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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 275
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 275 |
When your spouse says I love you but I dont care anymore if I make you mad is this the same as I love you but I'm not in love with you?
I seem to be fixated on this concept bc my WH has said this to me.
Last edited by HavingFaith; 05/02/11 09:54 AM. Reason: poor grammer
BS-me 40y
FWH-41y
DDay-11-30-06
DS-18y
DS-12y
DS-6y
Married December 1992
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352 |
"I love you but I don't care anymore if I make you mad" = "I don't believe I'm in love with you anymore, but haven't the courage to say it just that way."
"Love" would imply caring for the other's well being and happiness. The statement above asserts "apathy", not "care".
Not that you asked, but your husband is a gutless conflict-avoider.
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 3,786
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 3,786 |
Conflict Avoiders can fall on the same emotional level of those without empathy.
If you WH doesn't care if it makes you mad, there are only two solutions: fix what is making him mad, or try and find a negotiated solution.
What exactly is making him mad at you? He may be projecting anger towards you because you are making him accountable for something he doesn't want to take responsibility for at the moment.
It could also suggest there is something you are doing without realizing that is angering him and building resentment.
Find out the root of the anger and if it is you then negotiate a solution with him. If it truly is him and he is projecting then you may want to try and negotiate it so he may also work to change.
If the anger is building from him something drastically has to change immediately between the both of you. Maybe redo the EN questionaire in order to make sure you are still meeting his needs, and you may also want to up your UA time together.
God Bless!
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 275
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 275 |
funny you use the word apathy... that is what he said he feels for me... I have a long thread on recovery... it is true he avoids conflict...
what I have asked is cut back work hours and firm up boundaries...this has been an issue for about a month... and he sprung this on me and I only come home for the kids... to moving out...
yes he's been angry for a while... he admits this, avoidance at home, and mindset for another affair hours before we sit down and tell kids...
thanks
BS-me 40y
FWH-41y
DDay-11-30-06
DS-18y
DS-12y
DS-6y
Married December 1992
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
When your spouse says I love you but The "but" cancels the love.
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