Really?
What a piece of work.

Aw come on give her a break. I didn't think her post meant harm. I tend to not trust some newbies, but not sure "shame on you" is warranted (yet).

I am extremely hesitant to give a break to any poster who waltzes in here and starts advocating for divorce, ESPECIALLY when they are new to the site, clearly unversed in Marriage Builders concepts and principles, and utterly convinced that affairages last happily ever after....

Sorry, perhaps I'm overly sensitive. Perhaps CP is right, swans, and you "meant well." However, "meaning well" is no excuse for bad advice that runs counter to the principles of this site and the professed aim of the poster to whom such advice was delivered.

After I made my own monumental mistakes, I have very little tolerance for this sort of stuff. It's playing with fire.

swans, please read and educate yourself about Dr. Harley's concepts and the Marriage Builders program. It really is a solid piece of work, grounded in experience and education, (as Dr. H got a PhD in psychology), and has so much to offer.

Agree w/Mrs. Vanilla.

You should not come here and spout something counter to the spirit of the thread or the decisions of the poster, esp one who has developed their plan according to MB way.

I read her original posts, and although she seems sincere, she does seem somewhat foggy about the nature of love and passion. A very peaceful seeming person albiet.

Swans, it like you wandered into a doctors office, and then found yourself in the operating room, trying to help, without learning the tools, or understanding the sickness.

Sorry but now your in with the big dogs, and we all have to lift our leg high to pee with them.

No personal insult to you. I know you meant well, but its not over yet, and encourgaing her to move on will not help her family, therefore Scotty.

Time?
What is time?
It is kind of elusive. It is relative to other things.
A long time to one person is not the same quality of time to another.
YK?

Thank you Swans.

Also, thank you to the rest of you who came to my defense. I am truly touched and honoured. You are some AMAZING people.

I was thinking about something Pep posted(geez, will you ever let me rest people? HEHEHEHE). When you said that I was polite when I accepted the compliment, I realized that all of those times, throughout my life, when I DIDN'T accept a compliment, I was being RUDE. I actually wanted to go to all of those people and apologize. I feel real remorse for that. And, honestly, Bampot was one of those people. He used to compliment me ALL of the time, and I would dismiss his compliments, and even talk poorly about myself after the dismissal. What a horribly rude thing for me to do.

I apologize profusely to all who can read this, whose compliments I didn't accept. I am eternally sorry for what I have done. I vow to become better at accepting compliments. Even when I feel unworthy of the compliment, I will accept it graciously. Thank you.


Swans, again to you, my wish is that you will learn something from this site to help you in your own life and the lives of people around you. Thank you.

Hey, wait a second...

Just saw this in your sigline Scotty

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU

Read the fine print everyone...Lol

Ms. Scotty,

May I ask you a question? My WH separated from me in Sept'10 in order to legitamize he living with POSOW. He is still deployed and I have done everything to kill the affair (filed adultery charges against them in the military, told all their commanders, our friends, his friends, and threatned to depose her when she returns, etc.)

Today I am in a dark Plan B to regain myself, and I have four small children that need me healthy.

My WH is currently deployed to his home country (naturalized citizen) and his mom is meeting many of the needs that I usually did for him when he is in the States. My take on his A is the POSOW used my WH to get what she needed from him while in his home country (i.e. he was the best looking man available, our marriage was rocky, he had the apartment connection, he paid for things for her, she used his car, etc...) Everyone I speak with that knows her at the Army base says she is a stuck up snot and they cannot believe my WH would do this with her. He was in the right place at the wrong time. By what I learn of her she likes to use men for what she needs and I know when they return Northern Virginia will have many more men (w/o my WH baggage) that she can leach on (God I hope!!!)

Of course her body is great and my WH is a very shallow man. With all this being said, I have deep hope that when they all return from deployment Ms. POSOW will likely dump my husband because of several factors

1) In July he starts paying me 1/2 his salary for CS
2) He is going into the poor house super quick
3) He will barely be able to afford an apartment
4) I got her in a lot of trouble by filing adultery charges against them in the military.

I want to wait for my WH to fall because I think once she dumps him then he will need me for his EN's. We had 15 years together, four kids, and he literally just walked away in September. Not even one finger lifted from him to work on the marriage. I know from Dr. H and (Pepperband) a man in this state will feel his decisions one day.

I was thinking (actually threatned as part of my killing the affair) to file for divorce based on adultery. My game plan was just so I could depose the both of them and really make her life hell. My real goal is to only have her dump him so maybe he will come out of his dung fog.

I have four very small children and the greatest gift I can give them is to have their family whole. I know my WH well, and I met many of his EN's I just didn't meet #1 (Physical appearance) which by the time we see each other in September (CS hearing) I will be the wife of his youth.

I want to hold out hope without looking like a crazy lady in denial, but I really feel drawn to wait for him. Even if he divorces me I know within two year there will be one moment of opportunity to reconcile especially if look like the wife of his youth.

I depleted his bank by showing him I loved myself little by letting my health go. Today I am running, losing the weight, and managing four small kids with a full time job. I know when he sees that change his bank will have many deposits.

I feel drawn to you because you are also holding out hope. Should I go down the path of adultery by divorce in order to still try and kill the affair, or should I just wait it out and let him file? I am trying to see if there is a way to depose her without filing. I will speak with my lawyer on Friday about this.

Do you sometimes feel GOD giving you that act of patience? I often feel waiting for my WH is what GOD in my heart is saying. He is giving me the strength to find peace, calmness, and hope that my marriage can still be reconciled. Which is what I truly want for myself and my four babies.

Any advice?

I did.
Break's over.
Back to work.

You said earlier:


Then you said:


This is important.
For all of us Scotty fans.

When we stick with what "feels comfortable" we are going to be wrong, many times. Not always.

"COMFORT" can be maintained in lazy ways.
Sitting on the couch eating a bag of chips is comfortable.


Be proud of yourself Scotty.
You've just learned something monumental.

Doing something because it makes us feel comfortable, or NOT doing things because it makes us uncomfortable is a poor way to make choices.

Comfort, or lack of comfort, is useful only when it is linked to and upholds our values/integrity.

Ask ourselves:
"Am I choosing this because it is the right thing to do? Or am I choosing this because it makes me comfortable?"
Pass it on !

Love you gurly

Right back atcha.

You might think this conversation is helping you. (I am OK with helping you, that's not the point)
It is helping ME!
Today.
Right now.

I am stunned to think of how often relying on "comfort" has not been useful to ME.

In particular with some of the current choices I am being forced to face.

Dang!
Thanks for allowing me to use YOU Scotty !

LOL

Use away friend. It is my pleasure to be of some service to you. It's my way of paying back.

There actually was a line in HP Order of the Phoenix where Dumbledore says something about doing what's right, and doing what's easy. My DS10 even mentioned it, and now I believe he thinks about it daily. He even talked about Bampot and how he isn't doing what's right, so it must be easy. What a smart young man I have.

Wow.
Awesome.

Scary how much our kids learn watching their parents.

I feel like I am watching that old TV show "Kung Fu" except I can't tell which of you is the "grasshopper", lol