waytardz suck. plain and simple. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{SCOTTY}}}}}}}}}}}}

Wayturds DO suck. But what else is new Scotty? Yes they're seeking legitimacy. Acceptance. It is so obvious that is what they do, but realize this (posted about this recently) that there is an integral part that is absent from when you hijack a marriage and the ws goes to be with a skanky ow or om. That would be the natural cycle of a relationship being interrupted.

You see, most m's where there is an affair isn't b/c the marriage was bad, it was b/c the spouse let their guard down and became selfish, letting the taker overtake them basically, and had awful boundaries.

That being said, if the ws doesn't end the affair and leaves the M for the affair, it runs on the fumes of hormones and it lasts about 2 years before something wierd and wild happens. Happened to my xh. Your bampot is nearing this time.

He didn't experience how the END of your marriage was, because he transferred his feelings,memories, history elsewhere into the affair. He didn't get to grieve normally. Heck most ow will not put up with seeing their wayturd cry over their wife. So the ws, especially a guy ws, will stuff it all in until suddenly one day, and that usually coincides with the addictive crazy suddenly in love hormones begin to subside. Their addictive feelings begin to run out and reality begins to hit them.

Then the depression and sadness enters. I'll never forget that time. It is obvious and my counselor (personal recovery) told me that is what would happen with my x. I remember mothers' day coming up and my son told him my vacuum had gone kaput. I didn't at the time have even enough $ to go buy one, so he marched out (xwh) and bought me a top of the line oreck. Yep. And had my son bring it over to me during this visitation time. And there was a crazy wierd almost sexually suggestive funny mothers' day card w/it too.

Then right after that was when the ow/wistress wife found my xh's secret hiding place, where he stashed away my plan B letter and my old wedding band in a plastic baggie and apparently she heard him crying one day. It pushed HER over the edge so she called to scold ME about it (trust me I pushed it over on HER!) Then a few weeks after that he tried the whole thing where he admitted to me (after he lied to me to get me to come meet him somewhere feigning it was b/c my son had an emergency during a visitation he had w/him) he missed "us" and regretted his affair marriage.

Right around the 2 year mark as my counselor said. Even the ow/wifey said that he would disappear into this large closet area and she'd hear him crying on and off for about a month. Grief had set in and the shock of what he'd done hit him full force.

It does happen. No matter how the idiots pretend and try to present that facade or normalcy. No matter how much fake legitimacy they obtain. They are not ever feeling grief. Like the old saying, they go "from into the frying pan right into the fire". No time to really end a relationship or process things, they simply jump from one thing to another and lie even to themselves, rewrite history so they can even be able to do these horrid, evil acts with their affair parnter, ruining families and destroying a once good marriage.

Sorry to hear the IMs were that messed up Scotty. You did have to change them because they were weak remember? Now Bampot is testing the waters, and like peachy said, the hormones and fantasy is running out.

"Where are all the other peaceful easy perfect things that come with the hormone rush we got?"

"Doesn't everybody understand we are in lurve?"

That crap has a shelf life, it will expire, and it stinks to high heaven.

Now there will be even less Bampot can feel good about, as he runs around trying to cover himself with a fig leaf before others, and he will find he just can't dance fast enough to even fool himself. This relationship was born out of dishonesty and escape, and nothing will give him security that it won't happen again.

But you know all this, and have been pondering it for some time.

Peachy hit the mail on the head, so there is nothing much more I can say. I am mad at the people in "affairland" too. You certainly have had a battle on your hands, but I know you will never break, your just too solid.

Hugs Scotty Rocks...How do you think your L Bank is holding out?

My LB balance for Bampot is still there, just not the same amount as before. I do believe that I had a pretty large balance at the beginning of Plan B, some of it from foggy romantic thinking about WHO Bampot really was. It might be an even better strategy for a BW to get into Plan B quickly so the possibility of a marital recovery is there up until the 2 year mark. She would need ALL the love she has to still want to recover, because the hits one can take, CAN deplete the LB quite quickly. That remaining part of me has being waging war against my Taker for a long time now. I would feel saddened to lose that part of myself. To be forever changed into someone who doesn't love Bampot anymore. THAT was almost too hard to write and keep on this thread. I almost edited it out. But I want this to be an honest representation, as always, of thoughts and feelings which I am having to better help those who come after me. After all, this is the best legacy I can leave on this forum, my thread.

