So I need some advice,

Been Married 10 years, have wondeful daughter (3yrs old). Wife wants another I do not (although i did want more than 1 child long ago). The reason for my change of heart on this has nothing to do with my daughter, she is great and I could not love anyone more.

The problem is between myself and my wife. She just seems to be, for lack of a better way of putting it, "keeping me around to support her in raising our daughter". She left full time work when our daughter was born (which we both agreed on) and now works part time while being a full time mom to our daugter. I work full time. She does a great job with our daughter i cannot complain about that.

She seems to almost have animosity toward me however. Basically again it is like she "tolerates" me. Now there are differences in out personalities she is a very "social" person, I am not. I am a very neat and organized person, she is not. These things have always been a bit of an issue but it seems to have gotten worse. So basically I get home from work (at 5) and she will say ok it's your time to take care of your daughter and she will go up for a nap or to read a book. I will then have to make something for dinner, pick up the house and and then she will come down for dinner. Then on weekends it is pretty much the same routine as after work although I also need to do the yard work as well as the other stuff.

Money is also a bit of an issue as we have 3 accounts (always have) I have one, she has one and we have a joint account. When we were both working we both put into the joint account and paid bills from that but when she left full time work she stopped contributing to that account (which we also agreed on). Well over the last 3 years money has been tighter than it was with 2 full time jobs. I cover most of the bills. What somewhat bothers me though is that while my account and the joint account have been getting lower and lower because of this fact she has basically emptied the joint account while building up a balance in her private account, to the point where she has basically twice the amount in her name alone as i do in my name and the joint account combined.

So I guess my question is this, am I wrong for thinking it is not the right decision to have another child in light of all these (and other) facts (ie I am over 45 yrs old)? I mean as I said I love my daughter more than anything and would never trade having her in my life for anything in the world but i just dont feel right having another in light of these facts. My wife is very angry with me for not trying for another but it just does not seem right to me. It is just the feeling I have that again I am just here to serve a purpose and when that purpose is over I will be discarded. She has actually said as much many times during disagreements. Basically she says "well maybe we just need to tolerate each other till daughter is grown and then we will go seperate ways".

Sorry for being so long winded. Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

Welcome to Marriage Builders, uneasy_one. I would suggest you notify the moderators to have your post moved to Marriage Builders 101. Your topic is a little more general and will get more traffic there.

Basically she says "well maybe we just need to tolerate each other till daughter is grown and then we will go seperate ways".
Uneasy, did she actually say this?
Big Red Flag.

Your marriage has optimal conditions for an affair (yes, you OR your wife). Regardless, do you want to be in a relationship with the above attitude? Of course not, and neither does she. Presumably, you were in love once. You can re-establish the conditions for being in love with some effort and determination - you have come to the right place.

It would be ideal to bring another child into a family with two parents who were deeply in love with each other. It would be ideal for your daughter to be brought up in a family with two parents who were in love with each other.

Click "notify" and ask the Moderators to move your thread to the MB101 board.

optimism

Okay, I just read your first post Uneasyone.
Did you snoop to see if your wife is having an affair?
This is paramount. Nothing else can move forward until you know what is REALLY going on in your marriage.
I suggest you go back to SAA and take the advice of the good folks there trying to help you.
You can always implement a good Plan A even if you find out she's not cheating.
Obviously, you would never have a baby with someone you don't trust.


Did you change your name?

opt

Why do you allow this to happen? If you know she is taking money out of the joint account and placing it in hers, why do you continue to deposit your paycheck there or place money into it?

It almost sounds like your wife is planning an exit sometime in the future and is squirreling away money.


Have you attempted to talk this through with her? Can you explain further here what you mean by this?

stop putting money in the joint account until you can figure it out. You need a discussion about your M, your finances, and the household responsibilities with her at home and you working. When you get home, it's supposed to be about time for the two of you and with your daughter before she goes to bed.