have sex."

Or try asking him, something like: "I'm tired. Would you like to hear why?"

"I'm frustrated. Would you like to hear why?"

"I want to have sex. Would you like to hear why?"

I KNOW he wants to talk with you, so maybe inviting him to hear the explanation will be more welcomed than thrusting it on him.

Other people have stated that the "I" statement approach seemed weird.

What I want you to think about here is your intention in using them;

"In my mind, I am just trying to give an explanation..."

Be careful with that, as this can easily tread into DJ territory.

The "I" statements should quantify your feelings, or your reactions, but not so much your thoughts. Honestly, you shouldn't have to explain your feelings. After all, they are your feelings.

Try to avoid any "but" in these things. "But" is where blame and/or justification come into play.

"I love staying up late with you, and it makes me really tired the next day. I would love to have more energy when we spend our time together, can we PoJA something earlier tomorrow?"

Remember to not engage in the arguments - even if you are the one to start it, PAY ATTENTION. If you find yourself getting irritated or angry, end the conversation;

"I no longer feel this conversation is safe, we can continue the discussion at another time."

GJ.

We don't really think about "but" at first.

Think about it, though. Even if you start with something NICE, adding but... cancels that out.

"I love it that you cooked dinner for me, but I don't like what you cooked!"

Um, the first part of the statement is uttered completely irrelevant by everything following "but."

It's a modifier to say; not good enough.

Affection can be easily started with a "hi, honey. I'm glad you're home." Then throw in a kiss and hug. Do walk bys where you run his hand over his shoulder, randomly give him a hug, etc. The longer you do this, the more of a habit it will become.

Someone please HELP!

I have no idea what my husband wants from me in the sense of affection. I stayed extremely calm this morning and held in my AO and an emotional breakdown.

Without giving a run by run play. We had a great night. I showed him affection verbally and physically cuddled. We went to bed early. And this morning he expressed his feelings (great on his part, I've asked for that) on lack of affection on my part. But by 9:15 he told me I hadn't shown him affection yet!!! So I kissed him, but really inside I was dying thinking "give me a chance." We have just fed the kids,I skipped my run, I took the baby down so he could sleep in (different kind of affection). I asked him to write a specific list of needs he wants in the AM, afternoon and PM because I feel like he is getting affection and I don't know what he wants. It's a process and I working on it. I told him I was going upstairs to shower because we needed a break.

He bought me soo many nice things yesterday and put in an effort. I kissed him and thanked him. This morning he told me he never wants to do nice things for me again. I stayed calm and told him I liked these things, but his expectations on affection, I'm clueless.

When I came downstairs he still hadn't made me a list and man is he pissed off. He says I lack effort and he is trying so much harder. I get that it needs to be constant, but I am at a lack of words. I asked him if he had made the list, nope. I asked him to please make this list and then if I fail to understand and meet these things it is a lack of effort. I need specifics because I am confused.

Please give me on advice on how to handle this day and my husband.I feel like I'm going insane and diffusing the fight right now. Today looks ugly and I want to reverse this. He's in the shower now so please advice ASAP