mark, have you checked with family, friends, neighbors, coworkers?

Ive had several turn me down but I do have a question? I know of one family member who may be willing but she knows nothing about the infidelity or her affairs. My question is how much do I tell the IM if they don't know?

Would this person be able to remain neutral? And do you have the IM training guide written by ML? If not, let us know and we will get it to you.

I guess you're asking if she knew the truth about her neice, would she be able to handle the task? I think so. She was raised, as she told us at the beginning of all this, in a split family, so I think she may be the perfect one. Obviously, I don't think she'll disown her neice, but I don't think she'll hate me either. She's one of those who has remained cordial with me (and there are several). She is a very spiritual person and respects me and my contribution to the ministries at the church.

And no, i do not have that IM guide so could you or someone get that to me?

Here it is:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2264548

Has this A been exposed far and wide?

No...she has admitted to a select few that she's on dating websites and such but only about 6 know about ONS and I don't think anyone really knows about her boyfriend.

She lied to our pastor on Saturday. Why would she tell him the truth. Shes lied to him from the beginning. She told him she just told me to make me leave her alone although I haven't been doing anything. She was mad mediation didn't happen.

The only proof I have is what she told me and I have no way of verifying it since we live on opposite ends of town now unless I stakeout. She's gonna lie.

One thing I do know is that her girlfriends are helping her and supporting her. She was showing them pictures of other men before divorce was even filed.

Anybody? How can I expose without solid evidence? If confronted, she'll just lie like she has been all along. If I tell her family, at least the ones who have some sense and those that don't know, will they perceive it as revenge since we've been separated now for 6+ months? I'm ready to act. I just need some good advice.

I have been really busy today, was holding off on further comment until I could read through your thread. Have you thought of emailing the radio show? If you click on the radio link above, you can get the address...

Yes. I emailed a month or so ago. That was in regards to whether I should be in plan a or b. It was before her admittance of having a boyfriend. I am so ready to do something I just want to do it right.

Exposing without anything but a confession to me seems to be weak but she has had absolutely no pressure applied. Father nor mother care. Most of her family that would say something live out of state. They would probably still say something but she'll just lie. I do still have most of the old proof like website correspondence and profiles.

Did they answer your email on the radio show? What did they say? You can always email them again.

I will try to read thru tonight and see if I can give you more feedback...

Expose what you know - your wife has a boyfriend that she told you about and this is adultery. That is all you can do is tell the truth.

All waywards are dishonest. They will justify it with deceipt, lying, and omission because that is what they do. Everytime a BS exposes they are also exposing themselves to the chance the wayward will be dishonest, so BS looks crazy and vengeful.

It doesn't matter because people will have doubt about your wayward, by exposing you do place some kind of mistrust upon the wayward. Wayward's actions usually do not resemble angels, so those that have been exposed will watch her more carefully. They will try and disprove your words. Two things will happen either your wayward's action are shown to be innocent or guilty.

If her actions are raising doubt among those that have been exposed, then most people will catch on that the wayward is likely in an affair. People are not that stupid.

Exposure is still your best weapon for killing the affair. Don't even think about how the wayward will be deceitful because she will be deceictful. It is a given. Just follow the truth and let the cards fall.

Exposing based on the truth will do wonders down the road.

Yes, they did respond but it was like a week later as they said somehow it had gotten lost. They said to try plan a as long as I could and then go to plan b.

Again, I did not ask whether or not I should do another attempt at exposure. I didn't know about her "boyfriend" and the last exposure was pretty weak in that it was to about 8 people and it was about 5 months ago. Four of them were on FIL side of family and all had affairs and only one was sorry for having done so but wife won't even speak to her (FIL's wife of 30 yrs). The others were her mother, our pastor, her cousin, and a close family friend. All of them said something but mother doesn't really care and she just lies to everyone else about what she's doing. But they all know the truth without a doubt as they have all seen the signs.

It's so funny to think about a running joke WW and I had during our marriage was about how she was a bad lier and she was. She would either crack under the pressure of knowing she was trying to lie or she would smirk which was a dead giveaway. We used to laugh about that all the time. She's gotten pretty good at it now.

