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I think your letter is great. Far and wide would include both sets of your parents, siblings, any other family & friends that could have an influence on your W...
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Thanks. I'm just so hesitant to tell my family as I don't want them to think badly of her. I still love her. Also, she has never had a really close relationship with my family since we live several states away from them. We have pretty much only gotten to see them once a year for the entirety of our relationship.
How do the BS's family usually react? Will they think I'm crazy for still wanting her after finding out some of the things she's done?
BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11
1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Thanks. I'm just so hesitant to tell my family as I don't want them to think badly of her. I still love her. Also, she has never had a really close relationship with my family since we live several states away from them. We have pretty much only gotten to see them once a year for the entirety of our relationship.
How do the BS's family usually react? Will they think I'm crazy for still wanting her after finding out some of the things she's done? Mark, really?? I understand you love her, but you want to be honest, right? Give them the option to feel about her the way they do from an informed decision. My in laws were horrid. My Father in law mentioned working out a way to have thanksgiving with me, FWW, OM and the kids there... Needless to say, we have no contact with them. They may think you are nuts, but who cares? The truth is more important than our image. CV
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I think there is a good chance they will think it is great that you are doing whatever you can to keep your family together (if possible).  NEVER shield a WS from the consequences of their actions. It will be good for your W for her to see her actions through the eyes of her family (disappointment, embarrassment, etc). That's a big part of the reason for exposure! This is a GOOD thing!
Last edited by SusieQ; 05/09/11 09:44 PM.
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Thanks. I'm just so hesitant to tell my family as I don't want them to think badly of her. I still love her. Also, she has never had a really close relationship with my family since we live several states away from them. We have pretty much only gotten to see them once a year for the entirety of our relationship.
How do the BS's family usually react? Will they think I'm crazy for still wanting her after finding out some of the things she's done? Mark, really?? I understand you love her, but you want to be honest, right? Give them the option to feel about her the way they do from an informed decision. My in laws were horrid. My Father in law mentioned working out a way to have thanksgiving with me, FWW, OM and the kids there... Needless to say, we have no contact with them. They may think you are nuts, but who cares? The truth is more important than our image. CV You're right. I guess I should just tell them. As far as her family, do I tell cousins, too? She has several cousins a few years older than us that might say something. They may not. From what I've heard, they even said she was kinda wild as a teen, but so was I.
BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11
1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Bust it wide open. Sin thrives in darkness, expose it to the light.
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I'm ready to do it. I'm just waiting on an IM. As I stated earlier, I have one person waiting to give me an answer tomorrow. Other than that, I really don't have any other options. Anybody here interested?
I was just sitting here thinking about the consequences of what I am preparing to do and I remembered my WW saying that I embarrassed her when I initially exposed to the few people. How will she feel when i make it deeper? I'm not the one who has done these things. If she hadn't done them, there would be nothing to be embarrassed about.
Last edited by marksaysay; 05/09/11 11:09 PM.
BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11
1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Yes, she will be embarassed but that is a good thing. The affair is connected to negative emotions then as it should. Of course she will say that you are the bad one and you embarassed her. Doesn't mean that that is true and you know that. You also know that she will be furious beyond limits. Heck, my W send a very nasty email to me even after I just contacted OM (didn't expose initially). Everything that is interfering the affair will get a very bad reaction. And since the exposure will be the biggest blow to the affair then the reaction is also unbelievably angry. But your job is not to avoid anger but to kill the affair. I do understand your hesitance, I guess you are afraid that if you will make your WW angry then you will lose the last hope you had. I'm sorry to say but this kind of thinking will lead you to the divorce much more likely. The reason is that if you won't respect yourself (by letting the affair continue without interfering) then others (esp. your WW) can't respect you also. And for women, there is no love without respect towards their man. By exposure, in spite of initial anger, two goals will be achieved - affair is severely weakened if not killed and your WW actually loves you more (well of course they will admit that much much later ).
Me (FWH) 44
Mrs_Recon6mo (FWW) 42
Married 22 years
2 Children 20 and 22 years
Last D-Day for me: May 2009
Last D-Day for her: October 2008
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Recon, don't think I'm having second thoughts about the exposure. I've actually never been more motivated to do than I ever had. I guess the fear of making her look bad was what prevented me from going deep and wide with the exposure was why I didn't do it months ago.
It's funny because there have also been several that said I shouldn't have told people then. Whatever goes on in our house should stay in our house. One of those was her dad. My pastor even told me that's one of the things that has prevented our reconciliation. I don't believe that's the truth.
As soon as an IM is in place, the exposure bomb will be released. Just waiting. I'm so ready to do it now that I'm considering doing it without an IM in place. She's gonna be mad, I know, but what can she do that's worse than what she's already said and done. I could always ignore her phone calls, texts, and emails.
