That sounds much better! And shame shame shame on his father and mother for not speaking to their son! They are doing nothing more than avoiding conflict, at your expense and the expsense of their son. They should be talking to him and calling up the OW and running her off.

I would simply write in the Plan B letter that you expect him to continue to pay the bills as before. But I would encourage you to file for divorce now so that you do have legal protection. You would have protection and your H would get a much needed wake up call. He does not believe you will do anything to stop him and this will tell him that you will.

Are you in TX? Where is your family in all this?

Also, apply for and get your own credit card in only your name now too. It will come in handy.

If you can squirrel away a few dollars that only you have access to, do so.

Sit down with WH and look over financial stuff but don't tip your hat that you are exiling him to plan B when you do so. Do so to get a clear picture for yourself of the finances. Print notes for your own info of where you are at. It can be a Plan
A date of sorts. A bonding situation. Common good. Team of funds. Don't get pissy during the activity. Just absorb info and smile.

I also suggest you start keeping a record of every dime you spend for your own knowledge of where the money comes and goes.

Madison, you don't want to get into a position where you are fighting about support and you can't negotiate with a terrorist who does not have your best interest in mind. Let him know how much you need in support and tell him you will expect him to pay that amount. When you send him the Plan B letter, put that in the letter, that you expect him to continue to deposit XXX amount in your bank account every month.

He likely won't do that unless you file, though.

I am in New Jersey. My family is in another country so I'm all by myself. Luckily I have stable income and some good friends.

Miss my family support

I have my own credit cards - H is using a joint card under my name. I also have a personal bank account. All of our savings are now under my name.

I don't quite understand what you said about "..plan A date of sorts. a bonding situation..". Could you explain more?

Melody, I think so too. I will try to talk to him this weekend on visitation and financial arrangements. But once I apply NC, he will try to punish me... cutting $$.

I have 2 options: 1) file, 2) use our savings to pay for joint exp. The lawyer says both options will work.

You should file for divorce and get legal protection in place. It doesn't help him one bit to protect him from the consequences of the affair. Holding him accountable helps you ALL. Go listen to Dr Harley's show from Friday, he tells a woman in a similar situation she needs to file for divorce.

Melody, the lawyer showed me all financial calculations for NJ. Once we get divorced, I will receive very little alimony and child support due to our short marriage duration and income variance.

H is paying much much more than the law requires.

Also, when I found out about the A, H already spent $20-30K on OW. Although our savings are under my name now, the lawyer says I can't make justice by moving some $ into my own account. When we get divorced, the judge won't go back 1.5 years ago to track H's exp on OW. That $ is gone. I'm in a lose-lose financial situation.

Get wh off your credit card now (my xwh ran one up that was an account primarily in my name). Trust me.

I would file because a wayward is unstable, and he is paying for THE AFFAIR along with your expenses, and the affair, skank ho ow, wants his $ for their affair, so the w and child always gets the short end of the straw unelss you get a court order and you hold his feet to the fire (went thru this too).

Btw, your wh is probably coming over to visit the baby b/c the skanky ow has told him he has to, or else it will look bad to the courts and he'll get less visitation.

I would start off by going plan B and file for D, and apply for SOLE CUSTODY of the baby, because H is in active affair, acting immorally and that he has ABANDONED the family basically. He left, lives elsewhere, and is in sin, living with a very young and immature ow.

If it were me, I'd have my attorney also search the immediate family of ow and especially the ow's background(s). You might find something REALLY interesting and criminal with could also seal that he never gets custody.

Having a bleak outlook for the future, makes alot of these crazy fantasy affairs fall apart. It won't last anyway, and you'd be doing him a great favor. One he isn't capable of understanding right now.

fight for your child and for what is right. A wayward who has abandoned the family home is just like a terrorist. Mel is right! How on earth could you EVER think a liar and a man who has conspired against you with the ow would simply be fair and do a fair and decent division of assets ever?

It doesn't happen. Waywards have their inner "taker" running wild! They do not understand anything at all unless it affects them, and how you describe your wh, is reminiscent of how my xwh is. He is a sociopath. And they definitely do not care for the feelings of others, or of even his own baby. So YOU stand up and do the right thing!

[/quote]

I have my own credit cards - H is using a joint card under my name. I also have a personal bank account. All of our savings are now under my name.

I don't quite understand what you said about "..plan A date of sorts. a bonding situation..". Could you explain more?[/quote]

Yay that you have a handle on your own credit and the savings! I meant about the plan A date that while in contact with your WH, before implementing plan B, you deposit all the emotional needs of his possible. Many men have admiration (for his financial support) and domestic support as two of them and sitting and going over finances as a couple could add some nice love bank deposits to your account in his love bank. You want to deposit as many as possible before you shut the door to him being in contact with you.

Peach, Interesting because I think H might be a sociopath, the way he usuall treats others. OW is under his control so he's all over her now.

He's not living with OW right now but might move in together after I plan B. He loves our baby but won't fight for her. He wants his freedom with ow so custody wo'nt be an issue.

Ow just came here almost 2 years from the Philippines. young and totally dependent on H for everything.

I truly believe filing D is final for us. No point of return. I know it for sure. That's why it's holding me back.

If possible, tell me more on the court order once I file. Will they lock our accounts until everything is final?

[quote=You should file for divorce and get legal protection in place. It doesn't help him one bit to protect him from the consequences of the affair. Holding him accountable helps you ALL. Go listen to Dr Harley's show from Friday, he tells a woman in a similar situation she needs to file for divorce. [/quote]

How can I listen to the show? any link?

I hear you. H loves to be "appreciated" and hates harmer. I will try to have a civil talk with him... but once I go plan B, he will go off and think punishment...

To this day, he blames me for everything - neglecting him leading to the A, refusing to "date/reconnect with" him during separation (while he continues with ow)... I can do no right...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/mb2.cfm?recno=12

scroll down on the left column and hit

rebroadcast

and it will download Friday's show.

That show is available rebroadcasted til Monday mid day.

Thanks. I've listened to the Friday's show. I need to do plan B and yes, it's way overdue.

I will try to reason with him on visitation and finances first and go dark plan B. If he breaks the financial or visitation agreement, I will file.

During plan B, I will try to learn to let go of him, let go of my little hope.

Everything happens for a reason and perhaps, ow is doing me a favor of taking him out of my life...

4

Yes, I understand this. But you are headed to divorce NOW and will have no legal protection whatsoever. My suggestion is to file, get legal protection in place, and then DRAG it out as long as you can. You won't stay married this way. He will eventually divorce you for the OW.

Unless your goal is to remain a kept woman for life? Is that your goal? How long will you remain married to him under these conditions?

But you wont' know this because you won't be in contact. And I am sure he will be angry. Most WS's do not like losing control of their BS's and become furious when contact is cut off.


That is fogbabble and means nothing.

A kept woman? Never Melody.

Now I'm so doubtful if I really want him back - the damage is done and too overwhelming. I wish I am fighting with OW, but no, I'm fighting with H and he ALWAYS has to win. For his whole life, he's always the winner.

I wish to know for sure divorce is the way to go, final, no hope, no return. Then I would sit with H and try to make the whole process as peaceful and beneficial to me as possible. With H, making him feel guilty will do the trick (being cooperative and "generous"), fighting with him will only cause him fighting back and harder.

For me, plan B is the last attempt to save the M. Should I just let go of this hope and divorce once for all?

Madison, did you ever expose this to the OW family??

My mother is Filipino and the cultural differences are staggering. There is a great chance that if her family knew he was still married with a baby they would use their influence to end this A and he WOULD NOT be accepted in the family.