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Stillwater, I don't think you are getting this.
THE AFFAIR NEVER ENDED
Get that to sink in. There has been continued contact all along. Your WW KNEW that OM was going to tell his wife he was leaving her. That's why she wanted YOU to go. DID YOU MOVE OUT? DO YOU LIVE WITH YOUR FAMILY RIGHT NOW?
Going into Plan B is doing what is RIGHT and it absolutely takes a calm head to do it correctly. Please, this time around, follow the advice being given. Plan Stillwater didn't work. Why not give MB an actual try?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Oh. And it's Harley, not Farley. LOL
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Mrs. Wondering- If you look at what you quoted from me, you'd see I already answered if my wife's family knows. They've known for a long time. I left it up to the OM's wife to handle it on her end. I'm just a bit shocked the tone of aggression I get from thses boards. Has anyone read Dr. Farley's books? I don't remember him sounding aggressive and going psycho. Look I'm getting ideas but don't want someone's agression living vicariously through me if you know what I mean. Attacking people who are trying to help you will only leave you alone and divorced. And who is Dr Farley? It's HARLEY Do you WANT to save your marriage? If you do nothing but sit and twiddle your thumbs, your wife is going to have you move out and OM move back in. You need to act. TODAY.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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This was stillwater's answer to the exposure question back in January of this year: Her family knows. The OM is now living with his parents and even though he hasn't told them, they are very suspicious. It's only a matter of time. So yes, those close to us know. That sounds VERY WEAK, stillwater -- You need to make some WAVES. YOU need to be the one to expose this affair. You said "her family knows" --- HOW do they know? Did you tell them? What did you say? Did you expose to OM's parents and let them know what their son was doing to destroy your family? Did you ask them to HELP you by using their influence with their son to get him to STOP interfering in your marriage? Did you ask them to help your children by getting their son to back off? Did you confront OM and tell him to back the hell off? Did you do facebook exposure? My guess is no. stillwater, do you want to save your marriage and family? If the answer is yes, will you now listen and follow the advice you are given here? If you don't want help, but only empathy, just say that. We'd appreciate knowing what you are trying to do here. Mrs. W Mrs. W answered how going nuclear will help kill the A. You need to ask EVERYONE who cares about you and your W to put pressure on her to end the A. Ask the same of OMs friends and family. You need HELP in putting pressure on the affairees to end this godforsaken A. The more pressure given by friends and family members the sooner the A will end. The power this influence and pressure has on the A cannot be underestimated. It is POWERFUL.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
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Mrs. Wondering- If you look at what you quoted from me, you'd see I already answered if my wife's family knows. They've known for a long time. I left it up to the OM's wife to handle it on her end. I'm just a bit shocked the tone of aggression I get from thses boards. Has anyone read Dr. Farley's books? I don't remember him sounding aggressive and going psycho. Look I'm getting ideas but don't want someone's agression living vicariously through me if you know what I mean. No one here is going "psycho", but we are telling you that YOU must be aggressive in fighting for your family -- Our responses are designed to light a fire under YOU, sir. You don't seem to realize the urgency here -- You don't seem to understand how crucial this is and we want you to get it -- and we want you to FIGHT for your marriage and family... And no, I have never read anything by "Dr. Farley", but Mr. W and I have read all of Dr. Harley's books -- AND we've done the MB Weekend and have daily access to Dr. Harley himself on the weekend forums. You are welcome to call Dr. Harley yourself and get his advice -- FREE -- he and his wife Joyce do a daily radio show -- Call him and ask him about the exposure you've done so far -- tell him how the exposure was done and see what he says. He will even send you a free book for calling -- the link to the radio show is at the top of this page. Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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What Scotland and almost everyone else has asked, I'm asking as well. Did you move out?
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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Here is the link~~~> Marriage Builders Radio Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Mrs. Wondering- If you look at what you quoted from me, you'd see I already answered if my wife's family knows. They've known for a long time. I left it up to the OM's wife to handle it on her end. I'm just a bit shocked the tone of aggression I get from thses boards. Has anyone read Dr. Farley's books? I don't remember him sounding aggressive and going psycho. Look I'm getting ideas but don't want someone's agression living vicariously through me if you know what I mean. There is no aggression. We just know what works and what doesn't. You've already admitted that you did not go nulcear the first time and look what happened. You need to re-expose to everyone who you exposed to the first time AND find others to help support you and put pressure on your WW to knock it off. You are asking for HELP, that is it. "Dear friend and family, I grieve to write this to you but I desperately need your help. My WW and POSOM have been having an a since _______. They supposedly ended it and we were trying to repair our M but I recently found out the A never ended. I am asking for your support. If you would use your influence on my W to persuade her to end her A and repair our M, our children and I would be eternally grateful. I love my W very much and want to save our M. I need your help. Sincerely, stillwater"
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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I'm just a bit shocked the tone of aggression I get from thses boards. I suspect it's more frustration than aggression...