Last edited by marksaysay; 05/10/11 05:29 AM.
BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11
1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Mark, I am sorry, I have failed you. I never realized that you hadn't exposed your WW's A BEFORE. Now, you WILL tell your family. Firstly, you need their support, and second, they may be the only ones who actually stand up for your marriage. About the exposure letter, did you send any yet? I have a bit of editing of my own, if you don't mind. Dear friend or family of WW(and MINE too),
I am writing this to ask you to support myself and my family though this difficult period (me in my fight to save my family.
You may not know it, but YYY is in another adulterous affair. I say another because I found out in November about her one night stand(a one night stand she had in XX).
Since then she has been on 2 dating websites listed as a single woman. I have copies of some of the correspondence with these men. Most of the correspondence I have is from before she filed for divorce. She has sent explicit pictures to at least 3 men, had sexual conversations with others, and recently even told me that she has a boyfriend and that she likes him and we are not even divorced yet. While all this began prior to her filing, she filed because I contacted a man she had been planning on meeting and I told him she was married. He cut her off that day because she lied about being divorced. She was so mad I did this, she went and filed the next day. (I was saddened beyond belief.)
(I can not hope to save my marriage while WW is engaged in adultery.)
I know you care about WW and want only the best for her and our daughter, which clearly being in an adulterous affair is not. Unfortunately WW has chosen to misrepresent the truth of her adultery to myself as well as to some of her family and friends. She has done nothing but tell lie after lie after lie(lied)[the other way was verging on a LB and she WILL see this letter. Also, this line made ME mad at you, so I removed it] to several people including Pastor XXX.
Many thanks for reading this mail and understanding the difficulties we are going through as a family.I�d appreciate any support in trying to put my family back together. (Thank you.) Just a little tweaking. You could choose to expose just before Plan B, or just after. Is this IM who is getting back to you today HER aunt? This person would need to remain completely neutral. Do you have a friend who could do it?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Scotland, don't feel bad. We all make mistakes as I am partly responsible for having to even be here. Please don't beat yourself up.
Also, I like the changes you made and I think this is exactly what I will send.
The IM that is getting back to me today is not her aunt but it is someone who knows both of us pretty well. Hopefully I will get a confirmation today.
I'm just ready to get the ball rolling. I'm even willing to do so without being in Plan B and without an IM. I've heard many a vicious tirade from her and I've survived. I could just ignore her until an IM is in place. What do you guys think about that? I'm ready to get it started TODAY!!!
So to answer your other question, no, I haven't sent the letter yet, but I'm so ready to.
Last edited by marksaysay; 05/10/11 06:44 AM.
BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11
1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Well, just got a decline from pending IM. I will keep looking. I still want to move forward without the IM in place, though.
BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11
1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Well, just got a decline from pending IM. I will keep looking. I still want to move forward without the IM in place, though. Do you mean that you will expose without an IM in place, because that you CAN do. You CAN'T Plan B without an IM though.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Yeah. I'll just have to avoid any form of contact with her for a while.
BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11
1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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When are you doing your exposure?
Sorry it didn't work out with an IM. Hopefully someone here will be to help you out....
For anyone lurking & considering, when Melody was helping me with my short stint as an IM a while back, I believe that she said that once everything is in place it is a pretty easy job.
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BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11
1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Would it be to much to list her dating profile info on the exposure letter if people want to see it? In it, she says she is outgoing and HONEST which is obviously a lie. She says she doesn't smoke which she does. She says she is SINGLE which she isn't. She says she is looking for a long-term relationship and she's not out of this one yet.
Also, I was just curious. I'm going to do the exposure bomb within the next day or so, maybe even tonight, but how many stories out there are there where an exposure bomb was successful? I've read a lot about it doing nothing but not many that had a positive result. I am just curious....
Last edited by marksaysay; 05/10/11 04:46 PM.
BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11
1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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When are you doing your exposure?
Sorry it didn't work out with an IM. Hopefully someone here will be to help you out....
For anyone lurking & considering, when Melody was helping me with my short stint as an IM a while back, I believe that she said that once everything is in place it is a pretty easy job. What's involved in being an IM? CV
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CV, the link below explains it. You pretty much serve as a filter for communication between WW and me. Any communication must go through you and you only pass to me that which meets the criteria of the plan b letter which would be to only have contact regarding DD or reconciliation. nothing else in between. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2264548Whoever is my IM would have a pretty easy job. We hardly ever talk anymore through any form of communication. I will say she did call tonight, though, about plans that DD has coming up. She just doesn't know the ball is about to drop.
Last edited by marksaysay; 05/10/11 07:26 PM.
BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11
1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Seems easy enough, just one problem. How does it work? Do the parties get my phone number, e-mail, what?
I am willing to help Mark, but not sure I want to be called and chewed out at 3am by a WW.
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