Thanks for all your comments regarding the e-mail. I see your points that it's too long, I'm going to sleep on the decision to send it. Since it's written I may just send it anyway - if it's ignored, it's ignored, if it's read and some of the words are remembered next time they think of doing something like this then I might have helped prevent someone else's pain. I don't see that it will make me feel any worse and that's all I'm trying to avoid right now.

As regards a face to face confrontation, I don't see that being beneficial. I think that's even less likely to persuade them. If I send the above email I'll rephrase the last paragraph to be more direct and clear that I will not tolerate any further contact - if I don't send the above email I'll just send the direct paragraph instead.

Scotland, I see what you mean. I do know it takes time to find work and I'm not expecting it overnight. As long as I see positive action toward that then that will satisfy me in the short term, if it takes a few weeks and I can't cope with it then we'll address that then. If I need her to quit before a new job is found then she has said she will, I don't think it will come to that though.

First session of marriage counselling is tomorrow and SAA should arrive shortly after. MrsBHunt is staying with her mother this weekend so I can be back at home. Still not decided which way to go, but my anger is subsiding a little now at it's easier to think rationally which I know I need to do before I choose how to proceed.

After much deliberation I decided to send the e-mail - I will never regret sending it but I may regret not doing so. I've cut out all the parts about my feelings - I see that this won't register.

I also added the following paragraph:

Hitting send instantly made me feel slightly better. I'm not going to attempt a face-to-face conversatio unless the OM tries to make contact - I do not deal well with confrontation and I will not be able to articulate my anger as well as I can through words - but I think I've made it clear that it will not be tolerated.

Feeling more angry and bitter towards WW this morning but I'm not trying to bury it. I know there's a lot more of that to come and that at some point I'll have to try and let it go, but for now I think I need to remember how bad this has made me feel.

Sending the e-mail has had some positive consequences. I had a reply from one which contained the expected defense and deflection (immediately dismissed as horses**t) but also some details that helped me corroborate WW's story.

I now feel I've heard a full and truthful account of events and have identified a few ways I can confirm anything else I'm still not sure of.

WW has sent NC messages to both OM and copied me in.

First marriage counselling session was ok, discussed us as people and what happened and we're going back again next Saturday.

Quote

firstly, regarding the fact that there were two men, yes there were but they were at the same time, both over a period of around a month. I know this is still worse than one man, but I just wanted to ensure that people were aware it was not one affair followed by another.

I'm sure that this distinction is a source of relief for your husband.

Quote

Also regarding the rest of our relationship, I have been faithful throughout, and I think that my husband will know this, and would be surprised if he even had reason to wonder.

I had to read this three times before I realized I had it right the first time. Surprised if he had reason to wonder?!! You just cheated on him!!! He's probably wondering about everything.

B.H., I can understand the anger you feel towards these guys and it is justified, what I find curious is that you are so believing and entirely too trusting of your wife. Your wife has admitted flirting with these men (and probably several more) which leads me to believe that she was probably the aggressor, or at the very least made it plain that she would be receptive to any overtures.

I wouldn't send any more threatening letters to these guys. they put people in prison over stuff like that. Something happens to one of them or their property, like a keyed car, and guess who the police come to talk to? If you don't have an alibi and they wave those emails around, it's gonna look like you did it. Never advertise or threaten revenge. You just gave them something to hold over you.

Expose to their employer and let them know they used company time to carry on this way. I don't think you will have any more contact from them because they were just interested in getting laid. You should be more concerned with your wife's behavior.

Two men at the same time? NO [censored] WAY! You got some heart brother. Personally, I'd get her out of my life- PRONTO!