I would see a lawyer to find out your rights. I have heard that you can get some decent advice during the free consultation.

If you are doing Plan B, you will definitely need an IM for many reasons...to protect yourself from his wayward antics so that you can begin a personal recovery...to preserve your LB$ should he end up commiting himself to R...and to ensure that you are not meeting any of his ENs. Let him have a taste of what D life will REALLY be like.

Ok I am putting my Plan B letter together and these are the EP I have asked from him.

I need these Extraordinary Precautions put in place:

You must send a no contact letter to all the women that you have been in contact with.
You will not have opposite sex friendships
You will not be on the computer without me
You will keep your phone out and on in front of me and I have full access to pick up the phone anytime I feel the need
You will not take the phone to the bathroom with you
We spend all of our leisure time together
We need to lead completely transparent lifestyles together.
We must be open and honest about everything.

Am I missing anything else? I would like to have a full confession about everything but I don't think I will get one.

I haven't quite figured out how to properly and efficiently dig, so I'll send up a flare, and hopefully a responder with a good thread library will link you tst's EP post.

I've got it. (BTW, HHH you can put threads under your "Watched Topics" under the topic options tab...)
Extraordinary Precautions

So how do you live with them until you go to Plan B?

I find it very difficult to even be around him and I DO NOT want an AO because I am working so hard on that. He will not move out and he thinks a lame sorry about these latest OW is enough and amazing SF ( because I'm HD) he thinks that makes up for it all. I know I will have to move out and that won't happen for at least a couple of weeks.

I told him I do not feel protected in our marriage and he got all defensive.

We were supposed to go to the gym together like we usually do and I just don't want to be around him.

I know I need to be just there without any lovebusters, correct? Until I can leave?

What I don't understand is that he has a friend(who is engaged) contacting a married woman and he said how wrong it is. So I said, isn't that what you did? He got all PO'd and said this is why I don't tell you anything. I told him you don't want to talk about this or save our marriage. So I'm out here and he's in the room sleeping.
There is so much to do to go to Plan B and I don't know if I can remain cool as a cucumber while I have to wait.

How do you live in this limbo as you're waiting for things to come together? I feel like I'm being abused because I'm stuck and can't get out of this sickness.

This is very difficult that he won't leave and I have to uproot my DD and change our lives because of his poor habits.

I am not whining just bothered but I know what I must do because my LB$ is getting close to the red.

Having a tough time finding an IM but if I have our finances split and there is no reason to talk. Do I still need an IM? I'm very good at ignoring him and deleting all contact.

Another question, if there is no proof of a continued A but he won't discuss EP or the EA's my next step is plan B or is there something else?

I don't think I have the answer here.

I suppose that if he refuses to meet your conditions for recovery, then yes, Plan B may be in order.

Have you considered emailing the radio show?

I did email them back in November and was on the show with Joyce and Dr.H and they helped so much.

Maybe I need to try again.

I just feel like I'm at the wall and hitting my head is getting tough. I just want to make sure I have done everything possible because we know I was half to blame for this mess in the beginning.

I listened to the beginning of your show and Dr Harley stated that your H's As were not due to unmet needs but rather due to a lack of EPs.

If your H refuses to implement EPs and be transparent, he WILL continue to keep having affairs & inappropriate communications with females, it is that simple.

It doesn't sound like more Plan A is going to get him onboard if it hasn't so far.

Plan B will do many things for you. It will show your H you are serious about the changes you need to see from him, and it preserves your mental health and your LB$ in the event he does decide to get on board.

If you continue on into a Plan C, living with him and lovebusting him, etc, it is the scenario that is most likely to lead to divorce.

And yes, you can always email the show again.

Yes you're correct SusieQ and I know it's from a lack of EP and I have told him this. He thinks he has EP in place and I told him when you talk to OW and do not protect me, then you do not have EP in place.

I wrote the show again asking if Plan B is what I need.

Before I answer this ~ you are the WW?

Has your H also had an A?

The last time a WW was advised by posters to Plan B her H, Dr. Harley himself posted to her that that was NOT advisable.

I don't know your story so this would be different if your H has also had an A. Please give me a re-cap of your sitch before I respond.

Ok, I just read a couple of posts and your sig line and it looks like you both have had affairs. What a mess.

As far as getting him out of the house, if you have already asked and he refuses, then I can't think of anything other than filing for D in order to legally get him out.

This might be the wake-up call he needs, IDK.

Can you file for D to get him out? That is your best option as far as I can tell.

Yes I had an affair on my first husband and I ruined my first marriage.

My now H has had affairs on me and I had an online RA on him.

Since I have found MB I have apologized to my XH and kids and I have tried to implement them in my life and my now M.

My now WH was deployed and is back now and I thought we were doing well. I have done everything to clean up my side of the street, which I have done.

I found out that he has been in contact with 3OW.

One is a widow of a friend of his. So I blew this out if the water and I told him since you will not have EP I feel like I have no choice to get a divorce. I told him I think you should leave and he told me I can not force him out. This is true because I tried and the cops were called and they told me I would have to leave.

So I have been trying to find a place for my DD and I and I guess I will just have to file.

He says he has EP in place but when I tell him I don't feel protected and that I have no choice but to leave.

Is your current H your OM from your first M?

No, I didn't meet my now H until after I was divorced and moved. I do not have contact with the OM at all. He was a sore spot in my now M also. Because when I told my now H as to how my first M broke up I also told him who it was and my now H knew of him because I worked with him. That is the reason we moved, to get away from him.

I see. And despite all of this you still had an RA???

Does your H know about your RA?

Is he still in C with any of his OW? Am I correct that he has had 3 affairs?

Yes I had the RA despise all this. I have learned now after all this pain.

Yes 3 affairs that I know of. One was ONS and the others were phone and text. I have exposed and changed my side of the street. When I talked to Dr. Harley he told me that my WH's A's wasn't because of lack of his needs being met but his lack of EP, which I know this.

No, from what I can tell he is not in contact with anyone but Told him I don't feel safe in our M and that's where I am today. I have emailed Dr. H to ask him.

Exactly what EPs has he agreed to? And will he allow you access to his phone and phone records?

He actually agrees with everything that I have asked and then I will check the phone records and find out he is talking to an OW. So to me it's lip service.

He also asked to have his number changed and I said will that stop you from giving out your number to women?

I have access to all his emails even work and access to our phone records. We are together all the time but WTH?

Since this last time he does not take his phone into the bathroom anymore.

So things have been very rocky lately. I think I'm getting prepared to go to plan B.
I was supposed to be on the radio show Friday but had to cancel and so hopefully this week.

I know I need to do a stellar Plan A before going into Plan B but I need to get my taker under control.