So did my WH Mark. It's crazy when you realize it huh?

So, I dunno how this was missed earlier, but why wasn't all of your WW's A's exposed far and wide? Exposure should have been done. I think that you should expose it this way. Write/contact ALL of the people who you are going to expose to. Tell them ALL of your WW's adultery history in one exposure. Anyone who you think may influence your WW should be contacted.

Get the exposures done all at once. Write up your list. Get the wording right(write it out here and ask for editing). Then expose this far and wide, not being concerned with the outcome.

Also, I think you should write your Plan B letter. You should probably go into Plan B right at the same time, then you won't have to deal with your WWs reaction.

Just my 2 cents.

I think you are right that I need to go far and wide. I was just wondering if I should reveal just the recent info or include everything. I was wondering how it should be done, in person, email, facebook, etc.

Also, I have my Plan B letter written, i'm just waiting for an IM. One person has told me they will get back with me tomorrow.

Also, could someone give me an idea of what I could write in an exposure letter since most of the exposure I will have to do will be FB. What should I say?

Ok, so some thoughts after reading through...

First I agree with all the advice you have been getting from Scotty It's great that you've had her support & help all along...

Next, your W is so foggy that it doesn't sound like she gave you much of a chance to Plan A I guess I am trying to reassure you that I don't think that there is too much more that you could have done or tried and I think you are right to go to Plan B...

OK, re exposure. Just something to think about, you can go into Plan B and then do the exposure. That you won't have to deal with any of the fallout of it.

I will be back with the fb form that we have. Hang in there, mark!

Do you know who the OM is? If not, is there any way for you to find out? This fb form is geared towards exposing the OP.



Dear friend of Joe Scumbag,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his friends should know the kind of person he really is. Joe had an affair with my wife, Sally, from Aug until September. I believe that his friends should know this, so you can protect your marriage from him. My wife and I have 2 small daughters and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify his parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you, BH

Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.
Thank you, BW

No, I don't know who he is, just that I'm 1000% he exists. With all the proof I have about what she has done prior to this point, I don't think anyone will really doubt. I just wonder if they will even say anything.

Also, what about some of her friends that I'm sure don't know. There are some but I dont know if they'll say anything either but I guess I won't know if I don't try.

There has to be some type of letter I could post on fb to friends and family. That's pretty much all the contact I have since most of them live out of town.

No, I don't know who he is, just that I'm 1000% he exists. With all the proof I have about what she has done prior to this point, I don't think anyone will really doubt. I just wonder if they will even say anything.

Also, what about some of her friends that I'm sure don't know. There are some but I dont know if they'll say anything either but I guess I won't know if I don't try.

There has to be some type of letter I could post on fb to friends and family. That's pretty much all the contact I have since most of them live out of town.

Here is the FB message I had composed. Let me know your thoughts:

Dear friend or family of WW,

I am writing this to ask you to support myself and my family though this difficult period . You may not know it, but YYY is in another adulterous affair. I say another because I found out in November about her one-night-stand. Since then she has been on 2 dating websites listed as a single women. I have copies of some of the correspondence with these men. Most of the correspondence I have is from before she filed for divorce. She has sent explicit pictures to atleast 3 men, had sexual conversations with others, and recently even told me that she has a boyfriend and that she likes him and we are not even divorced yet. While all this began prior to her filing, she filed because I contacted a man she had been planning on meeting and I told him she was married. He cut her off that day because she lied about being divorced. She was so mad I did this, she went and filed the next day.

I know you care about WW and want only the best for her and our daughter which clearly being in an adulterous affair is not. Unfortunately WW has chosen to misrepresent the truth of her adultery to myself as well as to some of her family and friends. She has done nothing but tell lie after lie after lie to several people including Pastor XXX.
Many thanks for reading this mail and understanding the difficulties we are going through as a family. I�d appreciate any support in trying to put my family back together.

Also, when you guys say expose deep and wide, how many people are you suggesting? [color:#3366FF][/color]