I have to agree with the others about this alleged "addiction". From the little I know about the subject, cocaine is a rich man's drug and if she were addicted you would most definitely see the money flowing out. Highly doubtful that OM would be giving it to her free for two years if she has an addiction. I think the scenario that Schtoop painted is probably closer to the truth.

Also, a cocaine addiction would not be easy to hide and it wouldn't be surprising when it was revealed. There would be obvious signs of addiction v. occasional usage. There are functional cokeheads but not for long term. When coke gets too expensive, they usually move to a cheaper high like rock cocaine, crystal meth, speed pills, etc.

With this class of drug there are significant behavior changes as well.

Anyways, that's the limit of my knowledge-- never having been addicted myself but having been around people who were.

Well I am back.

Yes there was cocaine involved. She was tested for work and they found cocaine. She went through rehab. She had a secret account that she got the money from her dad of over $10,000.

I pushed for intensive in house rehab, they decided an out patient treatment for 2 days a week for 6 weeks.

Well 7 weeks ago she moved out. Went to live in a womens shelter. She then lost her job to a positive drug test. She has since been back in contact with the scumbag. Now that she has no job, probably cant stay in a shelter for ever, still wants cocaine, she is probably shacked up with him, using and having sex with him.

She is still my wife.

Oh by the way there was more to the story. There is still more to the story. She is a lost soul. Her mind is a mess, she can't think or talk straight.

It is so sad.

I am still a mess, still on my mind 24 hours a day. It is now worse that she is gone because now I have to deal with that the fact that it is currently happening.

to answer the question of sex fro the cocaine, yes she would give him oral sex when she didn't have the money. When she had the money she wouldn't do it anymore but then he wouldn't go get it until she did.

To this day she still says it was never more then oral sex and that is was only because she wanted the cocaine.

Dynamow! I am so sorry to hear all of this! Her addiction is destroying lives - including yours. Is that what you want?

She doesn't even know what the truth is.

The truth is all I wanted from the start, never got it. Had to beg for everybit of info. She never wanted to quit, She is addicted to cocaine and it has a hold on her.

Thanks Gack for not believing in what I was saying. You chased me away from here, maybe I could of got some good info to help me in the last year.

no that is not want I want. All I want is some mental peace.

I am actually in a worse place today then I was 10 1/2 months ago.

I am tired, just so tired of it all.

Then you need to get away from this woman. She is an addict who has chosen to remain unwell. Don't stay in this toxic situation.

I'm sorry.

I am out of it physically. I am not out of it mentally.

There's really no magic bullet, DynaMow. I wish there were for you. You need to protect yourself first, you know that, right? There will be people in our lives who don't have our best wishes in mind. You know that these people serve no purpose for us that is good.

You have two children, right? Are they still with you? They, and you, are your priorities right now. Let chemical addiction specialists help your WW.

Yes I have my two children!!!! There is no other way that I would have it, EVER!!!!!

I know everything you say is true and right.

But how do you make up your mind? How do you just let things go?

I am a VERY emotional guy. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am somebody that holds on to things too long in the first place.

I went to bed last night, in the bed she and I slept in for many years, alone. Then having to lay there thinking that my wife, MY WIFE, is laying in his bed. That is very hard for me.

HE STOLE MY WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if somebody steals my lawn mower, or my snow blower I could call the police and there is a crime.

He stole my wife and there is nothing anybody can do about it.

DM, I am so sorry for you and your children. My suggestion would be to file for divorce and get legal protection for you and your family. Your wife is gone. It is much better that she is out of the house and not there so you have a front row seat to her destruction.

DM: I cannot imagine your pain though I have had some of my own. What I really do know is that you will not feel like you do right now forever. It will seem like you will but you will not always feel that way.
Now, being told that the pain will reduce itself in time won't make you feel better. I know that too.
I know the pain of 24 hour a day hyper-vigilence, flashbacks, Should-haves, What-if's and wishes it were not this way.
I am proud that you are in your home. I am proud that you can admit the pain of your situation. You are not denying reality. I know also that I like you have a heart sitting on my sleeve. You can be proud that you have love like that. Ultimately that love needs to be turned towards you for a while. You deserve so much more love than life has given you right now.
Just know that people are here for you and that this is not your fault....
ML's advice is worthy of your highest consideration as it targets the harsh reality of your situation but lovingly protects your family.

Blessings and prayers for you today.
Hurting Turkey
ME: BH age 56 Recovering Verbal Abuser
SHE:WW age 49
Married 13 years
Hers: 22 and 18 years
Mine: 30, 28 and 22 years
Ours: 11 years
She still won't admit A # 2 despite overwhelming evidence
Considered Plan B but was told not to by Steve H. since A is over
to hang on to Plan A. Grateful for the people on this board (even though they tire of telling me what I don't want to hear!)