Do you gurls just lurve my FB photo this week?

So .... Roy-Al.

LOL, love it!

Yea, the ugly hat. What was she thinking?

Well, she definitely got attention, I just don't think it was positive attention. But, as they say, "No publicity is bad publicity." She was most definitely talked about, all over the WORLD.

Itistoughlove, here's a big ol' hug for you. Sorry I have taken so long to respond to you. I hadn't forgotten, just had to get the kiddos from school, fed, watered and then some mommy time until bedtime. Now, I can focus and give you the attention you deserve, as I never take these kinds of things lightly. Have you read this entire thread? Just curious. If not, I suggest you do. Time consuming, but I am CERTAIN you will find some things in it very useful. BTW, do you have a thread where all of your info is? This way, I can catch up on your sitch and help you too.

First, your WH's A was NOT about how OW looked. It was about HIS weak boundaries. There have been men and women who work around good looking people and don't have affairs. Weak boundaries around members of the opposite sex puts one in a position where someone else can meet their ENs and they can fall in love. It's what can and most likely WILL happen. And I don't believe, anymore, that your WH is shallow by liking the way a woman looks. It IS an EN after all.

Don't focus on reasons WHY OW WILL dump your WH. That is of no concern to you anymore. Also, it is more likely that you will become disappointed when she doesn't. Your focus should not be on your WH and his OW. I know it is hard. I slip sometimes myself(you will read it in this thread). But, I KNOW the benefits that I gain from a DARK Plan B, and I right my course once again(sometimes with the help of these AMAZING people on this site).

DrH and Pep are right, a man in this sitch WILL feel poorly about his decisions ONE DAY. Thing is, you have no idea how long that will take. Your Plan B should be about what YOU want. It should have NOTHING to do with what your WH does, or doesn't do. I have an end date for my Plan B, at which point, if my WH isn't home, I will file for D. It is longer than the 2 year mark, but it isn't something that I wish to share with anyone else. I may change my mind after all. But my MINIMUM time in Plan B will be until this coming December. On December 19, 2011, I will re-evaluate my feelings and decide if I should stay the course. Thing is, whether I get a D or not, I WILL NOT TALK TO MY WH DIRECTLY UNTIL HE HAS ENDED HIS A WITH OW.

ALL of the things that you do should be because it is who YOU want to be. Your personal appearance should have NOTHING to do with what your WH would like. I KNOW what it is like to think, "If I have my hair this way, WH would like that. If I dressed in this shirt, and pants, WH would like that." It's normal, at first. Later, you will gain the confidence to look inside and see who YOU want to be and you will stop wanting to please your WH with your appearance, because after all, he shouldn't be seeing you anyways.

As far as the advice about filing for D, I would talk to your lawyer about it. I adhere to the advice from DrH which says that if you want a D, then file for a D. BUT, if you need to legally cover yourself by filing, or if you can gain an advantage over your WH by filing first, I would weigh all of the options and do what I felt right, with NO REGRETS.

I hope this helps you.

Thank you greatly for my dose of reality. I appreciate your response, and shed many tears at the moment.

I am reading your thread as I type this, and plan to keep going until I fall asleep.

I have a thread in Military Marriages that discusses my WH.

I know I need to keep focusing on me, and make sure I am the best I can be for my four babies.

God Bless

Once again I am amazed at the power of this site, and more importantly the class and genuine care for others routinely displayed. Scotty, you are a clas act and still the Bee's Knees lil sis!

Pep, thanks for pointing out the lesson regarding making choices based on comfort. Reminded me of the typical wayward "right to be happy" twisted philosophy.

We have an often used statement in the Army describing this. "Choose to take the hard right over the easy wrong.". It is an attribute of a good leader.

Oh and by the way,I'm in the camp that swans was trying to be well meaning, just not well informed. One of the issues with annonymous forums I guess and being new to the site. Hopefully she will stick around and read and learn.

Scotty, I think you are doing awesome and doing the right thing for you and your family. Don't second-guess yourself because you are doing what is right for YOU. You are taking that hard right and are an inspiring leader.

Thank You Limb. And seriously, "Bee's Knees"? You aren't that much older than me big bro.