So, believe it or not, this morning, when I awoke, my first thoughts WEREN'T about what transpired yesterday. I woke to thoughts of what I would do if I got that promotion. It is a HUGE step UP. I would actually be skipping a couple of rungs on the ladder to get there. That would be truly amazing. I thought about what I could do to better the workplace for all involved(as I have been in their shoes for the past 5+ years). I thought about what I could do and say to garner the mutual trust and respect that is required to lead. I also thought about the manager who would be leaving and how I wouldn't be able to fill her shoes, both in good and bad ways. How the best compromise is one where BOTH parties aren't entirely happy with the outcome. I actually was truly excited to think about all of this. I was smiling. And then, I remembered what happened yesterday, and it didn't affect me the way it had yesterday. I have recovered from the blow. Onwards and upwards. If only I could have the interview already so I won't always be so nervous when I go to work. ARGH.

Thank you all for your support. I am so blessed to have all of you here. I always know that someone will be here for me to vent to, and you all understand. It's not the same when I need to rely on venting on a foggy WW, my mom(she hasn't changed yet, so although her A is ended, I still call her a WW) or people who don't understand the way you all do. My mom always feels the need to defend HERSELF, or changes the subject to HER. Most times, it drives me NUTTY. But, she's my mom, and she is mostly harmless. My dad on the other hand, has been a SPECTACULAR help to me, and I believe I to him. Which is kind of funny, because growing up, he was very abusive(both physically and emotionally)and we weren't very close. But, those experiences, as long with everything else in my past, has molded me into the person I am today, as the experiences today are molding me into the person I shall become tomorrow. And then, my thank you list will be even larger. It's a good thing I won't need to make a speech at an awards show. I would run out of time with all of the "Thank Yous" that I would need to give.

So again, THANK YOU MB, even those lurkers who only read. You are represented in the view tally of this thread. Seeing the number rise, reminds me that I am not alone, even if you feel like you had nothing yourself to add. The support means a lot.

I just realized something else too. All the goings on of yesterday actually helped me get through the second night without DSx2. I am grateful for that too, although I could have thought of better ways to get through the night. I really have no problem giving thanks, I need to get better at accepting them. After all, if I wish mine to be accepted, it would be rude not to respond in kind.

Well, I am off to work now. Will today be the day of my interview? One can only hope.

Best of luck today Scotty!

(from a supportive lurker) Lol

Thank you for this honesty.




Go get 'em, Scotty!

Stunning as always. Your insight and honesty are amazing. I have great insight into other people...

All the best on your promotion, and you're still the same wonderful person whatever happens with it.

I totally get your feeling of aloneness in the fight against A's, both that specific one and infidelity in general. What's funny is any time I hear something like that, whether it's someone else or just me in my own head, the story of Elijah always pops into my head.

Right after Elijah had prayed on Mt. Carmel and fire fell from heaven, right after he had killed the 850 evil priests and prophets of Baal who led the children of Israel in burning their children alive, the very next morning, Elijah was running for his life because the queen was mad to lose her priests and threatened to kill Elijah.

In total panic, he ran off like a spooked horse, miles and miles into the wilderness. When he was finally calm enough that God could talk to him, God asked, "What are you doing here?"

Elijah poured out his feeling of being alone. "I'm the only one left who worships You, and now they're trying to kill me, tooooooooo."

I can almost hear the smile in God's voice as He informed Elijah, "Maybe you didn't realize, but I have 7,000 people on My side, who have NEVER bowed before Baal."

Even when we feel totally alone, it's only because we didn't know about the "7,000" who are fighting the same fight, and standing in the same power. You truly are not alone in your fight. We're here, and many, many more that we don't know about.

Still no interview. Good news though is that no one has had an interview yet, so they aren't just torturing ME. They will probably wait until after May 17th, since we are having inventory that day. Guess I still need to be ready for an interview every time I go to work.

The boys have arrived home unscathed from their night at the puke-shack.

Neak, I know that I am not the only one fighting affairs. I just sometimes feel overwhelmed and defeated when dealing with Bampot's A.

Today was an okay day.

Maybe tommorow will be the day Scotty. They will be foolish not to hire you, you have a great head on your shoulders.

I from the stands, can see what others are seeing, but maybe you might not realize,(Internally recognize as real?. IDK, I am allways breaking down the launguage), that as you are going forward, while still in pain and with all the challanges facing us all in life, you are making better decisions, and building confidance on a firm foundation. I don't know what Bampot does for a living, or what "Profession" he practices, but if he is trying to sell that he is good marriage material, his foundation is one of shifting sand.

Those foundations are internal, and those who have strong ones recognize them in others, as we do in you. Heck, many of us would want strength like yours, and benifet from your support, as your example is also our support.

He is struggling too, yet he will not succeed in proving to himself that he was right in leaving, and as long as he lives this way everyone else will know it also, as well as POSOW. All the justification dances he does, and everything he does to make himself look good, up to and including even admitting he was wrong for the A, and for leaving to POSOW, and the children, will not a strong bond with anyone make. The only solution is to come home to you guys and admit it was him that was flawed.