ManInMotion
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still, I know you are already feeling beat up but we would be doing you a disservice if we didn't point out these things to you because you will be setting yourself up for failure again if you don't correct the mistakes of the past. My failure was to make sure contact was totally cut-off. In addition to "making sure" with keylogger, GPS & VAR, flexispy on cell, to ensure NC next time (if there is a next time) MAKE sure to have all the proper EPs in place. This is a mistake I see being made on these boards every day and it makes me CRINGE. Make sure to change all phone numbers, even home phone, change or shut down the WS's email until she gets through w/d, and change plug up any other holes where the two of them had contact (FB, etc). If your BW balks at ANY of these EPs, you know she is not serious about NC.
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Look everyone. I'm sorry for coming across as an inconsiderate a-hole. It's just that I never got the impression from Dr. Harley's book "Surviving the Affair" that one should be so aggressive. The one story about Gregg(was he the OM?? or spouse) I remember how he remained patient and non-threatening. He had moved out as well. But I know that all relationships are different. I know a big part is me being too careful to scare my wife away, because I did go nuclear on her when I thought there was an affair going on. I am going to discuss Plan B with my therapist and go from there. Ya'll are right that what I've been trying hasn't worked.
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I'm just a bit shocked the tone of aggression I get from thses boards. I suspect it's more frustration than aggression... Correct. We see what's in front of you stillwater and are urging you to use the tools at your disposal to save your marriage and family. It's like watching a drowning man refuse a life preserver within his reach. It is painful to watch. Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Look everyone. I'm sorry for coming across as an inconsiderate a-hole. It's just that I never got the impression from Dr. Harley's book "Surviving the Affair" that one should be so aggressive. The one story about Gregg(was he the OM?? or spouse) I remember how he remained patient and non-threatening. He had moved out as well. But I know that all relationships are different. I know a big part is me being too careful to scare my wife away, because I did go nuclear on her when I thought there was an affair going on. I am going to discuss Plan B with my therapist and go from there. Ya'll are right that what I've been trying hasn't worked. What about calling Dr. Harley on his show? You will see how serious he is about exposure if you do that. Will you do that stillwater? Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Will you please answer this question stillwater: Have you moved out of your house?
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I can do that. Thanks for the link too.
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To the house question: Yes, I did. This OM lives clear across the country so I wasn't ever concerned that he would live there. And if he did I would probably be behind bars. Anyways, my wife and I will be trading places.
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stillwater,
There was a poster here who was very aggressive in her exposure, she basically told the whole community that her H and OW live in. She exposed initially and then reexposed when she found out the A was still ongoing and was infact a PA.
She was recently on the radio show (two times in the last few weeks). Her WH was telling her he would never forgive her for the exposure & Dr Harley insisted she did the right thing. If you want, I can try to find the show links for you.
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From Dr. Harley's private forum, stillwater: "I'm in the process of rewriting "Surviving an Affair" to add information about plan B. Some of the main points are as follows:
Whether in plan A or B, the world should know about your husband's affair. All of your relatives, your friends, your children, and the licensing board for your husband's lover. In some states a licensing board will revoke a license if a counselor is having an affair with a married person, client or not. This is because it's well known that affairs hurt families, especially children. And counselors know better than to have an affair.
The reason for the wide exposure is not to hurt the unfaithful spouse, but rather to end the fantasy. Your husband's secret second life made his affair possible, and the more you can to to make it public, the easier it is for him to see the damage he's doing. Keeping it secret does damage, but few know about it. Making it public helps everyone, including the unfaithful spouse and lover, see the affair for what it really is.
snip unrelated
When I first started recommending openness about an affair, I wasn't sure what would happen. But I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do. Now I know that for most couples it marks the beginning of recovery." Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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To the house question: Yes, I did. This OM lives clear across the country so I wasn't ever concerned that he would live there. And if he did I would probably be behind bars. Anyways, my wife and I will be trading places. What that did was give her the opportunity to carry on her affair without interference from you, stillwater. By phone, by email, by text or yes, maybe he even visited and slept in your bed -- and met your children. Please stop enabling the destruction of your marriage and family. I'm not trying to beat you up, really I'm not -- I just want you to FIGHT for what is right here. I want to see your marriage survive. I want to see your children grow up with an intact family. I know how possible this is if you fight and kill this affair. I am begging you to follow the advice here -- FOR YOU -- FOR YOUR CHILDREN. I know it's hard -- I know it's counter intuitive, but I also know it works. Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Stillwater,
You mentioned you are from texas. There is no legal seperation there only divorce.
Community property state meaning you can lose 1/2 of everything for HER Adultery.
Please take these vets advice.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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