I am adding your quote to my FB info. It is well worth remembering.

Lil Mrs Pep. You forgot to mention the side effect of accepting compliments.......I GET MORE. Are you freaking kidding me? I went to work today, and I was dressed quite nicely. Every time someone said, "You look nice today." I would smile and say, "Thank you." Then, it happened. MORE PEOPLE WOULD SAY IT TOO. Oh, Pep, I was definitely NOT comfortable today. I did good.

Think of it this way ... You're spreading the joy around.

An alternative to the "thank you" is .... "You're so very kind."
A return compliment.
Or, "Thanks, you made my day."

You'll get the hang of it.

Well Pep, THANK YOU.

I hear that prayers are in order. They are going UP for sure. Take care of yourself and I hope a for speedy recovery. Love ya chica.

Dearest Scotty Could you check in on TornApart if you have a chance? She just entered Plan B recently and is having a really tough time....

Coincidentally, my MD is "going up" too.
Where no man should ever go.
More biopsies.
I have adjusted my attitude about this and I fully anticipate good news.

As always Pep, you make us laff and giggle.

It's good that you expect good news, cuz I won't hear of anything less. Make sure you tell the doctor that.

I will, thank you SusieQ

Just between us girls ....

Compliments are like feedback.
You find out you're doing something right.
I think of compliments as encouragement.
Feedback that helps us learn when we are on the right track.

On the other hand .... there is flattery.
Beware of flattery.


Once we trust ourselves to discern between a sincere compliment and flattery, we are much more "comfortable" at accepting compliments.


Here's an example of flattery. I'm just using this example because it was from this thread (a thousand posts ago) and it is pretty harmless, so it's safe to use.

"WWPD?" <~~~ Now, I know that this was just a silly joke.

"What would Pep do?" <~~~ A compliment UNLESS it is side by side with what Jesus would do.

But IF the comparison to Jesus was serious (it was not) that would make "WWPD?" flattery.
It would be flattery beyond the pale.
What if I misunderstood the comparison to Jesus as truth?
I'd be in deep doo-doo.

Scotty, I think you are learning to accept compliments because you trust yourself more.

I suspect "flattery" might have been used as some sort of manipulation when you were in your formative years.

Just a guess.

Let's see, what has happened in Scotty-ville this week? On Tuesday, my cousin and my BIL's GF both had their first children. I am so excited. My BIL's GF is sick with an unknown illness, but hopefully she will make a quick and full recovery.

Also, DS10 had track and field at his school level. He came in 1st in triple jump, 1st in long jump, 3rd in 200m and 4th in 100m. He still has to do high jump next week, but he will be going to the city finals for the jumps so far.

Today, I had my first interview for the manager job. It went well, but of course, as always, I have been figuring out things that I could have said. I am going to have a second interview(most likely) so I will use those answers then.

Yesterday, was a pretty rotten day on the DSx2 front. DS8 took 2 hours to go into school. Then he refused to go to the speech therapy assessment. It was a rough day for him. When we returned home, DS10 was mad at DS8 because they were banned on roblox for obscene language. DS10 blamed DS8, but DS8 denied it. I looked into it and it was actually DS10. I grounded him and banned him from Roblox.

Today, I had my interview. I went to my boxing class, and then my cell rang. It was the school. The principal told me that DS8 wanted to take a teddy bear to the movies, on a school trip, and that they told him he couldn't. He left school property. So, he was suspended. ARGH. At least this all happens at the same time so I can get over it all at once. Now I just need Bampot to do something to upset me.

Pep, I am thinking about what you wrote. I am learning about myself. That's a good thing.

I Allways liked the joke, "Flattery will get you everywhere"

OK, I am not seeking to educate, but that was funny compared to the normal "Stop the Bullchit" statement of "Flattery will get you nowhere" when someone is kissing up.

So when some says the first one, its the same difference to me, but with a warning of " Hey, I thought you were my friend, don't let me down, I am trusting you and vulnerable."

Just throwing in my .02, and ITA with Pep also.

Sorry for your crazy day. I hate compliments also. i learned to say, "why that is so nice of you to say, and you look great...." or you could learn to say thank you, but you have to get used to it. but i see you are doing a great job.