Yep.

it doesnt make sense!!! thats where i will have difficulty. letting it just not make sense. the resentment would be 2nd.

then there is the side of oh god, this could happen again and again and again, even if i we are committed to the program. just because it seem like a bit of a game to him.

i have the poly next week, so i am loosely waiting to get another bomb or ten. but i asked for it, i know.

Correct.
Now stop trying to force sense into senseless and stoopid.

pattern? what am i missing, that he is stupid? baby steps with me y'all. look now i am picking at you.

ok its only been 20 hours since the last kick in the stomach, hit buy the bus, backed up by the bus.......

pep- how are you feeling?

No, chicka. North was saying that MY post showed a pattern, by my repetition about my husband's actions being 'stupid'. I was calling MY H's actions stupid. Not you or your WH, sweetie.

Easy mistake to make.

People who are lost to themselves, who need & seek external validation of the seedy kind, are not happy.

The wayward kind will often choose the fast-feel-good over the takes-too-long-and-is-too-damn-difficult route.

The only serial cheater worth your while to stick by ~~~> is the one who is deeply suffering , full of remorse, and is now doing the long & difficult route.

Not so hot.
But, it's only physical pain.
Yours is worse.
MUCH MUCH worse


(((( chica ))))

little hyper-sensitive i guess. i like the word idiot better.

so what would i ask dr. harley- i only get one shot. my mind is a blank.

what would he ask??????? where would he begin.....

pep- i am sorry to hear that. i wish there was something i could do, like bring you comfort food. but i have been thinking about you since you posted last night, i was glad to see you on.

"Idiot" will work nicely. Just slot it in where "stupid" was.

Thanks.
I'm supposed to lay low and slow today.

BLECH

{{{Pep}}} Low and slow is good. Feel better soon!

listen he is a mess, but how do i know how deeply he is suffering, how much remorse, and whats long difficult route. we are working on all of the MB principles, but it that the route. I just dont know how to tell the difference in the remorse, does that make sense?

Well, believe it or not, may I suggest you and H go for a walk together.
When you are a mile from home, ASK HIM.

Are you suffering?
What metaphor does your suffering look like?
Do you think you deserve your suffering?

Have a discussion.LOL
Try not to make a comparison side-by-side suffering my pain vs yours contest with WH.



Ask him:

What are you sorry about?

Ask open ended questions.
And listen.
Do not argue.
Think of it as intelligence gathering.

I see a ton of hope for you guys.

Are you suffering?
What metaphor does your suffering look like?- this will be deep for him
Do you think you deserve your suffering?- he said his pain and feelings are nothing in compairison to what he has done to me. and things like the pain i feel is beacause i did this to you.

I should type this up and let you all decipher it. you would have better insight.

he did write a note about he was a liar, monster, mess,disppointed, weak it goes on.
he is definetly suffering,


Have a discussion.LOL
Try not to make a comparison side-by-side suffering my pain vs yours contest with WH.

iam not even up to my pain yet. so that shouldnt be an issue

he said he was glad he got caught so it could all end.

i will ask him, i may not walk a mile.

My H said the same thing. He said he wanted to end it but didn't know how.

I remember, about 9 months into recovery: I LB'd my H in a huge way. He was distraught. I was distraught. I was down to 113 lbs that day, courtesy of the Infidelity Diet. And I just laid him out. OH, yeah. I let him have it. And I'm not proud about that. It is not one of my finer moments. I was not a poster child for MB that day.

At the end of my diatribe, I was panting for air (you read it right.) My H was standing there with tears streaming down his face. I was standing there, fists clenched, looking sick and scrawny after losing so much weight. We stared at each other and said "If people could see the results of infidelity, they would never get started." And he fell to his knees at my feet.

I can't be in my H's skin, but I felt his pain that day. I hope you don't have to feel that.

the infidelity diet is not good for me either- concerned. down to about 105 mat be less, not looking, not good, he bought me soup all i can stomach.

no worries about your tirade, my grand mother used to say you gotta let it out, its not good when its in it hurts more. better out than in is a bit of a family joke( farts or stress). what made you so distressed?

i think i/we am getting there , i am shaking, we are both distraught. i can imagine it gettting worse...

i asked the questions..

what are you sorry for- "for who i am and for what i have done to you"

are you suffering.. "if we stop talking that would be suffering. i am dying inside. i have a hard time saying suffering b/c you are supporting me, suffering is without you and this, the suffering i feel is that i caused this and i cant fix it, if that is suffering"- suffering is a hard word. also "getting hit with a hammer in the finger hurts, suffering is having to live with the pain of it"

are you suffering- "suffering watching you" yada yada

he wanted to see this list that he gave me of everything- he said he is panicked about the poly and wanted to make sure everything was on the list, he doesnt want to fail bc thats the end- he reviewed and there was a minor change but nothing more. and that there were no gaps,

i let him read 2 things, one the definition that i had posted- he was shocked- he said well it sound like me to close, it gives me more/and now less clarity to who i am.= crying more. I told him i was instructed not to armchair analyze you, he said yeah i get it but it sound just like me... oh sht- annoyed that he could be a cliche.

and the post that started with Typical Virginia winter� it struck me a few weeks ago, made him break down, he wants the typical day....

i kissed him, thanked him and he left. which is better i am getting some sleep.

thoughts?