So your foundation is strong, in that it is built on truth and solid ground inside you. His is weak, that it is built on lies and deciet whithin himself, and those shifting sands do not hold any weight.

I know I am not telling you anything you do not know allready inside yourself. Maybe I have a different way of looking at it and it helps, but mostly I just want to support you, because you show more guts and fortitude than a lot of so-called men. That strength is what I respect, not the fluff on the outside.

He can bring his horror show of what he wants to sell as his new , "life" around all he wants, and only fools will buy what he is selling. Yes there are plenty of fools in "affairland", and he might make some sales to other fools who also want to beleive in running away, but he can't fool himself without self-inflicted damage.

You are moving forward, and you will continue to move forward, whether he gets his act together or not.

Thank you for being you, and for sharing your life and story with us.

Thanx CP. You have helped me throughtout and for that I am grateful.

So, it is funny how the mind works, eh?(You all forgot I was Canadian didn't you? Tehee) This morning I woke up after having a dream where I was talking to Bampot. We were at my parent's house. We were talking on a familiar level and on one where he was still with OW, but was trying to come home(can you say wish granting dream? ARGH). Then, I started talking to OW(who was at my 'rent's house too) and she said, "I won." I said, "Oh yea, you won alright. What a booby prize you got there." I looked into Bampot's face and it hurt ME to say that about him, although I know right now that he is no prize. I still can't think about hurting him though, and my Taker is mad at me for it.

Anyways, when I woke up entirely, I came to two realizations. The first was that OW had blocked my email addy, way back when, and she never received the Plan B letter. She doesn't have the knowledge that he didn't pick me, I asked him to go and she was second choice. Darn it. I wish I had sent a hard copy too. The other realization that I had was WHY Bampot brought OW to Orig IMs house now. Bampot and OW are moving at the end of the month. He has taken the boys to see the new house(They currently live in a 2 bdrm upper apt BOY I KNOW TOO MUCH). I am almost certain that Bampot has asked orig IMs to use their truck to help them move. There are only 3 people that we know who own trucks. Orig IMs, my BIL(Who was Bampot's bestfriend until he pulled away due to his A), and my MIL. Out of those 3 choices, orig IMs are the less "harmful" ones to introduce OW to. It's really very sad. Now I am just surmising, as I can not know for certain(PLAN B AFTER ALL).

Plan B is like exercise. I have become more physically fit by going to my boxing classes. Now, when I walk up the stairs at the whirlpool, I don't need to rest as often, and the times I do, my breathing slows, and I am able to continue more quickly. The same thing happens with Plan B. When I do hear something, although it hits me like a tonne of bricks, at first, I recover much more quickly and am able to focus on me instead. I owe a debt of gratitude to all of you, and especially DrH, for that. Thank you for helping me become the person I am today. You guys ROCK.

I cannot begin to tell you how impressed I am by your growth and maturity. I wonder if Bampot ever pulled his head out of his hindquarters if he would even be able to catch up with you in this area. You amaze, Scotty.

Mama Pep takes note.

You were being polite.
Be comfortable with polite.

Your astute and candid self observations are a large part of what makes you so unique and valuable to the forum.

Thank you FF, and you too Pep.

Loves ya all.

right back at you, Scotty. I will pray about the promotion for you.

On a side note, I understand the inability to accept a compliment. It took me a long time to be able to do so, especially without prefacing the thank you with a self deprecating remark. I am still working on my H being able to do so. He does not like compliments and does not give them either.

Scotland, your WH has been with OW for a while now.
Do you have a good life for yourself or are you still living it in the hope he comes back to you?
I hope you are moving on nicely and not think of him too much.
Not worth your time anymore. It has been too long and you seem like a really nice person who deserves to meet someone special.

swans, have you read Scotty's thread? Have you noticed how many times she has calmly, knowledgeably, and strongly cited her MB-counseled plans, her love for her H, and her commitment to personal recovery while she walks the path of the plans for her marital recovery?

Shame on you, swans, for coming to a marriage-building website to stir up contention and advocate for divorce, especially when a poster has made it abundantly clear - in a most intelligent and thoughtful manner, not that she need answer to any of us - that she is not pursuing that plan ATM.

Swans, not sure why you're really here, but this woman is A 100 PERCENT INSPIRATION and has been a champion for her marriage and family.

She has a plan already.

What's YOUR plan Swans? What is it about? Who are you here for? Your betrayed daughter? Or is it for you? And if you choose to answer, put it please on another thread.

With total of 10 posts I can only hope that this was an amatuer attempt at help with good intentions.

Read up some more on why we are here Swans, the whole site, because many of the people here are pit-bulls that are fighting tooth and nail for thier marriage.

I choose to belive the best Swan, but it still made me chuckle in the assumption that you were sincere, but you have a lot to learn yet. Its Ok we all do still..